Chapter 5: Sariah: The First Crack

The final buzzer blares throughout the indoor arena and I gather and collect all my things. The application I looked over, feeling sorry for myself. And the homework that I didn’t complete. 

Because I was too fixated on Brock. Too angry that I’ve always been right in front of his face and he’s never even given me a second glance. 

Not the way he just gave to those girls. 

I got quiet after that. Ellis asking me multiple times ‘what’s wrong?’ But I couldn’t tell him. I can’t tell anyone how I really feel about Brock. Especially now that we are both promised to someone else. 

Three more weeks, I remind myself.

“Come on,” Ellis says, taking me out of my spiraling thoughts. “There’s an after party. Everyone’s going.”

Ellis lightly grabs my shoulder but I nudge him off. “Everyone except me.” I say, dryly. “I don’t go to those. And besides,” I continue. “I wasn’t invited.” 

“I’m inviting you now.” Ellis says, ignoring everything else that just came out of my mouth. He grabs my backpack from my shoulder and slings it over his and starts walking away. I don’t follow him.

“I’m not taking no for an answer.” He says, winking.

I can’t help it but a smile forms on my lips and I’m too distracted by his cute boyish grin to compose myself. I’ve never really had a conversation with Ellis, like- ever. But it wasn’t as terrible as I would have imagined.

I reluctantly follow him out of the arena, into the common area and through to the parking lot, my backpack still hanging off his right shoulder.

I turn back toward the building, hoping to see Brock and feeling disappointed when I don’t. I pull out my phone, anticipating a text. He always texts me after his games. Immediately after. Always and without fail.

My shoulders sag and the self-pity threatens to come wallowing in. I guess I’m not a priority to him. And maybe I never was. 

Ellis pulls a set of car keys out of his back pocket, clicks the remote battery and a silver BMW’s back parking lights illuminate. He throws my backpack into the backseat of his car “Oh, um…” I say, not really sure what words I was even going to verbalize.

He eyes me. “You don’t even know where the party is. Get in.” I mean he’s right. But I also didn’t really want to go to this party to begin with.

Feeling like I don’t have a choice, I walk slowly to the passenger side door, looking back toward the front of the arena one last time before getting in and shutting the door. Ellis grabs the knob for the heat and cranks it all the way up, rubbing his hands together for friction.

My gloves are still in Brock’s car so I stuff my hands in my front pocket and grind my teeth together so I don’t chatter. “I should have started the damn car sooner.” Ellis says, bouncing his legs up and down.

“Well aren’t you being a baby,” I say, playfully knowing damn well I’m freezing half to death, too.

He glares at me and the look makes my heart sink before his gaze turns into another crooked smile.

That smile.

It’s different from Brock’s smile.

But one I don’t mind looking at.

I look down at my phone noticing there’s still no text from Brock. Maybe I should send him a quick message just to see if he’s okay. It’s really out of character for him to not have sent me at least a ‘hey’ at this point. 

My fingers are shaking and heavy as I tap the buttons on my device. “Hey!” I text. “Great game tonight!” 

I press send and stare at my phone waiting impatiently to see the three grey little dots on the bottom left hand of the screen. But they don’t come. Brock always texts me back quickly. So fast most times it’s as if he already had his phone in his hand.

The heat starts blasting in the car and Ellis puts the gear in reverse and backs out of the parking space.

“So, who’s party are we going to and please don’t say Danika’s.” Danika is always hosting parties. To think she would have one after the last game of the season wouldn’t be too far fetched.

My stomach sinks as it takes Ellis longer to respond than what I would have liked. I whip my head in his direction, “no.” I say. “No, I’m not going to her house!”

Ellis’s stoic face breaks into a fit of laughter and I punch him in the arm. “Are you joking?” I say, not used to being this playful with anyone except Brock.

“I’m joking.” He says, rubbing the spot I hit him.

My shoulders relax.

A faint vibration catches my attention and I flip my phone over hoping it’s a message from Brock.

It is.

Hey, thanks! I’m super tired tonight Ri. Just going to stay in. It reads and suddenly I feel guilty for going to this party with Ellis. The sour feeling in my stomach doesn’t subside even as we pull into the driveway of someone’s mansion.

“Are we the first ones here?” I wonder why there’s hardly any other cars parked in the driveway. I’ve never been invited to an after party but I expected more than this.

Ellis puts the car in park and unlatches his seatbelt. “Nah, this is my house. I tuck my little sister into bed every night.” He says, and I can’t tell if he’s joking.

Ellis gets back in the car moments later wearing a completely different outfit- jeans, a plain black t-shirt and it never occurred to me how handsome he is.

Probably because I’ve never dreamed of looking at him or anyone else in that way for so long. If ever.

“Were you really tucking your little sister in?” I ask, not knowing if he was being serious or not and the suspense killing me.

He smirks, buckling his seatbelt. “Yeah. Why the fuck would I lie about that?” He laughs.

“Good point.” I say. “Well that’s sweet.” I add a touch of sarcasm to my tone that awards me a glare from the driver’s seat.

He shrugs his shoulders and turns up the radio. Whoever’s house we are arriving at isn’t far and after only a few songs we pull onto the side of someone’s yard. This is definitely where the afterparty is- there’s over twenty vehicles in the driveway and lining the side of the lawn. My anxiety threatens to take over. I’m out of my element and I don’t even have Brock with me to help calm the nerves.

Ellis doesn’t calm me the way Brock does. He ignites excitement and curiosity.

I hesitantly open the passenger side door, already knowing that I don’t fit in with this party crowd. Ellis gives me a curious look, probably wondering what is taking me so long to get out of the car.

“God, you move slow.” He says, walking toward me with his arm out. “You know the only reason people think you don’t fit in is because they’re feeding off your energy.” He grabs my arm and forces it to interlock through his elbow.

I smirk, not believing him. “I don’t fit in because I lack the very thing every other person in this entire village has.”

“No one would give a shit about that if you gained some confidence.” His words sting but he doesn’t say it rudely. Just brutally honest.

I nod in response, not sure what else to really say.

We approach the front door and Ellis opens it without knocking, letting me walk in front of him. It feels uncomfortable on so many different levels- walking in front of Ellis and walking through the front door with him at all.

He places his hand on the small of my back and I don’t move away from his touch- it’s the only thing grounding me to the floor at this moment.

The living room is full of people. There may only be about twenty cars in the driveway but there’s well over 50 people in this house. The music is thumping loudly and people bump into me in both directions going from room to room. I’m way out of my element. I don’t go to parties. I don’t even get invited to parties. I stay at home and play board games with my parents, or study.

“I’m going to grab us a drink.” Ellis says and I don’t want to beg him to stay with me. I don’t want him to feel like he has to babysit. So, I nod in his direction and look for a space with significantly less occupancy.

There’s a spot in the corner of the living room that no one seems to be standing in and I push my way through the crowd of people solidifying my spot.

Ellis catches my eye on his return and I watch as he maneuvers his way through the crowd of people toward me with two drinks in his hand. I smile shyly for a moment until someone else catches my eye, too.

Brock.

Walking hand and hand up the stairs, Danika leading the way.