Chapter Twenty One: Pregnancy

The memory of my brothers laughing about the "beast’s snack" and Calani’s crude remarks about the Prince’s size flashed through my mind. Back then, it had been a terrifying joke. Now, it was a question about my dignity.

"He bit me to save my life," I said, the lie tasting like copper. "The King wanted proof of the bond. Without this, I’d be dead and you wouldn't be standing here alive.”

Mirabel flinched, pulling her hand back to her chest. The relief on her face was ugly, it was a sharp jagged thing she couldn't hide. She was horrified for me, yes, but she was also clearly glad it wasn't her skin being marked.

"I remember what Ricky said," she murmured, looking away. "About the 'beast' wanting something unripe. I used to stay awake at night wondering if Father knew he was sending you to be mauled."

I scoffed, “Of course he knew," I said. "He just didn't care because he didn't consider me part of his children."

Mirabel looked like she wanted to cry, but she didn't have the right. She hadn't earned the right to weep for me. "And the rest? The rumors about how they... how they treat their mates? Is he as cruel as they say?"

I thought of Eilís standing in the forest, giving me his cloak. I thought of him in the hallway, blocking the King’s view of my mistakes.

"He's a wolf," I told her, my voice hard. "He does what he must. But he's been kinder to me than any human in the house I grew up in." She flushed, a hint of shame and remorse flashing in her eyes.

“You need to leave before the Prince finds you here and decides the rumors about his temper are true."

"I can't just go back," she said. "The driver who brought me... he's waiting at the edge of the lower town. He won't leave until dawn."

"Then hide in the town! Just get out of the castle!" I turned back to her, my voice urgent. "Mirabel, I'm serious. This isn't the South. People here can smell fear. They can smell a lie. You aren't built for this. You never were."

Gods, anything to just get her the go.

"You've changed, Raven," she said softly. "You used to be so quiet. You used to look at the floor whenever Father spoke. Now... you look like you're ready to fight the whole world."

"That's because the whole world is trying to kill me," I said the words like I was explaining something to a stupid person.

She reached into her cloak and pulled out a small, leather-bound book. She stepped forward and pressed it into my hands. "It's the family records. The old ones. The ones Father thought he burned. I found them in the cellar before I left."

"Why are you giving me this?"

"Because it has the names of our ancestors. The ones from the North. Before the war split the bloodlines." She looked at the door, then back at me. "If you're going to be a Princess of the North, you should at least know whose blood you're carrying. Maybe it’ll help you find allies, who'll actually want to keep you safe.”

I took the book, the weight of it heavy in my palm. "Mirabel..."

"I'll go," she said. "I'll find the driver. But Raven... if you ever find a way to send word, a real word... let me know. I don't want to think of you as a ghost anymore."

She pulled her hood up, hiding her face once more. She moved toward the side door, the one used by the servants, but she stopped with her hand on the latch, hesitating like she had something more to say.

“Go, Mirabel.”

She pushed the door open and vanished into the shadows of the servant’s corridor.

I stood in the middle of the room, clutching the book to my chest. 

I was alone again. But as I looked at the bite on my neck in the mirror, I realized that for the first time, the "beast" wasn't the thing I was most afraid of. It was the people who were supposed to love me and the fact that even if I survived pretending I wouldn't survive when it came to actually fulfilling my duties as a mate.

I jumped when the main door opened.

Eilis walked in, his movements guarded.  

His eyes went straight to me, then to the servant’s door behind me. 

"She’s gone?" he asked. His voice was low.

"Yes," I said. I tightened my grip on the book, the leather biting into my palms.

"She went through the passage. She said her driver is waiting."

Eilis nodded slowly, his gaze drifting to the floor where the hem of my red dress brushed the stone. He stepped further into the room, closing the distance between us.

 "Did she say why she came? Did she give you away to anyone else?"

"No," I whispered. I looked at him, and suddenly the panic that had been simmering under my skin since Mirabel mentioned the pregnancy boiled over. It was a cold, sharp terror that made my breath catch. 

Mirabel’s voice wouldn't stop echoing in my head: What if people start suspecting when you don't get pregnant?

"Eilis," I blurted out, the words tumbling out before I could think to stop them. "What happens when I don't get pregnant?"

The question hung in the air, Eilis stopped mid-stride, his eyes narrowing as he stared at me.

"The King," I continued, my voice rising with a frantic edge I couldn't control. "The whole court. They’re all waiting, aren't they? In a few months, they’re going to be looking at my waist, waiting for a sign. What are we going to do when nothing happens? When the months pass and there’s no heir?"

I looked down at my flat stomach, then back at him, my heart thumping so hard it hurt. "Your father isn't going to just sit by and wait forever, the pack will want an heir eventually.”

Eilis didn't answer. He just watched me, his expression unreadable, while the reality of our shared lie sat between us like a bared blade. 

Even Eilis had no answer.