Chapter 2 (Father Part 2)

Chapter 2

Father

“Mama?”

Pareho silang napalingon ng kaibigan sa maliit na boses na tumawag sa kanya. Dorothea found her little one standing by the kitchen’s door, cutely rubbing his sleepy eyes in his mint green, avocado-printed pajamas.

Akmang tatayo na siya para lapitan ito nang mauna na si Rita. “Ako na. Alam kong pagod ka.”

Tumango siya. “Salamat.”

Pabiro siya nitong inisnaban. “Tigilan mo nga. Para kang others d’yan.”

Lumapit na ito sa anak niya saka ito binuhat. Hindi naman nagreklamo si Raisen dahil sanay na sa kanyang tita Rita. Pinakandong ito sa kanya ng kaibigan nang makalapit. Agad namang yumakap ang anak kay Dorothea.

“I’m sorry nagising ka namin. Tulog ka na ulit,” alo niya sa anak na humilig na sa kanyang dibdib.

“You’re late again, Mama,” nagtatampo nitong sabi.

“Busy kasi sa work si Mama. Don’t worry kasi I promised you we will go out this weekend, ‘di ba?”

“With tita ninang?” He was talking about Rita who immediately smiled when heard the child’s endearment for her.

“Yes. With tita ninang.”

“Hmm. Okay.” Raisen let his head rest comfortably on Dorothea’s chest and closed his eyes. “Good night, Mama. I love you.”

“Good night, baby. I love you too. Sleep tight.”

Dorothea kissed the little guy’s hair and caressed his back. Maya-maya ay napatingin siya kay Rita na nanonood sa kanila.

“Alam mo, I still can’t believe your story. Noong kinuwento mo sa ‘kin, akala ko hindi totoong nangyari lahat ‘yon.”

Kahit siya rin naman. Hindi rin siya makapaniwala. “But it is. It’s unbelievable but it’s true.”

“Oo nga. Pero may tanong ako ah. Alam kong masaya ka na dito pero does it still occur to you sometimes?” naninimbang ang tono ng kanyang kaibigan. “Hinahanap ka pa rin kaya no’ng boyfriend mo?”

Natigilan ang dalaga at napatingin sa anak, sinisigurado munang tulog na ito. When she heard his steady breathing, saka lang siyang humugot ng hininga bago sumagot.

“Naiisip ko pa rin naman pero ang dami na masyadong nangyari sa buhay ko, Rita. Apat na taon na rin ang nakalipas at hindi ko na rin ulit naramdaman na merong nanonood sa ‘kin o ano lalo na noong nagsimula ako sa Kampo. I guess he’s already moved on from that part of his life. Hindi rin naman ako naging malaking parte ng buhay niya kaya siguro, limot na niya ako ngayon. O baka nga may asawa na ‘yon.”

“Hindi ka naging malaking parte ng buhay niya pero pinahanap ka?”

“Rita—”

“Oo na, oo na. Matagal na ‘yon. ‘Wag na nating pag-usapan.” Her friend echoed what she always says sa tuwing nabi-bring up nito ang tungkol kay Rence. “Sinasabi ko lang naman na walang taong papasundan ka sa lahat ng lugar na pinuntahan mo kung hindi ka naging importante sa kanya.”

“We were childhood friends from his province,” sansala niya.

“Childhood friends who fucked?”

“Rita!” halos pabulong niyang saway rito sabay tingin sa anak niya.

“Tulog naman siya.”

Sumimangot si Dorothea. “Naka-move on na ‘yon, Rita. And it’s not like we were serious. Naging girlfriend niya lang naman ako kasi kailangan niya ng ipapakilala sa pamilya niya para hindi na siya piliting magpakasal. Never niya namang sinabi na may feelings siya sa akin and he probably looked for me because he felt responsible. I was living with him and I suddenly vanished kaya baka he was only making sure na safe ako kung nasaan man ako. His men disappeared when I went here kaya siguro napanatag na siya noong nakitang okay naman na ako rito.”

Rita was silent for a good minute habang si Dorothea naman ay pilit winawaglit sa isipan ang mga bagay na ayaw na niyang balikan. Sa loob ng apat na taon, she became busy about surviving and taking care of her child that she has forgotten the bitter parts of her life. Pero… magsisinungaling siya kung sasabihin niyang hindi niya ni minsan naisip ang tungkol sa nakaraan—kung bakit siya nahantong sa sitwasyon niya sa kasalukuyan.

There were realizations which hit her as her mind cleared over time. Malabo pa rin sa kanya kung paano siya napunta sa motel kasama ang hindi niya kilalang lalaki and how her friend let her be in that situation, but she had all her theories that she didn’t try to seek confirmations for. It was her biggest question but what’s lingering inside her head in the quietest of nights was that one small possibility na hindi niya kayang isatinig.

At minsan, ikinahihiya niya ring naiisip niya.

“Paano kung siya pala ang tatay ni Raisen?”

Dorothea felt like she was hit by a lighting when Rita asked the same question that she couldn’t voice out. It was not impossible but she couldn’t let herself hang on that thin string of probability. She wouldn’t let herself hope. Because she knew, out of all, how far hope could take her. At natatakot siyang madala kasi sa huli, kapag mali siya, hindi lang siya ang madudurog ngunit maging ang anak niya.

Ayaw niya itong paasahin. At ayaw niya ring paasahin ang sarili.

That’s why it was better to think otherwise. Mas mabuting isipin niya na lang na anak si Raisen ng hindi niya kilalang lalaki. Kasi iyon, mas madali lang tanggapin. Kasi iyon, hindi na siya masasaktan.

Dorothea stood and fixed Raisen on her arms. “Hindi siya, Rita.”

“Hindi mo alam ‘yon, Thea.”

“Alam ko.” She smiled bitterly before facing the direction of her son’s room.

“Paano?”

“Because I made sure he wasn’t.”