009. She can't remember

Killian 

The surgery ended by 11pm. I tossed my gloves in the bin and rushed to pack up so I could go to Raven.

She needs me.

The door to the wash room opened and I looked over my shoulders to see Scarlett.“ Sir...here are the results of the scan.” Scarlett came up behind me. 

I dried my hands and took the envelope from her. The result was just as I expected.My jaw twitched  as I squeezed the paper. I had been wondering why the fuck she doesn't recognize me. She still has a contusion ,which hasn't been properly treated

“ Umm ... .sir,the scan was done without her consent and it has been stored in the hospital records,there's a high chance she'll find out about it.” Scarlett explained and I tossed the x-ray photographs on the floor. 

" Then fucking get rid of the records!” I snapped. 

I hate the fact that all she remembers is her life with Viktor.

“Crap…” I ran a hand over my head as I paced.Now I'll have to start over ,it's going to be fucking hard. 

It's either I get her treated ,she regains her memory,  then she'll remember what I did and she'll push me away again. Or I let her remain in the dark and deal with the fact that she's married to my fucking brother and in love with him. 

Either way I'm at the losing end and I hate it. It should have been me,not Viktor. If only I hadn't left.

Scarlett was still standing by the door.“ Umm..Killian?” She asked. 

" What!” 

She stepped into the wash room and closed the door behind her.“ Why are you still doing this? She's married,I thought you were over this.” 

I pressed my palm on the sink as I stared at the running water. It's what I thought too,I thought I was cool with how things ended between us but I'm not. 

I've been fighting it for years ,and I'm fucking exhausted. I want her back,I don't care how but I want her back. 

I turned to face Scarlett. She had been a close friend while I was in med school and we've been together ever since. She knows everything and she has been the only support I had over the years. “ I don't know….I just want her back.” 

Scarlett's brow creased.“ No you don't,you just feel guilty because of what happened.” She stepped closer to me and leaned against the sink beside me.

“Let it go….if you keep this up it's going to be complicated.” She remarked.

I chuckled.“ Are you saying that because you still have a crush on me?” 

She punched me in the ribs and I groaned.“ That's disgusting…I have someone I'm interested in incase you've forgotten.” 

I raised a brow as she walked back to the door.“ It's been months now and you still haven't shown me the guy.”I let out a mocking laugh.“ Are you sure he even exists?” 

" It's none of your business,focus on your own complicated love life.” She snapped. 

My smile fell.“ Just get rid of the records. She shouldn't find out about it at any cost.” 

Scarlett sighed.“ I can't do that because you're not fully in control of the hospital yet…” 

I waved a hand.“ I'm signing the papers by tomorrow so yes you can.” 

She shook her head and then left . I was left alone with my thoughts.  Do I feel guilty because of what happened or am I still in love with her ? 

I can't tell anymore but one thing is for sure. I want her back. I want her to be mine again. 

She was staring at the wall when I got to the ward. Her eyes were red and swollen a bit. The phone was on the floor,with a broken screen and I knew that instant that Viktor wasn't coming.

He was a selfish man but Raven was too blinded to see that or rather she had been blinded.

“ Hey ….you okay?” I nudged her arm.

She blinked but did not respond.

“ We have to go,it's almost midnight.” I told her but she only nodded. 

I supported her till we got to my car and I helped her put on the seat belt. She had been quiet for a while now ,even as I drove and I took her to my apartment.

She should have complained about how I was touching her by now but she said nothing until I opened my door and we both stepped into my living room.

She scrunched up her nose in irritation.“ This is not my dorm,Killian. It reeks of cigarettes.” 

Finally! she said something. 

I led her to the couch.“ It's safer if you are in a place where I can watch over you.” 

She placed a hand over her nose ,an irritated expression on her face.

" Come on ,it's not that bad.” I jeered.

She sneered and I nearly laughed .At least she's no longer moody." Why do you even smoke? You're a doctor!” 

I sat beside her and began taking off my shoes. When I was done,I crouched before her and helped her take off her shoes.“ I only smoke when I'm stressed and I'm stressed everyday so it's a routine.” 

She tapped my shoulders ,more like a slap.“Stop smoking,you're killing your lungs. At least don't do it while I'm here...I hate the smell.” 

“If I stop ,then I need something else to relieve my stress." I picked up her shoes and placed them on my shoe rack along with my other shoes.

“ Then find something else." She suggested.

I unbuttoned  my shirt and tossed it on the couch. She can't see,so there's no need for me to be worried about exposing my torso. It's not that I don't have abs…I just haven't really been working on them lately.In more simpler terms,my abs were fading. 

“It’s not that easy." I said.

The door bell rang ,interrupting our conversation.“ I'll get it." 

I went over to the door to open it. Scarlett stood there,with a bag in her hand.I took it from her and peeked through it.“ Thanks…” 

I noticed as her line of sight went past me.“ So she's living with you now?" She scoffed.“ While I run errands at midnight for her?" 

I looked over at Raven ,sitting absentmindedly on the couch.“ Yeah,she's blind . She needs help.” 

“ You could have hired someone to do that.” Her tone sounded bitter.

I stared at her and she stared right back,a scornful look on her face.“ You shouldn't be bothered about her living with me.” I kept my expression cool.

She scoffed."You're a man and she's a woman ,a lot of things can happen.” 

“ And such things are none of your business, Scarlett.” 

She pressed her lips into a thin line as she glanced over my shoulders one last time. Jealousy was clearly visible in her eyes but she'll deal with it. 

I shouldn't have let her get too close.“ I'll see you tomorrow….thanks by the way.” I didn't wait for her to respond or she'll keep on asking questions based on her emotions so I shut the door. 

" Who was that?” Raven asked .

" Someone I asked to get a couple of things for you. You need a change of clothes and something to eat.” I explained as I put down the bag on the side table. 

" Oh…." She mouthed.“ Thank you.” 

" You're welcome.” I smirked,I guess she had finally accepted my help. 

" Time to bathe and change your band-aid.” I grabbed her wrist gently and helped her stand. 

I noticed as she tensed and her cheeks turned red.“ I can do it myself,you don't have to.” 

I led her to my bathroom.“ We had a deal, Raven,if your husband doesn't show up then you have to accept my help and from the looks of things,he abandoned you.” 

Her face fell asleep, pain flashed across her eyes.“You didn't have to say it to my face.” she whispered ,her voice cracking. 

I turned on the shower and adjusted the temperature.“ It's nothing to be ashamed of. It only  proves that your husband is a selfish coward if he can't even take care of his wife. So don't feel bad about it,his reaction to your situation only shows that he doesn't love you.” 

Her lips trembled.“ He….loves me.” 

I sighed but decided not to push further. She's still emotional about everything happening right now  and with time she'll come to her senses. 

“Take off your clothes." I started and she tensed,eyes widening like saucers.

I snorted when she didn't say a word in response.“ Are you going to take a bath with your clothes on?” 

She gasped, bringing her hands to wrap them around herself.“ I …I don't feel comfortable with this.”  

“ It's the first time so you're not supposed to, but don't worry ,you'll get used to it." I moved closer and grabbed her top,about to pull it over her shoulders when she grabbed my hands. 

“ Wait …”she gulped, obviously tensed from my presence.“I'm married,it's not right for you to see my body!” She continued.

Fuck! Not this again! 

“ Raven…..this is not about your marriage or your commitment. It's about you…what if you fall again? Besides you have a band-aid on,someone has to help you with that.” My voice had risen by the time I finished. 

It was pissing me off. She's here bothering over a man that doesn't even care how she's coping with her situation. 

“ If you're not going to let me then I'm sorry,I'll have to tie you up and do what I can to help." I growled ,my voice firm.

She hesitated for a few seconds but then she let go of my hands and I was somewhat relieved. 

I took off her top ,then her trousers. She stood before me in her bra and her panties. I saw them this morning so it shouldn't be a big deal,right?

Who am I kidding? 

This morning I didn't pay much attention because I was in a hurry but now she's half naked before me. 

I swallowed hard as I unhooked her bra. Her muscles were tense and stiff. She was literally shaking. 

Maybe this was a bad idea. 

The moment I removed the last of her clothing –her panties,I lost it.