34: Meant

“Are you mad?”

“No, I am not.”

I feel guilty to what he has to witness. I may not see him getting mad, but it is clear to my vision that he is in pain. Mister Ramirez was just about to kiss me and I was about to let him be, but he appeared.

“I just went by because I can't take it,” Zed added and bit his lower lip. “I can't regulate myself just that. I disdain to see you being smooched.”

Oh, wow. What would be his reaction when he knew that I am already not a virgin and that “man” was the one who took it? He might crawl out and feel contempt when it comes to his proficiency that I and Mister Ramirez had intercourse.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I can't promise to not be kissed by him, Zed. You know that I have to make him fall for me, right?”

“You believe he will love you already when his lips whiffs yours?”

“It’s not that —”

“It’s fine, Tal,” he cut me off and held my hand. He then looked at my eyes. “I am just concern. I want to protect you against him but then, that’s the plan in the first place. I guess I will not be around you next time when you are with him?”

I nodded my head in agreement. “Yeah, better.”

I cannot bear to see him like this, hurt and is in pain. But then, we all have no choice but to accept this fate. This is for the better, I guess. I know everything will be worth it at the end of the day.

Just like what is planned, I went back to work and my co-workers even looked at me with mistrust. Yeah, they know that I resigned and now look, I am here and is heading to Mister Ramirez office. I just could not help but to feel bad for myself. They are looking at me with hate and it was like they all does not want me anymore.

Anyway, I am not back here to be loved.

“Woah, Talia!” Dani came across my way and jumped over me, she then gave me a hug. “I did not expect you here! I miss you!”

I smiled at her awkwardly as she walked with me. “I just changed my mind.”

“Oh, is that it? Your decision now is great, then.”

I looked around and sigh in subtlety. I could feel the hate stares from most of the people here in the building.

“Do not mind them. They are just jealous of you.”

“Jealous?” I was shocked because of the thought. Why are they jealous? I thought they are mad? Hey, nothing is envious about me!

“Duh? It was because the news of Sir Ramirez joined our table that afternoon for lunch just spread in this whole building and now, they are loathing you because of that. How immature of them. Tsk.”

I bit my lower lip in disbelief. Really? Because of that? That is so funny. How did they came up with that?

“Anyway, Tal. The day you left, Mister Ramirez became grumpy all the time.”

I chuckled. We entered inside the elevator and waited for it to stoop in the floor where we should go. The floor where Mister Ramirez’s office is located. “Is not he grumpy since day one?” I asked.

“I mean, while you are here, he was just poker and says nothing but then the last day, he fired many employees and roasted them up for doing mistake in the job. It was just days but if feels like hell.”

I shut my mouth because of horror. I can not believe that she is saying this. Should I feel sorry? I do not completely believe in that but since he is a bad boss, it is not that hard to trust her words.

The elevator stopped and then it opened. I roamed my eyes around the floor before I and Dani went out. She already headed to her place while I on the other hand, headed to Mister Ramirez’s office, shaking.

I knocked three times first before I turned the door opened. My heart skipped a beat with the thought that I am already here inside his office. But then, my brows creased because Mister Ramirez did not welcome my eye sight.

He is not here.

I looked around his office. I still can not see him. I decided to sit on the sofa and check the papers in the small table. I just read some of it before I stopped when I heard a sigh. It came from the other door.

He leaned against the door of the restroom and crossed his arms over his chest. Mister Ramirez then stared at me thoroughly like examining me. “Hi?” I greeted with an awkward smile. I put the paper back in the table and stood up. I fixed myself first before I walked towards him. “I thought you are late or something.”

“You just came?” he asked me. I encircled my arms around his neck that he found strange. I kissed his cheeks lightly, he did not complain, though. I do not know if he like what I did or not since he was not showing any emotion but a poker one.

“Nah, maybe I am already here for four minutes?” I answered, unsure. “Come on, I miss you. Have you take your breakfast yet?”

The side of his lips rose up and reached for my cheeks. He ran his fingers there and went down on my lips next. His thumb caressed the side of my lips. Now, he is looking down there like it was a meal he misses. “I want you to stop your plans, Talia.”

I was stunned for a moment, does not know what he is talking about. Plans? Do I have any plans except for making him surrender? “Ah-huh? Why?”

He then round his arms around my waist and dragged me near him. Our body then was just inch away from one another. “You know, I wanna take you. I miss you so bad. You do not have any plans of doing it with me again, is not it?”

I bit my lower lip and looked down. “Mister –“

“Hush,” he pressed his index finger on my lips. “It is Kiel.”

Yeah, right. I forgot about it since I am calling him that way in my point of view. Maybe I would just call him “Kiel” all the time even mentally. Hmm, sounds “Kieller”. It suits to him, though.

“Yeah, sorry, Kiel,” I laughed. “But anyway, I am kind of tired. I mean, my body was not in the mood to do so yet. And oh, yes before sex, right?”

“Oh, I am your suitor again. I almost forgot it. I am too advance with the thought of me being yours and you being mine.”

“Soon, Kiel,” I said and looked at him. “Court me and let me see that you love me and you want me in your life.”

“I will, Talia. I want you for the lifetime.”

And with just that, we focused on our work but of course, Kiel being Kiel, he cannot do anything without flirting with me. I can not help but to shook my head in disappointment. Anytime, more on every minute, he will call me near him for him to hold my hand and embrace me. I almost kick his ass of because he is being too clingy. It is somehow making me annoy.

“Sir Ramirez?”

I get away from Kiel’s embrace when someone outside knocked. I shot him a glare while he just shrugged his shoulders and tell the person who is calling him to enter inside. I just stood beside him and stay still, acting like an innocent secretary.

“What is it?”

The woman, a staff looked at us with hesitation. She then smiled in faint. “Ma’am Sandara will be here in any second.”

I looked down my foot and bit my lower lip. What the hell? Sandara? She mean, Dara? Kiel’s fiancée? With my peripheral vision, I saw Kiel nodded his head. “Thank you for informing. Kindly get some coffee for us.”

The woman bent her body over to bow. As soon as she left, I let out the sigh that I am holding back in almost a minute already. “Maybe I should go out first?” I suggested to Kiel.

“Why?”

“To give you and your fiancée privacy.”

He hissed and leaned against his seat. “Talia, she is just here to talk about nonsense. Stay here and do not leave. I will introduce you to her.”

I have no choice but to agree. We then both looked at the door when Dara went it and closed it. I pressed my lips together when her eyes darted to me instead to his fiance’s. She was smiling.

“Hi,” she greeted me. “You are?”

I was not able to answer her because Kiel cleared his throat and stood up. He went near the woman. I have to look away when he kissed her on her cheeks. “She is Talia Hernandez.”

“Oh?” her mouth formed an “o” and smiled from ear to ear. “Uh, his new secretary?”

“Not just –“

I cut Kiel off. “Yes, Ma’am. I am his new secretary.”

“Nice to see you then, Miss Talia Hernandez. I am Sandara Cien, Kiel’s fiancée.”

“Pleased to meet you too,” I smiled. “Anyway, can you excuse me? Gonna respect your privacy, you know.”

“Oh,” she laughed while Kiel creased his brows at me. “There is no need, Talia. I just went here to see him anyway.”

I decided to shut already. But then, when she tiptoed to kiss Kiel on his lips, I avoided my gaze away from them. What the fuck? Kiel stopped her while she just laughed.

“You really would not let me to kiss you, huh? Come on, I am your fiancée, and I have the right to kiss you. Think of you just fucked a stranger. How unfair.”

That is when I felt cold. Does she know? I am not completely thinking that she was referring to me but I feel so guilty. “Dara, you are just here to see me, right? You can go now.”

“Do not shame me off in front of your secretary, Kiel.”

Uh-oh, how awkward is this.

“Stop the acting. This is Talia and I am courting her. I will make everything right after this. I will talk to my parents to cut the ties between us. You get it?”

My eyes widened because of what I heard. I looked at them and saw Dara sighing. Yeah, right. She is hurt. Who would not, right? “Kiel, let’s don’t talk about that here in front of Talia. You are making her feel bad.”

I bit my lower lip. Dara has the guts to say that, huh? Well, she is right. I am feeling bad because I have to witness how Kiel hurt her just by words. “No, I am fine. I somehow have to interfere since I am involved with this,” I said, bothering the two of them.

I thought Sandara would get mad at me because I am the reason behind that pain in her eyes. But she is currently looking at me with an apologetic smile which made me feel more guilty.

“I am sorry, guys. I will be out of this and make you at peace,” I said in monotone. I should be thinking about our plan but it just went out of my mind because I cannot handle the thought that I am hurting someone right now — who does not have something to do with me. “I am sorry. This is too bad because I went here to hurt someone’s relationship.”

I walked towards the door and was about to get out when Kiel stopped me. “Don’t do this,” he said. “Don’t leave, Talia.”

“Kiel –“

“Talia,” Dara called me. I looked at her with my eyes showing how sorry I am. “You do not have to leave and hurt yourself instead. You know what? I cannot make Kiel happy and,” she paused to sigh. “I can see that he is the happiest when he is with you. The way he look at you, the way he smiles at you, it is way more different. I should be the one leaving out of his life, of your life.”

“Dara…” I uttered nervously, now tearing up. No, this can’t be. “I was the one who ruined both of you -"

"No, you were the one who fixed him,” she cut me off and looked up, preventing her tears from falling. “Don’t, okay? Do not leave him. I am just hurting myself when I am with Kiel.”

I bit my lower lip. Kiel just stayed still but he is kind of shocked because of the conversation we were having right now. I did not even imagine myself before in this kind of situation and is on the verge of crying just because of a man.

“I won’t hate you or something. They say, when you see the love of your life happy, you will be the happiest. Don’t leave him from behind, hmm? I will trust you of him.”

“Sandara,” Kiell called him. She tilted her head towards his area and reached for his cheeks.

“I would not bug you again. Finally, you can now get rid of me appearing around you all the time. Be happy with her, okay? I trust the both of you. I now have to leave. Goodbye.”

We were not able to stop her when she went out quickly and even waved her hands at us with a smile plastering on her lips. She is not bitter at all. She is happy of leaving us because she believes that it is for good. For her to stop herself from hurting and for Kiel to be happy. And for me? I do not actually know what the right feeling to feel.

Should I be happy and held a fiesta? Should I be sad and lock myself in a room and just shed tears there all the time? Should I be mad and break vases all around to ease the feeling? Or should I feel numb and to feel dead again?

I never feel alive since then.

“Talia,” Kiel called me and encircled his left arm around my waist. “Are you fine?”

I look at him with annoyance. “You should be asking Sandara that thing.”

He smiled. “She is fine.”

“How sure are you, dumb?”

“She is always fine, Talia. When she is hurt, she automatically move on to another chapter of her life and act like nothing happened.”

“I feel bad,” I admitted. “I can’t handle it knowing that I have hurt someone like her. I don’t hurt people, Kiel. I will live in this world full of guilt –“

“Hush, you did nothing wrong but to choose the right thing. Do not feel bad because of that, Talia. You are making everything right and easy.”

I shook my head multiple times. “I don’t know anymore…”

He made me face him and embraced me tightly. That is when I feel so relieved and it was like my worries has gone away as his warmth embrace my being. My haven… Everything seems to shift when it comes to him, really. I do not understand myself anymore.

“Kiel, I can’t live with this…” I whispered while weeping and is hiding in his chest. We were safe here because the curtains were close and no one can see us, no CCTV cameras either. “I can’t.”

“No, baby. You live with me, understand?”

“Kiel, I can’t.”

“You can.”

“We can not be happy knowing that someone out there is hurting.”

“No one is hurting because I will make everything right, okay? I will make our lives at peace and happy. There is no happy ever after but whenever we will be together, I will make you the happiest because you deserve everything. You deserve the world, Talia.”

I looked at him, teary. “I love you…” And yes, I meant that.