Chapter 7

Linden smashed her thumbs against the phone screen so hard she nearly dropped it onto the cracked, oil-slick pavement of España Boulevard.

Linden: Gaga! Seryoso ako! Anong 'kahit hindi na'? I’m asking from a strictly practical, risk-assessment perspective! Nasaan ka nga?

Joline: Sus! Malapit lang ako sa convenience store.

She shoved the phone into her pocket, huffing a sharp breath that did absolutely nothing to cool the intense heat crawling up her neck. She dodged a passing jeepney’s cloud of black exhaust, her flat shoes practically flying toward the corner where Joline was waiting under the flickering light of a convenience store signboard.

Her phone buzzed violently in her palm before she even reached the curb.

Joline: Saka practical perspective my foot! Linden, ₱2,700 per hour ang sahod mo para magpakain ng pusa, tapos biglang risk-assessment sa condom? Aba, mukhang hindi lang pala pusa ang pinalalambot mo riyan sa mansyon! Gwapo ba amo mo?

Linden: Manahimik ka. Papunta na ako.

Maya-maya ay narinig na ni Linden ang boses ng kaibigan.

"Hoy! Linden!" sigaw ni Joline nang makita si Linden habang winawagayway ang isang plastic bag na kalansing ng mga bote ng flavored beer at chocolate. "Masarap ang chismis kapag may alak."

Agad na nilapitan ni Joline si Linden. "So, describe your boss bago kita bigyan ng diagnosis. Gwapo? Mayaman? Ilang taon na?" sunod-sunod niyang tanong.

"Manahimik ka nga, Joli, baka may makarinig sa'yo," pabulong na saway ni Linden, bagaman napangiti siya nang bahagya habang tinatabtab ang pawis sa kaniyang noo. "Saan tayo?"

"Sa apartment ko, siyempre! Free entertainment, free therapist, at libreng alak," hila sa kaniya ni Joline patungo sa kalapit na sakayan ng tricycle.

Paglipas ng kalahating oras, nakaupo na silang dalawa sa linoleum na sahig ng maliit na apartment ni Joline. Ang electric fan ay maingay na umiikot sa sulok, habang ang tatlong bakanteng bote ng San Mig Light ay nakatumba na sa tabi ng isang plato ng sisig at dalawang kalahating porsiyon ng kape.

Linden was leaning back against the wooden frame of Joline's bed, her glasses resting crookedly on her nose. Her canvas bag sat unopened in the corner, her thesis drafts completely forgotten under the heavy, hazy fog of cheap alcohol and sheer emotional exhaustion.

"So," panimula ni Joline, sabay lagok mula sa kaniyang bote at turo ng tinidor kay Linden. "Ikwento mo sa akin. Kasi noong una, pusa lang ang ikinukwento mo. 'Siam is pacing, Barnaby is aggressive.' Tapos ngayon, nagtatanong ka na tungkol sa contraception? Anong klaseng behavioral modification 'yan, ha?"

Linden felt her cheeks burn, the alcohol amplifying the sudden, intense rush of blood to her face. She took a long, desperate gulp from her glass, the bitter cold liquid sliding down her dry throat.

"Hindi ko alam, Joli..." pabulong niyang simula, staring down at the condensation pooling around her bottle. "Nagsimula lang naman sa logbook, e. Doon kami nag-uusap tungkol sa mga pusa. Pabalang siya mag-iwan ng notes tungkol sa mga pusa niya. Napakayabang. Tapos... nung umuwi siya mula sa cruise ship, doon na nagkagulo ang lahat."

"Bakit? Panget ba?" biro ni Joline.

"Gaga. Hindi," napairap si Linden, a faint, breathless laugh escaping her lips as the image of Evren drifted into her mind—his broad shoulders, his dark eyes, and the suffocating scent of sandalwood and sea salt. "He's... overwhelming. He's thirty-two, a multi-millionaire maritime chef, and he controls everything around him with absolute precision. High-status, arrogant, and completely ruthless."

Joline’s jaw practically dropped, her eyes widening as she leaned closer across the low table. "Tang*na, Linden. So totoong mukhang galing sa magazine? Tapos ano? Pinatulan ka?"

"Joli!" mabilis na saway ni Linden, her face burning hotter. "Walang 'pinatulan'! Magkaiba kami ng mundo. He lives in this massive, silent estate with marble counters and million-dollar contracts. Tapos ako... nag-aalala pa ako kung aabot ba ang natitirang baon ko para sa pamasahe bukas matapos kong magpadala ng pambayad sa utang ni Tatay."

"Pero may nangyari na?" seryosong tanong ni Joline, her voice softening into a genuine, protective tone.

Linden swallowed hard, her fingers tightening around the glass. She couldn't tell Joline the explicit details—she couldn't bring herself to put into words the agonizing, exquisite way Evren had held her, or how his tongue had completely dismantled her logic on the gray silk sheets of the pavilion.

"Wala, Joli," pabulong na pag-amin ni Linden, her voice trembling slightly under the influence of the beer. "Pero, he shortened his rotations from two weeks, to one week... tapos ngayon, sinasabi niya na uuwi na siya araw-araw para lang makita ako pagkatapos ng klase ko."

"Gago," pabulong na mura ni Joline, absolute shock written all over her face. "Araw-araw? Isang bilyonaryong amo, binago ang buong schedule ng trabaho niya para lang sa 26-year-old na cat-sitter?"

"Iyon nga ang kinakatakutan ko, e. I mean, nasa edad na ako. 6 years ahead lang naman siya sa akin. Pero bilang babae na may kaunting self-respect, ayaw ko namang bumigay agad," humihikbi na halos na tawa ni Linden, her head rolling back against the bed frame as the alcohol stripped away her clinical defense mechanisms. "Sa psychology, kapag ang dalawang variables ay masyadong magkaiba, the predictive model breaks down! It doesn't make sense, Joli! Pano kapag natapos na ang graduation? Kapag wala na akong dahilan para magpakain ng mga pusa niya? What are the possibilities for someone like me in his world?"

Joline looked at her best friend for a long moment, seeing the raw vulnerability behind the high grades, the thick glasses, and the constant financial stress Linden had carried for four long years. She reached over, squeezing Linden’s wrist tightly.

"Linden, makinig ka sa akin," seryosong sabi ni Joline, her own voice slightly slurred but sharp with affection. "Kalimutan mo muna 'yang mga predictive model at behavioral theories mo. Ang tanong lang naman dito... gusto mo ba siya? Ligtas ka ba sa kaniya? Saka physiological needs ang sex pero... kaya ka bang panindigan kapag nabutas ang condom at nabuntis ka niya?"

Linden closed her eyes, letting out a long, shaky breath. The memory of Evren’s warm, calloused hands tucking the blanket over her shoulders, and the rough, possessive promises he whispered against her skin flooded her senses.

"I feel... safer with him than I’ve ever felt anywhere else," pabulong na tapat na sagot ni Linden. "Pakiramdam ko, kapag hawak niya ako, hindi ko kailangang maging matapang. Hindi ko kailangang mag-alala sa pera o sa hinaharap."

"Baka naman gusto mo lang kasi mapera. Paano kung hindi mapera, gusto mo pa din?"

"Hindi. Kaya nga ako nag-apply doon kasi mukha akong pera, e."

Malakas na tumawa si Joline sa sagot ng kaibigan. "Pero... kapag isang araw hindi mo mapigilan ang sarili mo sa lakas ng karisma ng boss mo, sex responsibly. Use condom. Matanda ka naman na, you know what's right and wrong. Tandaan mo, gusto mo pang magtapos sa pag-aaral."

"Alam ko. Iiwasan ko na lang hanggat kaya ko. Hindi rin naman ako pwedeng mag-resign, kailangan ko ang pera niya," nasisinok na sabi ni Linden. "Saka malay ko sa sex. Alam mo namang wala akong experience sa gano'n."

"Pero kung head over heels naman na sa ganda mo, bakuran mo na."

"Malay ko, Jo. Hindi ko nga sure kung single siya e. Hindi pa naman kami gaanong magkakilala. Malandi siya sa akin, iyon lang ang alam ko."

"Basta be careful. Madali na ang sex kapag nasa akto ka na pero ang aftermath, mahirap 'yan!"

Linden let out a rich, genuine laugh, shaking her head as she clinked her bottle against Joline's. "Napakagaling mong mag-analyze, Joli. San ka kumuha ng unit sa Clinical Psych?"

"Sa San Mig Light University!" hiyaw ni Joline.

As the rain continued to pour outside the small Sampaloc apartment, Linden took another long drink, letting the warm, dizzying haze wash over her. For the first time in years, she didn't try to chart her future or calculate her risks. Tonight, surrounded by empty bottles and her best friend's loud laughter, she simply let herself feel the overwhelming, terrifying truth: ginugulo ni Evren ang sistema niya—and there was no textbook in the world that could save her from him.