Sofia Adams - March 2012I was in the elevator, feeling like the most horrible person of all. Ethan was there with me, but I didn't even notice; I could only think about Anne and everything I had caused.Knowing about the baby and that she had hidden it because she was thinking of me... And how did I respond? By behaving in that shameful way. Guilt was devouring me alive.I felt like I was losing myself. The reality around me seemed distant; it was like the sensation of being underwater. And it was so hard to breathe.Until I saw him. Right there in the corner, looking at me. I smiled widely.I thought I would die without seeing Nick again, but there he was, as if in a dream. I examined his blurry and trembling image, but I would recognize him anywhere."Hi, love..." Nick said softly to me. After a year and a half, it was his voice that I was hearing again; I could hardly believe it."Nick, I knew I would see you again," I lied. Nick smiled sadly, looking at me suggestively."Still a
Sofia Adams - April 2012A week had passed since the scene I caused at the hotel.Anne had been hospitalized the entire week, but even though we stayed in touch through messages, I couldn't see her.In the first few days, I had horrible withdrawal symptoms. Headaches, cold sweats, and body tremors... Ethan was by my side the whole time, making sure I drank plenty of water and ate light meals. I couldn't sleep, and sometimes, I couldn't even breathe.The worst part was the daydreaming. Every now and then, I fantasized about Ethan getting distracted and me going to have a drink. The desire was so intense that I dreamed about it. I saw myself with a bottle in hand, drinking every last drop, savoring that poison. Suddenly, I would wake up with a dry mouth from desire and covered in shame, realizing where my thoughts had taken me.I remember going to the hotel restaurant on the third day after the cravings subsided. Ethan said it would be good for me to see the place with a fresh perspecti
Sofia Adams - April, 2012As soon as we got in front of the hospital, I took a deep breath. The last time I was in one, things didn't end well.I didn't feel ready to see Anne yet, even though she assured me she forgave me. I was still having a hard time forgiving myself. Anne found out she was prone to developing gestational hypertension, which left me completely desperate."In your own time," murmured Ethan next to me, waiting for me to move. I took another deep breath and started walking.After providing the room number at the reception and receiving permission to go up, Ethan and I headed for the elevator. As soon as we got out, I came face to face with Tom in the hallway, carrying a water bottle.I didn't know how to act around him. After that day, we hadn't spoken, and I felt like he was angry. I would be too if I were in his place.Tom didn't give any time for discomfort to set in. He immediately came to hug me as soon as he saw me.Tom rarely hugged me in life, which made that
Sofia Adams - April, 2012Anne looked at me attentively, as if she could read what was going on in my mind."I know what you're thinking, Sofia. I know it's not easy. It's okay to be sad," she said.I weakly smiled. Of course, she knew."I prefer to focus on how happy I am for you, Ann," I replied honestly. Concentrating on positive things seemed to work a little to distract from the insane desire I had to drink."Have you thought of a name?" I asked.Anne laughed."We don't even know the gender, Sofia!" she retorted."But it's just a matter of time," I replied."Yes, but when we find out, we'll have even more time to decide," she concluded. "And between us, I'm avoiding the subject to avoid hearing the horrible names Tom wants to give," she whispered.Anne had barely finished the sentence when Tom abruptly entered the room along with Ethan."Hey, Timothy isn't that bad," he said.Timothy? That had to be a joke.Anne looked at me as if she wanted to say, "See? I told you.""We've alre
Sofia Adams - April 2012I was dreaming.I saw what appeared to be an older Nick playing with children on a sunny beach. One of them was a girl who looked about seven years old, with red hair just like his, and the other child was a slightly younger boy, maybe three years old, with dark hair like mine.Obviously, my deluded mind deduced that they were our children as I watched Nick toss the little boy in the air and catch him, while the girl clung to his legs, asking him to do the same with her.Nick let the two children play and came to lie beside me on the sand under a blue sky and bright sun.He lovingly touched my face, his touch burning more than the sun on my skin.I was smiling and happy."We never really had a chance, did we?" I asked."Of what?" Nick asked, still smiling easily."Of this," I pointed to us and the children happily running ahead. "We never had a chance at a future, and even if the accident hadn't happened, Nick's illness would eventually have become an obstacle
Sofia Adams - April 2012I blinked, returning to reality and realizing that Kate was still waiting for a response."Yes, it's because of the dream. I have this feeling that I can't live a life without Nick," I confessed. Kate gave me a knowing look, and her following words sent shivers down my spine."That you don't deserve a life when he died because of you," Kate completed, giving voice to my exact feelings. "And even though everyone says you're not to blame, you don't believe it."Kate understood more than anyone."Yes," I whispered."You stopped drinking recently, and now all the emotions you used to suppress with alcohol have nowhere else to go. You have to face them or let them overwhelm you. But that will only lead you back to alcohol," Kate said, softly uttering all of this with the authority and truth of someone who had been where I had been.We arrived at the café before I could respond, but I don't think she expected an answer.We sat at the table with our orders after wait
Ethan Hernandez - April 2012Anne had left just over a week ago, but that didn't stop her from taking care of everything from afar.I looked at her last message on my phone, wondering if it would be right to fulfill her request."Ethan, please distract Sofia a little... I trust her to be strong and all, but it must be hard for her. Maybe a conversation or just going out for a while will help. Keep me informed, okay?"I had noticed Sofia distancing herself in the past few days; she was avoiding me. And I could only think that it was because of Nick.It didn't have to be like that; I just wanted to be there for her and help. I wanted to see Sofia become herself again. I wanted our friendship back.I observed her slow improvement from a distance. Her withdrawal symptoms had eased, but she always seemed too spacey, distracted. As if she wasn't really there.And that was my fear. If she no longer had alcohol as an escape, maybe her brain would find some other way to shut down and distance
Ethan Hernandez - April, 2012Sofia smiled weakly and looked away. Our conversation had come to an end, but I wouldn't let her go like that. She needed to know that she could show me her sad side as well without fear.Since we reunited, I had received anger and bitterness. If I wanted to reestablish our connection, I would have to accept it all. And I did accept it.I accepted her sadness, her grief, her tears, and her crises.I accepted it because I knew who she was beneath it all. I loved what was underneath, and I would learn to understand what she had become on the surface.I took her hand and squeezed it. Sofia didn't return my gaze, but she squeezed my hand back, and I could see a slight smile on her lips.The Ferris wheel was slowly ascending. It would take 30 minutes to complete a full rotation, so we hadn't reached the top yet.I alternated my gaze between the window view and her. I couldn't help it; she was so beautiful.My mind traveled back to years ago, with a younger and