Chapter 41

I couldn’t help but cry. I found myself on the floor sobbing with my knees pulled into my chest.

I crawled into his bed to be close to him and his scent that night. I spent most of the weekend wandering around the apartment feeling lost and cold. It didn’t fwel roght being there without Logan. It was just an apartment. I spent Saturday and Sunday night wrapped up on the sofa in front of his fire. Sleep eluded me for the most part.

Monday the trial started again. By the time I exited the court on Monday evening I had received an email from my course provider. My results were in. I couldn’t bring myself to open them until I was back at the apartment. The journey back there felt like it took three times longer than normal. As I walked in part of me hoped for Logan’s return. I wanted him there with me when I looked at my results. I walked over to the sofa and took a seat while opening the email. I read through the letter and got my results on the second page. I couldn’t believe what I was reading, I got a distinction. Attached on the third page was my certificate with the result. I looked up wanting to share it with Logan to realise he was not there. The hurt flooded me, and I burst out crying. A mixture of happiness and sadness. I decided to send him a picture of the certificate.

‘I passed!’

Within seconds he had read the message and seen the picture.

‘Well done, you deserve the world.’

‘Logan, please come home.’

The message was read but he once again he didn’t reply. The moment was so bittersweet it was hard to swallow.

Tuesday morning came and I was back at court, we went through to Wednesday when all the evidence and witnesses had been exhausted. It was now up to the jury to decide the next steps. I spent the time pacing the courthouse halls. Evelyn and Jack tried to calm my nerves, but it was no use. I questioned Jack over Logan, but he said he had not heard from him. It only made me pace more. By Thursday afternoon the jury had reached a verdict. It took less than 24 hours.

We all entered the courtroom. My body was shaking from nerves. I found my knees bouncing with adrenalin and nerves. I couldn’t sit still. I longed for Logans calming touch. The judge entered and took his seat.

“Jury foreman, have you reached a verdict?”

He took to his feet, “We have your honor.”

“On the count of attempted murder how do you find?”

“We find the defendants, guilty.”

There were cheers from some in the audience. I felt like everything had just drained from me. I felt like such a weight had been lifted but at the same time, like I was going to pass out. Evelyn and Jack both turned to check on me, but I couldn’t focus. Guilty! I could not believe they voted guilty. I looked up as the judge was banging the gavel and requesting order within the courtroom. He thanked the jury for their service and dismissed them.

My body felt so heavy but light at the same time. I felt hands on me patting my back and shoulders from all directions with congratulations. It didn’t feel right receiving a congratulations for this. Jack and Evelyn broke through the noise. Evelyn helped me to my feet and out of the courthouse.

“They will be sentenced tomorrow morning and will be taken into remand overnight.” She explained as we walked outside.

“Thank you, both.”

“Can we take you anywhere?” Evelyn asked.

I shook my head. I knew that what I truly wanted, I couldn’t have. I found myself back at Logans apartment hoping to see him there. Jack had messaged him the result and he asked Jack to pass on the congratulations to me. I tried to call Logan but there was no answer.

That night my mind wandered everywhere. It was now decision time. Do I stay or do I go? I had passed my course, I had a guilty verdict, the trial was over, my house was no longer home. It was time to move on. I had always envisioned me moving on with Logan somehow but now he was gone for who knew how long for. He was not returning my messages or my calls.

Is there anything left for me here now? Was the question that I couldn’t shake from my mind.