4

Love is a game– not the inside or interior kind like: chess, checkers or minesweeper, no, it's the exterior, outdoorsy one like: football, soccer, and tennis. It is also like a door. You never know what you're getting into as you open the door, you never know what's on the other side. That's what love is.

I watched Zack as he answered his mother's call and I envied him. He tried to sound tough and annoyed, but the love was heard in his voice, the way his body moved, and the way his eyes softened. Looking at him you could tell that he loves his mum, even with the occasional eye roll.

A sad smile came to my face as I turned from him and blinked rapidly to stop the tear that wanted to flow.

This was the feeling I've always wanted: to be loved, to be held close, to have someone to complain to, and to be spoken softly to.

I remember little from when my parents were still alive, mostly from my mum, what and how it felt to love. She showcased it each day as she took care of our small potted plants at the window side. I watched her tend to them– nurture them daily, with the occasional sunlight and water– and they bloomed under her touch and care.

I could say I was a little bit like that flower: I needed constant care, attention, love, if not I would wither.

I remember coming back home when I was still ten years. It was a rainy day and I returned home under the rain, every being of me, soaking wet. You could hear the chatter of my teeth when together; I was totally drenched from head to toe and it wasn't an understatement. My dad on sighting my wet figure, got furious and started yelling at me.

"Ay Maria, couldn't you have waited for the rain to stop? You should have stayed put, or stayed at a friend's place. Yet, you come back soaking wet," he growled. "I don't want to hear you sneeze or cough in this house. There's no damn money for extra expenses."

He kept on raking and shouting, but my mum on seeing me, gave an amused smile and pulled me into her body, not caring about my wet clothes and held me tightly.

She said, "oh, this rain, couldn't you have waited for my little darling to reach home before you poured? Don't worry, mama will take care of you." I hugged her tightly and sighed into her arms.

Like a plant when taken care of, I bloomed and blossomed, but as they left . . . I began to wither, to die slowly. No more sunlight, no more water, no more care and attention. It all disappeared when they did too.

My mind wanders back to the present as I heard Zacks response to his mum's questions; "okay mum," insert eye roll, "yes mum," insert huge sigh, "got it, mum!" insert exasperated eye roll accompanied with him pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"Yes mum. I told you I got it," he groaned, allowing his head to fall back on the couch exhaustedly.

I giggled, wondering the kind of questions she asked to make him frustrated. Especially as he tried to sound as if he didn't have a swollen cheek, his mum would freak if she found out. Mama Zack can really be a handful, and I know this from experience.

He shot me a murderous look before his eyes shone with mischief. "Actually mum, Ria's here . . ." He drawled and I narrowed my eyes, silently warning him not to go doen the path he was already threading.

"Yes, of course I'll let you say hi," he grinned, wiggling his brows and swore silently as a hand cupped his swollen cheek. He stretched out the hand with the device to me and managed a grin. "It's for you."

I gave him the middle finger and took the phone, my eyes boring holes in his head. If my eyes were a gun, he'd be a dead man by now.

I took a few deep breaths and spoke, my voice coming out sweetly. "Hello, mama Zack," I greeted a bit too loud, earning a wince from Zack as he covered his ears too.

She chuckled on the line, "Maria dear, I know you're just as excited to speak to me as I am, but tune it down a bit, eh?" She laughed and I snickered a bit. "It's been too long since I heard your voice, my darling and too too long since you paid us a visit," her voice came out in a warm, motherly, concerned tone.

My free hand played with a thread from my dress as I think of a befitting answer to give her. "I'm sorry ma, I've been working a lot lately and–"

"But that's not an excuse to not come see me," she wined and I imagined her with a pout. "You know you're like a daughter to me and when that bonehead son of mine gives me trouble I need you here, devicing how to teach him a lesson," she went on.

I laughed, shooting Zack a glance and he narrowed his eyes in return. "Of course. I'll plan a visit soon. Don't worry," I reassured.

"Oh that's lovely, darling," she gushed. "Please take care of yourself and that bonehead son of mine," she urged and I stifled a laugh, "I love you very dearly, my child, okay?" She said and a small smile slowly crawls up to my face.

"I will," I respond to her talk about Zacks welfare, "and I love you too. Oh, and say hi to Papa Zack for me. I'll stop by soon to get some indoor plants to use as a decorations," I added.

"Don't forget some cookies too."

"Of course," I giggled. "I won't."

I hand the phone back to Zack and after a series of: "okay ma," "I love you too," "I'll bring her to visit," "bye," he ends the call and turns to me.

"How does she even love you more than her own son?" He queried.

I shrugged. "Magicians never reveal their secrets," I wiggle my brow and he snorts.

***

The morning gradually turned into mid day as the sun decided to grace us with it's warmth a bit. The rays bounced off the glass and created a crystalline image in the house.

It was mid-Feburary and the leaves had started to change from it's greeny nature to a slightly light brown, kinda carton colour nature.

It was Saturday, so we didn't really have much to do. After the oh-so-dramatic breakfast in the morning and the phone call with Zacks mum, we decided to go grocery shopping since I would be staying a while.

So, there we were in the mall heading towards the grocery section with I, pushing the trolley and Zack, at the back like a protective boyfriend/bodyguard. We each had different yet similar tastes so as we walked, we put whatever we liked in the cart.

We reached the cheese and bread section and it was too high for me to reach the cheese. I tried standing on my tippy toes but to no avail. You'd think that at 5'6 it would be easier by now to reach high shelves.

Tough luck.

Suddenly a hand stretched out, picked it and dumped it in the cart. "Munchkin," he snickered.

I hit his arm so hard, he whimpered. "Rude ass," I smiled.

Just because he was a freaking 6'1, Zack always made it a habit to make fun of my height. That was also the reason of most occasion I don't stand next to him. I'm really sensitive about my height and he knows that, he just likes being an asshole once in a while.

I mean, give a girl a break, would ya?

We got everything we needed and headed to the cashier's table so we could pay and head out. I joined a cue and stood behind a burly man, with Zack on a call I busied myself by watching a beautiful couple on the right.

They each had a hand on the cart as they slowly pushed, the arm of the man on the waist of the lady, occasionally pulling her close. She turned to ask him a question and he pulled her lips up for a peck. She gasped and hit him lightly, turning away to hide her pink cheeks. The man chuckled and pulled her close, which she obliged to.

I smiled at their cute exchanged and sighed inwardly. My grip on the carts handle tightened a bit and I was wishing I and Dom had a memory as cute as this. Dominic was never one for public display of affections, neither was he one to go grocery shopping– being the son of a rich man and all.

The voice of the cashier lady yelling "Next" brought me out of my daydream back to the present. We moved slowly till it reached out turn, we– actually Zack– paid and then we started home. On our way we detoured to Mac Donald's and ordered burgers and fries with iced drinks from their drive through and drive home while singing along to "All the single ladies" playing on the radio.

We returned home, packed the stuff in their respective cabinets and headed to our rooms. Zack muttering something about needing to work, and I, to take a nap.

***

"I love you, why won't you believe me?" I cried, clutching to the end of his coat. "I've given my all for you, why do you treat me like this?"

He roughly pushed my hands out from the grip of his cloth. "Don't touch me! I hate you... you caused all this... look at what you've done!!"

Suddenly I was in the morgue and the scent of formalin invaded my nostrils and I choked up, my eyes started to water as I walked deeper and deeper searching for what I wasn't sure of. I finally stopped at a body which was face down, striped naked... Female. The outline of the body looked familiar and I saw myself tentatively stretching out my hands. I slowly turned over the body, holding my breath as the sound of water drops became the only sound heard, along with my shallow breath.

I turned the body and as I peered down to take a closer look, it's eyes opened and I shrieked, falling down and scooting to the end of the wall. The face was that of my mother; only that her skin was pale white and her eyes were hollow.

"Save me Maria... Save me Maria," she called. I put my head between my hands which now covered my ears as I rocked back and forth, shaking convulsively.

"You're not real... you're not real... you're not real..." I chanted the words repeatedly, over and over again but it's voice was louder than mine.

"Save me Maria! SAVE ME MARIA!! SAVE ME MARIA!!! WHY WON'T YOU SAVE ME?!!" She growled. I looked up as she positioned to strike, but before she could, I woke up, panting heavily.

The first thing I felt was the cool breeze from the window, and the way my chest heaved in and out as I struggled to breath. I touch my face and that's when I notice tears I didn't know I shed in my sleep. I shuddered and step out of bed, heading towards the bathroom.

The nightmares hadn't come in a while, so I had stopped my medication thinking I was getting better.

Better my ass...

I turned on the valve on the sink and splashed water on my face, trying to calm myself down. My nightwear stuck to my body like glue and I felt uncomfortable, so I shed my clothes off and hopped into the shower. I turned the knobs till the temperature was moderate and sat inside, letting it wash away the sweat.

As the water rained on my skin, I silently sobbed. I let out all I was feeling at that moment; anguish, hurt, betrayal and pain. I needed comfort. I needed to be held and whispered soft, calming and soothing words to. I need to be loved. That's was all I asking for–to be loved, yet it seemed to me like a far-fetched dream.

After fifteen minutes, I came out of the shower, dried my body, and put on a silky blue nightwear, then laid back on the bed. Some seconds of turning and tossing told me that sleep had left me and with a sigh, I wrapped the comforter over myself and went to the living room.