CHAPTER 5. MEMORIES AND REALITY

Arthur slid into the passenger's seat of the cab that pulled up in front of him. Richard welcomed him with a grin. 

“It's freezing out here, man. What took you so long?“

“Sorry, bro. Just had to find the right outfit.“ Richard gestured at his outfit. Black, denim jacket. Black boot. Black gloves. Black hat. Black shades. 

“You look like you're on goddamn espionage.“ Arthur had zero sense of humor for the night. Something about racing through that door earlier today plunged him into a terrible mood.

“And you look like you wanna be recognized wherever you go.“ Richard pecked at Arthur's coat. 

“Dressed all noble and formal. It's a wonder you didn't ask to be chauffeured to the nightclub in a Rolls Royce.“

“Trust me, I did give it a thought. Still find it ridiculous that you suggested we go in a cab.“

“It's all part of the disguise, man.“

“You said we were hitting a nightclub. You said nothing about going in a disguise.“

“I didn't know I had to spell it all out for you. My bad.“  Richard nudged him. “So tell me...“

Arthur had already tuned out the noises and voices. Looking out the window, he got lost in thought. The morning incident of chasing after a  'supposed Stacie' left him sullen. One more time, he'd felt her close. One more time he was wrong. If only he'd learn to accept that Stacie was gone for good.

Locked up in his apartment, he'd spent all afternoon beating himself up. With each passing day, he was drowning deeper in agony. His soul still bled like it did a year, six months ago. His wounds were still raw and fresh.

The jokes he made; the braveness he showed; was all just a front. Deep down, it still rained tears. He still craved Stacie. And he hated himself for it.

“Please tell me you listened to everything I said.“ Richard groaned loudly, snapping his fingers at Arthur.

Arthur was jolted out of his thoughts. He sighed. “I didn't. Sorry, man. What were you saying?“

“I'll be damned if I repeat everything.“

“I'm sorry.“ Arthur knew he owed that to Richard for always being the victim whenever he tunes out, which he did, alot.

“You wanna tell me what happened this morning...“ Richard had him in place with his eyes which held all seriousness. “...at the coffee shop?“

Arthur nodded. As much as Richard needed to hear it all, he also needed to talk to someone. Maybe that'll help clear his head. Refrain his heart from caving into the pains that dwelt within.

“I thought I saw Stacie.“ Arthur felt the tears well up in his eyes. Discussing Stacie was something he barely did. He always ended up in tears, like now.

Richard arched a brow. “Stacie? The girl you met in Spain?“ He'd heard Arthur say her name on some occasions. One time he dared to ask who she was, Arthur had said she had taken care of him when he was blind. Richard knew there was more to it. But he didn't press forward. Not when a drop of tears had rolled down Arthur's eyes.

“Yeah. She was my caretaker and the only girl I ever loved.“ Down the tears went again.

Richard hated seeing Arthur this broken. Though he'd realized that Arthur's funny side was just a front. He'll always choose it over this pathetic side of him.

“Arthur. Let's not talk about it... “

“No. I want to. I feel like I'm gonna explode if I don't let it out. The pains are weighing me down. I gotta let them all out.“

“Alright.“ Richard flung a wad of dollar notes to the cab driver. “I hope this is enough to buy your silence.“ The driver nodded ecstatically. To Arthur, he said, “Tell me everything. From the beginning.“

Arthur gave a rueful smile. The beginning. His beginning with Stacie was a memory he rarely visited. He'd locked it deep down the basement of his heart. Away from the painful toxic memories of how they ended. He wanted the memories of how they began to remain untainted. Pure. Magical.

“Arthur...“

“It started...magically. Like gravity had pulled us in. Our heartbeats were synched. Our thoughts aligned. Like we were fated to be each other's other half.“

Arthur Belmont had survived the foggy morning, gruesome accident that claimed the lives of his parents at the age of 10. He was the only survivor. But it was at a price. His sight was gone. 

Orphaned and blinded on the same day, Arthur Belmont knew his life would never go back as it was. His perfect life was gone. 

Memories of that tragic morning haunted his nights. His dreams became nightmares. He was a traumatized, blind kid.

Every night, he yelled for his parents, begging them to come take him. This new life wasn't something he could go through. He was young. Blind. Alone.

He was furious at the universe for treating him so inhumanly. He cursed at the heavens for giving him so much sorrow at such a young age. 

He could not be comforted. His misery was ripping him apart. It grew worse with each day he was faced with the reality that his parents were gone. That he was blind. That his happiness was gone. Forever.

At age 15, his uncle, Chad Belmont, made the necessary preparations and flew him off to Spain. Away from everything.

“And there you met Stacie?“ 

“Yeah. Years later. Uncle Chad got her to take care of me. I still remember the first time I heard her voice. My heart leaped. Came alive. Arose from the ashes of misery. I was blind but she never made me feel like it. She treated me like I deserved all the love in the world.“

To Arthur, Stacie remains the only person who made him feel like he still had a reason to live.

She made him let go of his resentments. Of his anger. Of his pains. With just the sound of her voice, he was willing to let it go.

Stacie gave him a better perspective on life. She taught him how to be happy. And most importantly, she taught him how to love. Every day, she whispered into his ears just how much she loved him. Every night, he laid on her laps and she sang him to sleep. For two years, he'd basked in the warmth of her love. She'd filled him with so much love. Stayed by his side. Chased off the pains that harbored within.

“I figured I owed her a lot. She'd transformed me with her love. I wanted to do something significant for her. So I decided to undergo the surgery.“

“Wait, that was for her?“

“That, and every other decision I made afterward were all for her. Stacie became the point my life orbits.“ Arthur sobbed back his tears. “The doctor said I had a slim chance of survival. But it was a risk I was more than willing to take. Stacie was worth it.“

The night to the day of the surgery, Arthur gifted her a necklace. He'd asked for it to be made. Emerald, adorned with gems. With her name crafted on it.

In his blind state, he could not vow the necklace was exactly how he wanted it to be. But he could vow that she loved it. She'd cried in happiness, telling him over and over again just how pretty it looked.

'I want you to be beside me tomorrow when I regain my sight. I want you to be the first person I'll see when I regain my sight. Promise me you'll be there.' Arthur had pleaded on his knees, adorning the back of her hands with kisses.

“And she promised me she would be there. Like a fool, I held on tightly to that promise. It broke me beyond repair when I regained my sight and Stacie wasn't anywhere close.“

“Where did she go?“ Richard asked.

“I don't know. Where she'd gone. Why she left. If her feelings for me were real or just superficial. All these are questions I don't have an answer to.“

“Did you try to look for her?“

“Yeah. I hired a private investigator but he could not do much. I wasn't sure what she looked like. He had no idea of who he was supposed to find.“

“But Mr. Chad knew her. Why didn't he help you find her?“

“He did search for her. But he said she already fled the country and erased all traces of her. That left me completely shattered.“

“So you stopped searching?“

“That's the problem, man.“ Arthur chuckled sadly, running a hand through his hair. “I never stopped. But I'm getting tired. For over a year, I've been running through doors. Chasing after voices that reverberated like hers. Like a lovestruck bastard, I sniff around for anything that might lead me to her. I'm tired of doing that. I wanna stop making a fool out of myself. I wanna be happy, even without Stacie.“

Richard could not believe it but it was happening. He was crying, something he hadn't done ever. But how could he not cry, after listening to such a tragic, love story? But God, he wasn't a romantic like Arthur. But right now, he could say he understood just how Arthur felt.

Once again, he was convinced that falling in love was like having a death wish. Completely surrendering your whole being to someone and hoping they don't break you. Richard shuddered.  Definitely not something he'll ever do. Not in this lifetime.

“I'm sorry, man. For everything. But if you ever get to see her again, what are you gonna do?“

Arthur looked out the window again. The car had come to a halt. A few blocks away was the nightclub. He turned back to Richard with a sad smile. “I'll hold onto her and never let go. That's how much I still love her.

They arrived at the nightclub minutes later, cloaking their melancholic mood with a slice of ecstasy.

Richard felt a surge of excitement, as he moved his body to the rhythm of the beat that reverberated in the building.

He tapped Arthur's shoulder in laughter,“Man, it's good to be home.“

Arthur puffed and chuckled at his silliness. “Make yourself at home then.“

“I plan on. Hey, man, just to be sure. When I'm off, conquering the frail hearts of these ladies, what would you be doing?“

"Having a drink at the bar."

Richard brows creased. “Is there some sort of an oversight here? We're here to get rid of the gay brand, not brood over a few drinks.“

“Go do your thing. I can't bring myself to smile at that gender. You can say tonight's one of those nights the pain grips me harder.“

Richard nodded. Hesitated. Nodded again, and patted his elbow. "Do your thing." Disappearing into the crowd, Arthur was left standing alone.

He went to take a seat at the bar, ordered a bottle of whiskey and a shot glass. Tonight, he was gonna get wasted if that was the only way he could be free from the ghosts of Stacie. From the memories of her.

Six shots of whiskey and Arthur knew he had a long way to go. The thoughts of her still hovered in his heart. And her voice infiltrated his ears. He was going insane, struggling to get it out. But it increased, got so loud he spun around.

Two strippers were engaged in a chit chat, laughing their heads off as they walked past. With the incredible loudness of the beat, Arthur wondered how he could vividly hear them. But he did, and he stood, gawking at the reality staring back in front of him. One of the strippers owned that voice. The one that haunted his thoughts and dreams. The one he'd run through doors to find. Tears rolled down his eyes.

“Stacie?“