PERCIE
Fourteen months ago.
My life was doomed the moment I walked out of the house where I grew up. I just lost everyone I loved. I lost my home, Emma, my family, friends, and even myself. I knew I was still alive because I could still feel the excruciating pain when I thought of them.
My old life two months ago was near perfect, and everything went according to plan until that incident had drastically changed my life.
I loathed myself. But I guessed I deserved to feel every agonizing pain I felt right now.
When I arrived at my grandparent's house, they were already waiting for me. I could see the pain in their eyes.
I cried until I gave up, but the pain was still there. It was even worse.
I couldn’t eat. The food was upsetting my stomach.
I couldn’t sleep. The nightmare was constantly visiting me the moment I closed my eyes.
I kept myself awake, listening to our favorite songs over and over again until my ears gave up.
I avoided them getting into me, afraid that if they got closer, I would lose them too.
I stayed in my room for two weeks. They brought food for me every meal. The first week, I almost collapsed. I couldn’t stomach what I put into my mouth.
I was too weak to get up.
My vision blurred. My world spun.
I started shivering and sweating at the same time. At that moment, I wanted to die, but at the same time, I had a promise to keep. That was how I realized that I still had one reason left to live--Emma and the promise I made.
The second week, I had no news about Emma. That depressed me too much. My parents never contacted me when I left that day. Grandpa told me that Emma wasn’t transferred to the rehab center. She got an infection last week before her scheduled transfer. She had to take some antibiotics until she’d be free from infection.
That news broke my heart again. I took the courage to text Chloe that she might have news about Emma since they were close friends. Unfortunately, she didn’t tell me much other than the news that I already knew.
The third week came, I was hopeless and miserable, and it was killing me slowly. I never showered, never shaved, never brushed my teeth, and never changed clothes. I barely ate, just to keep myself from staying alive. I guessed I wasn’t ready to die after all. It still scared me shitless.
Finally, I used the bathroom. I stripped my clothes off and stepped into the cold running water. I was shivering. I wasn’t numb after all. I felt the icy water pricking my skin. My teeth started to grit. I held as strong as I could to stop from chattering.
I reached for the razor that I placed in the soap dish with my trembling hand. I ran my thumb against the blade to test if it was sharp enough—it stung, it hurt, it bled. My skin split open. Blood started running through the water.
I shut my eyes closed, blocking every horrible memory I had as I placed the blade on my wrist above my pulse. I pressed and deepened the sharp edge into my skin.
I held my breath. My heart beat faster. I could feel my pulse against the thing that could end my miserable life while I shut the agonizing pain from my now bleeding wrist. Warm liquid continued running through my wrist. Then I thought of Emma.
Everything is gonna be okay.
I was in the middle of taking my last huge breath when the banging on the door brought me back to the horrible reality. The razor dropped to the floor. The clinking sound reminded me of what I’d done. Of what terrible decision I just chose.
After closing the water, I grabbed the towel, wrapped it tightly around my waist, and got out of the bathroom. I checked my wrist. It was bleeding but not noticeable enough. I guessed it didn’t cut the artery, just a thin slit across my wrist. I pulled some toilet paper and pressed it to stop the bleeding.
I walked into my room. Grandpa was already sitting in my bed.
“Thank God, Percival. You finally think of taking shower after twenty-one days. Look at yourself. You look emaciated. Your bone is poking out from your skin. And you shower, but you didn’t shave? Put some clothes on, and we have some places to go. I’ll be waiting in the car. So you better hurry up, son. We don’t have all the time in the world.” He was a little bit exaggerating things. He stood up and patted my still wet back.
“I don’t want to go out, Grandpa. I’m staying.” For the last twenty-one days, I heard my voice talking. It sounded strange to my own ears.
“Hurry up, Percival Edmund. You can’t lock yourself up here for the rest of your life. Now wear some clothes, or I will let you lock up in a psychiatric hospital. Your choice, son.”
I looked at him directly in his sad eyes. He didn’t look like he was joking. I still felt so weak even to stand up long, but I managed to ask. “Where are we going, Grandpa?”
“To see Emma.”
My heart fluttered. My eyes widened. I blinked twice to make sure that I heard him right. “Come again? What do you mean to see Emma?”
He didn’t answer me, instead, he walked to the open door and left me with an unanswered question.
He peeked his head from the half-opened door and warned me, “Five minutes Percival, or I’m going with you.”
I froze.
He chuckled before he finally left.
“I’m gonna see Emma.” I ran back to the bathroom to shower properly-- shaved, brushed my teeth, and groomed well. I even wore something good to look better for Emma. I knew for sure she would notice that I lost some weight.
Grandpa and Grandma were already in the car when I went down to their garage.
“Look who finally showed up?” Grandpa said.
“You look good, Percie, but not that good. Too much of that smoothie is not good for you,” Grandma said sarcastically.
“Thank you for stating the obvious, Grandma. That helped you a lot with the grocery budget. I’m already a burden,” I bantered, making Grandpa chuckle. He then drove down to the main road.
“Yeah, keep it like that, and I will throw you to the mental hospital,” Grandma warned me.
I swallowed the guilt of what I did before Grandpa showed up in my room. I could bleed to death right now if he was just late for about ten seconds. I guess that was not my moment yet.
I looked out the window. I wasn’t supposed to see these magnificent views like a blur as we passed by, yet here I was.
“I’m sorry to be your burden, Grandma.”
PERCIE I called Grandpa that night after coming home from dinner at Ward’s house. “Are you sure it’s a good idea to live with a young woman on the same roof? I’m not worried about you, but about that girl. She’s a cop’s daughter, Percival.” He sighed from the other line. “And what is the problem there? She won’t stay here long once she finds a roommate.” “And if she won’t? You’re a young man, Percival. How about the temptations? When was the last time you get laid? Or jerked off yourself?” My face heated with embarrassment. Why grandpa had to remind me of my boring sex life?Jeez. “Jesus, Grandpa. Can we not talk about my sex life, please?” I rolled my eyes. This is not the topic I wanted to talk about with him, but he had a point. “Up to you, Percival, but if it helps you improve your social skills, then go ahead. Just treat her right, and behave, okay?”
PERCIE Fourteen months ago… “Oh, boy. Did you just apologize? I can’t believe you can still remember words. I thought your brain is drained, too.” Grandma snorted while raising her brow. “Stop making him feel guilty, Grace. Look at him. He doesn’t have any more left in him other than his skin and bones. Why won’t you try to cheer him up by telling him about his new apartment.” “Wait, what?” I asked quickly. I felt something new inside me. Excitement? Hope? “You found an apartment for me?” Grandma hit Grandpa’s arm playfully. “You, old mutt. Can’t keep your mouth shut for a while, can you? Now, where is the moment of surprise there?” Grandpa laughed. “Surprise my butt. He got one surprised already. I think that’s good enough for him to get outside his hell hole.” After the longest three weeks, I found myself smiling. “Thanks to both of you.” Grandma waved her hand. “Don’t thank us yet. You’ll pay
PERCIE Thirteen months ago… I left that day from rehab, defeated, but it wouldn’t stop me from seeing her again. I wanted to prove that it was a stupid mistake. And I had no plan on doing it again. Despite my defeat, I still had one reason to move forward. My grandparents brought me to my new apartment. I didn’t even know that Grandpa was busy furnishing while I was busy trying to kill myself. The fully furnished two-bedroom apartment met my taste. The black leather couches in the small living room with 46” flat tv screen mounted on the wall, a 60” framed art poster of my favorite football team, taken during their championship game. A small kitchen with stainless steel appliances and what caught my attention was the latest coffeemaker. Then the coal-colored cupboards, countertops, and kitchen island. My dark blue-colored bedroom had queen size bed, two nightstands, and a closet of the same color. There wa
PERCIE I groaned when my alarm went off. I got up from bed lazily, rubbed my eyes, and walked outside my room. I led my way to the kitchen, halted when someone yelped. My sleepiness was gone in an instant. I curse under my breath. Hailey’s wide eyes met mine. Her lips slightly parted. It slipped off my mind that I wasn’t alone anymore. We both stared at each other for a few seconds. I blinked twice. Shit! I just remembered that I was only wearing boxers, and she didn’t have to know when a guy just got up from bed, someone, or rather something, woke up as well. ”Sorry.” I ran back to my room. I looked down at my half-naked body. Fuck. I grabbed a shirt and sweatpants and put them on quickly. I walked into my bathroom, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and rinsed my face again. I sniffed my underarm. Why am I doing these?Did I just ask myself in the
PERCIE Thirteen months ago… We talked every day until Thursday. I missed talking with her on Friday, though. I asked Grandpa if they would come with me tomorrow. I was a little excited to see her again. This time I wouldn’t disappoint and upset her. I picked up my grandparents at their home. I already dropped by at the flower shop for Emma. I knew what she liked. “Look at you. Finally, the old Percie.” Grandpa patted my back. I rolled my eyes. “We met last week, Grandpa.” “You look a lot better today, Percie.” “About that.” I laughed. I was actually eating like a starved animal. “I have to go to the grocery after I see Emma.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “Don’t worry about it. Grace would love to do that when she sees you like that.” Grandma showed up and opened her arms wider to hug me. My heart melted. My parents didn’t care about me, but these two loved me like their own s
PERCIE My classes ended, and I still found no message from Hailey. I rechecked it. Nada. I walked to the bench where I found her before. Then there she was. She was talking to someone, and that someone just made my blood boil. I strode in their direction at a long pace. Before I could get closer, Cassie saw me first. “Hey, Percie. Meet my new friend. We have classes together. Hailey—” I cut her off and grabbed her away from Hailey. “Stay away from her, Cassie.” I didn’t think it was a coincidence. “I don’t wanna see you talking to her again. You can’t be her friend. That’s impossible. Someone like you who doesn’t have the same interest as hers can’t ever be her friend. You two are like night and day. You can’t fool me, Cassie.” She glared at me, and I glared back. “Go.” She grabbed her things and walked away. I look at Hailey, hugging herself and looking down at her feet. “St
PERCIE Eight months ago. Emma had been practicing her race on weekdays for five months now since her application was accepted. Her neurosurgeon cleared her to join the Paralympics after running some tests. She was not the best or the fastest, but I was so proud of her determination to join the race for a cause. We’d been visiting her every Saturday for five months. Still, no words from my parents. I almost got caught when they didn’t show up on Friday. Instead, they visited her on Saturday just like us. I didn’t insist on asking permission from them to see Emma since everything about us was doing just fine. I didn’t want to give more trouble to Emma more than I already did. She had to focus on racing. Emma extended another couple of months in rehab just to let me visit her every Saturday. She’d been busy with her blog as well. She encouraged paraplegic patients to join sports. She’d meet her followers every
PERCIE The dinner with the Wards became regular every weekend—Saturdays with my grandparents and Sundays at Hailey’s. The only difference today was, I was going with her instead of driving there alone. “Dad wants us to stop at the grocery first before going home.” I faced Hailey. “And what he wants this time?” “He wants me to buy candles. They used the candles he bought yesterday when the electricity had a short circuit at home.” “What’s he going to do with the candles this time? Didn’t he call someone to fix it?” “It’s done, but we need candles for Mom’s cake.” I froze. “Hailey, wait. What’s with the candles and cake? Is your mom’s birthday today? And you didn’t mention it to me?” She shrugged and smiled sheepishly. “I thought it’s not a big deal, and it’s just us like every dinner over weekends.” “Still, it’s your mom’s birthday. Remind me to buy a gift, ev