"Good morning everyone, I trust the reports have been turned in, I hope you loved Egypt history because the next report submission will be centered on the French revolution" the whole class groaned, I just rolled my eyes, typical Mr. Talin, history lecturer, I think he taught just to torture students, this wasn't part of our syllabus, he just enjoyed zapping the lives out of us.
"Oh there there, that's enough, from french we shall study more advanced areas of this world from the root, don't bother my class, don't pretend like you don't understand and please don't bother me with whatever you don't understand, I have better classes to attend to, understand?, Nice let's begin" are you freaking kidding me?, He didn't even wait for our opinions?, What happened to our fudging rights?.
"I have an introduction f
Its been two weeks two days and five minutes since the incident that shall not be spoken about happened.I haven't left my room much, just following my new found pattern, classes-church-room, i felt a fierce need to reaffirm my faith, I needed God more than ever.It seemed like everyone knew what i had done, i couldn't get over the look of disgust on everyone's faces or maybe it was just my imagination.I reeked of Shame and uncertainty, i didn't talk to mom much anymore, i felt like i had betrayed and shamed her.I saw cherry here and there, she always tried to talk to me but i always found a way to dodge every attempt, there was this constant flash of hurt whenever I looked into her eyes but she needed to understand, this new world she pushed me into was dragging me under.I had a sinking feeling that i was going to drown.Sermons these days seem to about me, I've been losing
In all my - years of existence,I have experienced multiple emotions, multiple types of feelings, but none quite like this.She fell on her bed dragging me on top of her while her lips where still pressed on mine. Her hands on my back, mine on her face tracing every edge and angle.It was the most intense feeling I've ever had, my whole body was vibrating.I mean I had had sex before but sh** I just couldn't get over the way her lips and hands made me feelA little later after the endless fight for dominance which I lost to,the urge to rip each other's clothes off became unbearable.I broke the kiss, her lips were swollen, the enormous feeling of pride almost made me smirk."I haven't ever done anything like this before, I mean uhm with a girl"I managed to say with a trembling voice and that annoying blush on my face."Just follow my lead"
I walked round campus like I was on cloud nine, I always had a smile on my face these days, people judged me with their eyes, others criticized me with their mouths but nothing could hold me down, I had to lose my religion and create mine, I trusted in this.I had to lose myself to become this new me, my bracket of religion couldn’t push this away, I'm sure God understood, did he? I shook my head, chasing the insecurities away, I was finally happy.It’s said to be wrong but my heart, my head, my very being was in this, no shred of discomfort was visible to me, known to me, and I knew this was meant to be.Then there was cherry, I couldn’t stop smiling when I thought about her, people referred to me as ‘hers’ now, Malnovs beloved, Malnovs monalisa, it was really weird but I guess that’s what happens when you date a Malnov, I cared little about her status actually, I just wanted her.
I went back to ignoring cherry, avoiding her at every turn, I started hanging out with Ray more, he had a girlfriend now, her name was Asher, we called her archer just to get under her skin, she was really cute, dark skinned, short and crazy.They always hinted on a triad but my heart was elsewhere.I could feel Cherry's eyes everywhere I went, see who the stalker was now.She kept sending me messages, some sweet, some needy, she woke me up with romantic texts, left loving voicemails, tried to talk to me every day, I was flattered really but I didn’t need all the physical assurances, she broke our emotional bridge, no amount of flowers or chocolates could fix that.I went back to my former routine, classes, if I wanted to attend them, cafeteria, library, walk around campus, Ray’s room or mine.We had fun most times, we either talked about anime or played video games, I always won though, what c
The following week had me in a daze, I was just grateful we had a free week, our exams were over, we just had to party our freshmen skins off, tradition they said.I spent most of my time with cherry, I had basically moved in with her, I called it getting our lost moments back, cherry went out of her way all week, she spoilt me rotten, I did love the attention but money coming from her felt wrong.I loved her either way but I didn’t want her to think I wanted her money or feel obliged to buy me stuff, I made it a rule, if it wasn’t important don’t buy it, if it wasn’t needed don’t get it, in return if she did buy it I couldn’t whine about the price, we went back and forth, throwing rules, countering others.The more time I spent with cherry the less I did Ray and Asher, she didn’t like him and she made it known, she extended the dislike to Asher, she was just that petty.I tried several times in several ways t
The sendoff email was still fresh in my mail box when I hauled my ass to the bus station, cherry whined for thirty minutes before she let me go, some kisses half way in and I was fueled for the days ahead.My mom wanted to pick me up, I would have liked that but I tore off my freshmen skin for something, I needed to stay true to the pact I made, freshmen before, freshmen never again.I was sitting in a bus with an old man’s head on my shoulder listening to the melodic tunes of his snores, things we do for our promises.I stared out through the window as I listened to music, I enjoyed the view anytime I traveled or went on a road trip, I was a sucker for them.I chatted back and forth with cherry, rejected a video call because I didn’t trust her not to tease me, I needed a clear head and underwear for this journey no matter how much I loved her.The journey was over before I cou
This scene felt all too familiar, staring at this unattractive ceiling, laying on this cold bed, surfing through the memories zooming in and out of my head, I retraced every road, redrew every line, unsaid every word but I was still in this plain room, I couldn’t retrace that.I woke up to my new reality, my chosen path, how did I feel? Thrilled but scared, what would I do? Live life as I wanted now, with who I wanted and how I desired to.I decided to call my mom later in the day, maybe she would want to meet up to hear me out, she would hear me out right? I might want to be free, desire to be loved and ready to be known but my family still is and would always be my family.The neighborhood was quiet and business like, no birds chirping, no neighbor screaming, I missed the little things but I wanted to be who I was, to live freely not as a FAG but as a person.I'd come a long way, fought so many battles,
Sitting in my low budget hotel room with my multi-millionaire girlfriend felt surreal, I stayed quiet while she animated her argument, using her hands, she exaggerated her point, one hundred and one reasons why she couldn’t make it yesterday.Listening to cherry’s excuses, doubt slowly crept into my heart, enveloped my mind and seized my body, there was so many excuses I doubted she knew she wasn’t keeping up.One went into another again and again, it began to sound like sweet lies, the tune perfectly played, I was beyond swayed, beyond saving.“Why are you lying to me?”With a shocked expression, she argued “Kat you know I've never lied to you amore mio, why would you think that?”“Where were you when I kept calling?”“I was at work, I couldn’t escape, I tried to cal-”“Bullshit