MasukThere’s a saying that when you love someone, you let them go, and if they come back, that means they’re yours. But whoever said that couldn’t have truly loved anyone, or they’d know how much of a pain it is to actually let someone go.But he came back. River Dawson came back to me, and now I’m his.I’m his girl.The feeling is sensational. Like I’m floating somewhere above the clouds, birds singing hallelujah in my ears. Four years of loving him.He finally chose me.I open my eyes from his kiss—God, I missed this. The closeness. The passion. And now I get to have it without hiding how I truly feel.I look up at him, unable to stop smiling, the whole thing still surreal. “I’m not dreaming, am I?” My voice comes out hoarse. “Because if I am, I don’t want to wake up.”His eyes search mine, hands cupping my face. “Of course not. This isn’t a dream, Chan. It’s real. I want you.” Then his expression shifts, worry creeping in. His hands slip from my face, and he looks away. Something in my
I’m ignoring Cortney.She has called and texted, telling me how sorry she feels, but I’m still angry. Still ignoring her.I miss my best friend. But I think we need a break from each other. She’s becoming someone I don’t recognize anymore. Not that I’m innocent in all this—I have my own fair share of bad decisions. But who was I hurting, besides myself?I roll out of bed, rubbing my eyes. Last night I slipped out of Cortney’s room, and luckily neither River nor Ricky caught me before I made it out.In one of Cort’s texts, she clarified that Sasha is okay, that she’s been sent home, but what if there’s an aftermath nobody is accounted for yet?What she gave Sasha was a hard drug. Little or not, it was still a hard drug. And I’m not curious about Sasha’s truth anymore. If it took Cortney going to that extreme to get it, I don’t want to know it.Okay—maybe part of me is scared of what I’d find. Think about it: whatever it is has to be big, big enough that Sasha has held onto it for years
Well, I guess Cort won’t be drugging Sasha after all. It’s back to the “getting her drunk” plan.Cortney strides toward the entrance while Cleo hangs back with me. “Do you think she can pull it off?” Cleo turns her head to me. “Get Sasha to actually believe she wants to be friends again?”I meet her gaze and smile. “If anyone can pull this off, it’s Cortney.” I loop my hand through hers and tug her forward. “And us? Let’s go mingle.”We wade into the party, and I can feel the stares landing on me, though no one actually walks over. I feel like a new face—which, I guess, is exactly what I look like to them now. Chopped hair, pixie curls. Curiosity flickers in every glance that passes over me.“Looks like no one recognizes you,” Cleo says.“I think it’s for the best.” I take a slow breath, shoulders loosening. “For once, I don’t want anyone talking about me.” I reach for the punch bowl, ladle out two cups, and hand one to Cleo. “We can’t afford to get drunk tonight, alright? We need to
It’s finally Friday, and Cortney is even happier than I am about taking Sasha down.She paces the length of her room, hands moving as she talks. “This is the day. And tonight, we’re hosting the best party ever.” She turns to Cleo and me, flashing that brightest smile of hers.We had a sleepover at her place last night. When we got in, I didn’t see River. I meant it when I said I’d let him go, and even if he’d complimented me, I wouldn’t have been moved. I just smiled. That was all. So instead of doing what old me would’ve done, which is finding some excuse to get his attention, I just stayed in Cortney’s room and hid there.Tomorrow is still my date with Ricky, and I’m excited about it. We talked about what kinds of games I like. Honestly, I don’t know. I’ve never really played any, so he offered to teach me Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter. We’re also riding the arcade bikes.I can’t wait.“Chancé, are you even listening?” Cortney’s voice pulls me back. I nod. “Good. Because you and
***~~~CHANCÉ~~~***I wasn’t disturbed by the sound of my phone ringing or a text beeping in. I haven’t slept this well in weeks.My just-awoken face scans the room, gaze still blurred. Then I jump at the beeping of my phone.It’s definitely Cortney. She did say she’d send a text by 12, and I was okay with it. So, I can’t be angry.I rub the sleep from my eyes and check the message. She’ll be here in 20 minutes.I moan, but I finally take myself out of bed and stretch. I take my bath, then head downstairs for breakfast. The pot is empty. I check the freezer for leftovers, and that’s when I spot the handwritten note taped to the fridge. I take it off and read.Mom is sorry she couldn’t cook. She said an emergency came up, so she had to leave early. I should take cereal from the cabinet, and there’s some change on top of the fridge. I stretch up to grab it. Twenty dollars. “Great.”I pull the cereal from the cabinet, pour the milk, and sit alone at the table in the quiet house, chewing
***~~~RIVER~~~***It’s been peaceful not getting messages or calls from Sasha.It’s been so quiet and perfect.But something is bothering me.Chan told me about her second date with Ricky. It doesn’t sit well with me. I know I showed her I was okay with it. I smiled, said the right things, but the truth is I am not okay with it. Not even a little.I should have stayed. Kissed her. But I didn’t. I don’t know why I didn’t.~~~Friday night was fun. I went out with the guys and we partied into Saturday morning before I dragged myself home tired. Dad didn’t notice. He was buried in his office as usual.The house feels alive again now that Cortney got her life back. We weren’t surprised to see her at the breakfast table Sunday morning. She showed up already sparkling, already smiling, already fully herself again. She was ready for the mid term holiday.I don’t really have plans for the week but I’ll be paying Riley a visit so we can actually catch up properly. This is the only window we
***~~~ CHANCÉ~~~***I’m still mad at him. But not the loud kind of mad. Not the kind where you slam doors or yell. The quiet, painful kind. The kind that sits heavy in my chest and refuses to leave.I feel sad. I felt hurt when he said the word “As if” to his cousin, Ricky. I know what we do isn’
Ricky loves attention. No—he is attention.There’s something about him. An aura that pulls people in without effort. Everywhere he goes, people notice him. He’s the complete opposite of me.Bright. Dirty blond hair. Always laughing. Always surrounded by people—especially girls. He feeds off it. Liv
***~~~ RIVER~~~***I notice her. I’ve always noticed her, and Chan has always been… naive. Quiet. Too soft for someone like me.I’ve been watching her for four years. Even before all these forbidden escapades. Before the lake. Before she saved my life.My jaw tightens slightly at the memory. If s
I feel used. Completely used. That’s been the way I’ve felt since the first time River came into my room. He didn’t even acknowledge it before he just took what he wanted.There was one thing I thought would change. I thought if I let him have my body, my virginity, he would like me back, but I gue







