ONE

  HAYFA ABDULRAHMAN KASSEM ’S   POV

 As I took my seat I caught sight of it; a blood red rose tucked in the locker compartment of my desk. A small smile crossed my lips on seeing it, it wasn’t the first I had received of recent, but like always I feared it would be the last.

 What I didn’t understand was why anyone would take interest in the almost invisible girl in school. Not that I blamed anyone for not noticing me, not at all. As a kid I had made myself as scarce and quiet as I could be, no one ever noticed me, and I was cool with it. Why?

 I, Hayfa Abdulrahman Kassem, have been betrothed to my cousin; the arrangements long concluded before I was born, thus, training to be the perfect wife and daughter in law was made my first and only priority. For twenty two years I have lived having not a single soul to call a friend, of course mother said it didn’t matter, but the feeling of loneliness was one I couldn’t shrug.

 The wedding is to take place after graduation, and graduation is in two weeks. Am I excited? I do not know really.

 The feeling is a mixture of everything, happiness, sadness, anxiety, everything you could think of.

All my life I have been training and preparing for this, but now that it is so close I can’t help but  doubt myself, doubt everything I have learned, I can’t help but ask myself, is this what I want?

 It doesn’t matter though, it is what the family wants, and it is what I will do. I take one more look at the rose before I sigh and put my books over it.

 ~~

HAIDAR ABDULKAREEM KASSEM’S POV

I stared blankly at my mother as her lips moved continuously; I heard nothing of what she said.  I raised my glass of wine to my lips and took a small sip, it was my second glass and I was hoping it would somehow numb away the stress.

 This was no doubt getting bothersome; I rubbed my temple wearily and shifted my gaze to the glowing embers in the mantle fireplace. I loathed this topic, loathed the discussion in general, but what choice did I have? After all, I was dealing with Sa’adiya Kassem, she called the shuts.

 A linear chain of command existed in the family, and I was accustomed to it. Being the last on the chain of three I was obliged to follow what the first two bids. My lack of power only ended in the family though, only ended within us three, anywhere else and I find myself being the one in charge, being the domineering bastard the men in the family were, I find myself walking the earth like I was born to rule.

 Letting out an exasperated sigh I leaned into my seat. Mother was still talking, and I had had just about enough.

 “Is  it too much to ask that you do as you please?”. I said.

 An irritated look crossed her face but vanished almost immediately, she regained her cool and composure at once.

 “Where are your manners, son?”. She said coolly.

 “Forgive me if my level of enthusiasm does not meet your expectance, I find myself less inclined to talk about this with every passing second”. I said.

 She said nothing, but I knew her, and from the twitching in the vein on her long and elegant neck, I knew she was upset.

 “It would be easier for both of us if you do not bother asking my opinion ‘cause it will not be given, just do as you please and leave me out of it”. I said calmly. “If you don’t mind I’ll excuse myself, do have a goodnight, mother”.

 With that I set the glass on the table, stood up, and walked away.

 My parents and I didn’t get along well ,and to maintain a peaceful relationship we simply gave each other their space and stayed the hell away from matters that didn’t concern you, the only times we actually worked together and agreed on something were during business hours.

 The ‘parents-son’ relationship never existed between us, not because I didn’t try but simply because they didn’t care about the so called relationship, they cared about money, profit, prestige and whatnot. Getting married to a cousin of mine would only boost the family’s wealth.

 I’ve known about this for a while but of course if I was to be unbothered I would have to look at the whole thing from a business perspective, which was simple, by marrying her I would profit because women didn’t run the affairs of the company, they could work but not lead, thus her father; my uncle would leave me in charge of her share of the company. I gained something without giving anything.

 All that aside though, the thought of marrying to acquire more wealth sickened me to my very bones, I may have deceived everyone into thinking I’m chill with the whole thing but I can’t lie to myself, I can’t pretend to myself that my life is perfect and everything is alright. And it is for that reason that I have visited therapist and told them my problems, it all came down to depression, which is nothing new if I’m to be honest.

 “Socialize more”. They said.

 What’d I do my whole life if not socialize?

 My problems are within me and I know it, they curse through my bloodstreams like the curse that they are, my problems lie within my blood.

I pushed the door open and stepped into my room; it was dark, just as I liked it. Twisted as it may sound I find the darkness more comforting than the light. I dreaded every rising moment of the sun, I cursed every streak of sunrise seeped into my room at the break of dawn, I hated every day that I had to put on a show, that I had to be someone other than the person I truly am.