Nova POV

It’s been hours since I saw him last. After the attack ended he took off with Luca and left me there on the boarders. Deep in thought I’ve been pacing my room ever since. I’m pretty sure my step counter is set to explode. He can’t be my mate. It can’t be possible. “Why not?” Nala interrupts. She’s been on cloud 9 ever since he dropped this bomb shell on me. “Because” I snap my frustration getting the better of me.

“ we are only half wolf ! We can’t have a mate , it’s just not possible. We barely qualify as a wolf why would we get a happy ending?”. She seem to ponder this for a moment. “But he’s ours Nova ! I told you he felt familiar! Obviously we don’t feel the mate bond as strongly as he does because we aren’t completely wolf but he’s ours ! He’s gorgeous and strong , a little moody for sure but we can fix that with time” she says with a wink.

I sigh and go back to pacing. I’m a heretic. Always on the move. Always in a situation where my life hangs in the balance. The only thing that allows me to step into these situations is having nothing to lose. I can throw it all down on the line , life and all for the assignment. Because if I die it affects no one. There would be no one to mourn my loss. No one to cry for me. And no one for me to second guess my choices out of fear that my death would bring them pain and I would leave them alone in this cold world.

It’s not possible for me to have a mate. Yet as I think this i can’t deny the overwhelming urge to go to him. To climb in to his bed and surrender myself to him completely. To have what I know beyond a doubt would be the best sex of my life. Not that my sex life has been particularly spicy up until this point. I shudder as I think back to the last time I had sex. Although calling it sex feels overly generous. The man rubbed my left flap for 10 minutes straight until I felt nothing but annoyed. Then he plunged into me and came in 2 minutes.

To add insult to injury he had the audacity to ask me if I came. I came to my damn senses all right. That’s the last time I’ve been with anyone and certainly the first and last time I’ve entertained a human. “Wow” I mumble and shake the memory away. I reach into my back pocket to pull my phone out and check my messages looking for a distraction when Luca sticks his head around the door I left ajar. I glance down at my phone and see it’s 2am. “Oh your still awake! Matt asked me to pop my head in and check on you” oh I bet he did I think to myself.

My mate who hates me. He’s probably hoping I’d tried to jump from the top floor or shimmy my ass down a drain pipe to escape this mess. “That’s strange” I mumble not looking up. The sound of shuffling footsteps makes me look up at Luca who steps into the the room towards me. “Nova can I ask you something?” Concern etched on his face. I nod. He takes a seat in the lounge area of the suite. He motions for me to join him. I hesitate. He takes a breath and says “ why didn’t you shift? I get that you have magic and all but why didn’t you shift?” Oh no , do I really want to have this conversation right now.

My mind swims at his question. I exhale and move to the seat opposite him. My hands fumbling in my lap while I try to figure out the best way to approach this. Is this really a secret I’m going to trust a stranger with? He looks at me and I can tell by the look in his eye that he won’t accept anything less than the truth from me. My heart rate spikes. Embarrassment and shame flood me. I take a deep breath to steady myself and my nerves and decide to tell him the truth , the whole truth and nothing but the truth. “Don’t be so dramatic” Nala sighs bedding down to watch the show unfold. Lucas gaze hasn’t wavered. His eyes burning bright with curiosity. “I don’t have control or experience fighting in wolf form” I admit through clenched teeth.I tilt my head down in shame and wait for him to laugh at me and mock me.

Everyone who’s ever found out have all laughed. Laughed and called me useless. A waste of a wolf. Worse than a rogue. I’ve heard it all. It’s silent for a minute. When I finally look up I find he’s looking at me but there’s no sign of laughter on his face. “Can you explain?” He asks softly.