1

I am not sabotaging myself, I'm just done with dating.

I can't do it anymore. I’m so sick of first date I feel like I'm watching the same movie for four years straight.

That's why I've decided to take a break. Or call it quit, whichever makes you feel better because I don't care anymore, I'm out of this dating cycle. Out. Over. Forever.

Okay maybe that's a little dramatic. Maybe not forever but probably for a long time.

"Sure, find yourself, love yourself, focus on your own happiness, I'm totally like one hundred percent with you on this. You don't have to rush, you got time Honey."

She always get me, supporting me in whatever I do doesn’t matter what other people think. She’s my rock, she’s my world, I’m glad she’s my mother but at the same time also a best friend.

I’m so lucky everyone around me supports my decision instead of pestering me with when-are-you-gonna-get-married-you-are-already-30-this-year.

Maybe I’m unlucky with my love life but I'm definitely fortunate to be in the right circle of friends. At least I've achieved that.

Perhaps ‘friends’ is the only thing I need, because true love is rare these days. It’s more like a myth, a fantasy, that only happens in chick-flick movies.

"It took me eight years to find Matt so don't worry, you'll meet the right person at the right time. God has plans for everything. Trust Him," she hugs me as I nod.

I was with her when she dated all those guys, and I was with her when she came home from her third date with Matt, telling me he's the one. If there’s anyone who managed to find true love, well, she belongs to that group.

Because I know how much she loves Matt, and he too loves her that I trust him to take care of her in my absence.

"If you feel like talking to a guy, you can come to me." Grandpa grins from his usual spot on the sofa.

I run to him and give him a big hug, "Of course I would go to the manliest guy on earth!"

"Second manliest guy on earth is also here for you," Matt says as I’m starting to become overwhelmed with feelings, "Awww you guys!"

"Guess I'm the third manliest guy on earth?" The deep voice that belongs to one of the most attractive human being I’ve ever met make me chuckle. He is standing at the doorway, currently removing his jacket to hang it in the coat cabinet.

I am definitely the luckiest girl in this whole wide world. I have the best grandparents, the best mom, the best step dad, the best best-friend, even if my love life sucks.

"Where's Kai? I thought he's with you this weekend?" Mom asks him when he hugs her briefly. His face is red perhaps from the low temperature outside.

"He's staying with Lauren for her cousin's wedding."

"Last week it's a visit from her parents. This week a wedding. I guess next week is a surprised holiday?" She asks cynically as Toffer smiles, "That's okay. I can still see him on weekdays."

"She can't hog all the weekends. I want to see my grandson too."

"Ask her to get you another then." He curls a hand on my shoulder as I nudge him on his chest; why are you dragging me in this topic!

"Well she's on dating strike, if you haven't heard."

I thought she supported me? With that God-has-plans-for-everything speech but now she sounds like she's mocking me.

"Oh that's how Grandpa became the manliest guy on earth?"

All of them laugh harmoniously as they raise the beer in their hand, cheering for my pathetic dating life.

Forget what I said about being in a circle of people who support me in whatever I do. Forget it. Urgh.

"Ninaaaaaaaa," Lily suddenly shows up on the stairs, her voice attracts everybody that is now paying attention to her.

"Oh hi Toffer." Her tone immediately changes once she sees the guy sitting beside me. I’m aware of her secret crush towards him; she’d blush every time he’s here, since the first time I brought him home nine years ago.

I can’t help but to chuckle at her facial expression as he greets her back, "Hey Lil."

She blushes and looks at me again, "Nina, I need to ask you something."

"Okay."

"Upstairs."

"Oh? Ooookay?" I get up when Mom suddenly interjects, "Ask Nina about what?"

"Girl stuff." She shrugs nonchalantly.

"I'm a girl."

"No you're Mom." She rolls her eyes when I'm already standing by her side. She pulls me upstairs before Mom starts again.

Mom and I are very close, we’re more like best friends than a pair of mother and daughter. But her youngest daughter, Lily seems to be a little bit hesitant to share stuff. Perhaps it’s because she's in her 40s and Lily is only 14.

But seriously, Mom is so cool, we can talk about anything under the sky. I still don't get why it's so hard for Lily to open up to Mom but does it easily with me.

"I can never understand how did you live with that hot stuff but still a virgin." She murmurs when we are walking to her room.

"Because I am a Christian." And I am proud at practicing my belief.

"Well I'm also a Christian but I've had three-"

"Okay I don't need to hear that again Lil. It's a life choice, just like how I choose to be with you right now instead of spending time downstairs."

She hops on her bed as she inhales, then exhales, inhales, exhales, inhales, "You're asking me here to watch you breathe?"

She sighs heavily before finally opening her mouth, “Can I borrow money from you?"

I raise an eyebrow hearing the word money.

"I want an iphone."

"You got one," I forward my direction to the phone she’s holding in her hand, the one I gave her when I upgraded mine three months ago.

"I want the latest version. The one that you use."

"Oh gurllll," I anchor my hands on each side of my waist, getting ready to give a sassy speech when she throws her signature puppy eyes, "Please Nina please please pleaseee."

"You're not getting a priviledge just because you have a big sister," I begin, "Mom will kill me if she knows I give you even a dollar to buy you a phone. Are you crazy? No, Lil. I'm not lending you money. I still haven't found my one true love so I'm not keen to be dead before that happens."

"Your one true love is downstairs, you ignorant! Now lend me the money so you can die in peace!"

Excuse me? What did she say? And being rude while at it? Excuseeee me?

Instead of schooling her further, I jump on her and wrap my hands around her neck, "Talk to me like that again, I dare you!"

"Give me the money!" She’s not fazed at all with my threat but shouts louder this time.

"Errr guys?"

Suddenly a deep voice startle both of us. We turn around only to find Toffer standing by the door with an awkward expression.

"What?!" I grit my teeth as my hands are still on her neck, legs straddling the tiny frame beneath me.

"Thought we should get going by now?" He scratches his head, still looking unsure, probably thinking it's not the right time to interrupt me while I'm on a mission to strangle my little sister.

"What time is it?" I ask him annoyedly as I palm my hand to her face before letting her go.

But that bratty teenager has the audacity to pull my hair when I'm about to leave the bed.

"What the fuck?!" I turn to her again to smack her but a pair of hands already grabbed me from behind.

"Let me go!" I scream at the top of my lung while he uses his strength to distance us from Lily.

"Let me go, you asshole!" I struggle as he keeps on hugging me from behind, locking my hands in his. Lily smirks as she fixes her hair.

"I'll let you go if you promise not to hurt anyone."

"She fucking asked money from me!" I shout again, purposely doing it in high volume to get him to understand, to let me go, so I can destroy this bitch. How dare she asked me money for the fact I've invested thousands on her.

"For what, Lil?" He asks in his big-brother tone.

Being the sneaky bitch she is, she squeaks like a little mouse as if she's helpless and all, "I just want to buy a new phone..."

"What happened to your phone?" He asks, concerned.

Oh I really want to smack this bitch when she acts all innocent, "Nothing, I just want a new one. It's not like I ask her to give me for free. I just want to borrow it."

"Like you've been borrowing my money since ancient ago, I know I'll never get them back!" I growl which makes him tighten his grip over my body, forbidding me from escaping his embrace.

"Awwwwww it hurts!"

He immediately lets me go and turns me around, "Sorry sorry sorry! Sorry Nina, I didn't mean to. Where does it hurt? Here?"

He rubs my arms but I immediately push the hand away, "It hurts here," I show him my heart, "When you're on her side instead of mine!"

"Oh here?" The same hand quickly moves towards my chest, which later he caresses my cleavage mindlessly.

I quickly smack him on the head, "You pervert!"

"You said it hurts there," he shrugs while laughing along with Lily who's tearing on the floor now.

Pervert 1, Pervert 2, just great.