Dating Miss Amateur

I sometimes wonder if being lucky isn’t part of my character or I just didn’t deserve to be acknowledge with those dreams I wanted in life. There’s this dream that I even want to achieve after I’d be turning to eighteen. And that is to make myself proud for taking good care for the responsibility as a daughter of our household. But then, I’m always ended up a failure. I got to be diagnosed with an illness, and have to visit the doctor weekly to his office.

I just envy those people who make their success at young age. Imagine to see yourself in the newspaper and saw your face globally while holding your awards and trophies of hardship. But no one knows, only the burden was the kind of thing I always carry while watching my favorite TV shows with a millionaire artists and celebrity. Calmly sitting, sipping their coffees and confidently saying what thoughts run through their mind. And I also wanted to speak mine as well. That even at my broad country would know how misery weigh much pounds to me that merely produces a trouble and uneasiness.

One day, I tried find some available earning websites while scrolling to my phone screen and surf to searching tab. I made a lot of inquiries to random people via Wazup app, to contact them for what job I may able to work on while at home. I have to find a way to make things possible, for if there’s a will then there’s a way. I always thought about that, and believes in my capacity even I’m just an average person.

I was stuck staring outside the window, as I realized that I was caught by the dawn. The nightfall began again as I just tap my last reply to the person I talked online. And, later on the message pop out replying that, “There are no vacancies for you, ma’am. We’re sorry.” Then, there I did not even got a chance to reach the final slot. Am I unlucky this time?

Usually, I walk downstairs with a poker expression across my face. I feel so hopeless that I couldn’t even dare to appreciate the Donut that my parents had brought from their way home. I just make a sudden peck to their cheeks and head to the sink to wash grain of rice. “What are you up to, Honey? I tried to contact you, but you seem to decline my calls, huh.” My mother uttered it, and yes. I am really guilty about it. It’s just I wanted to focus with finding a job earlier. But then, I just failed countless times.

“So, how’s your entrance examination that morning? Was that difficult?” Father asked with a grin to his face as he was hanging his coat to the hook on the wall. “I’ve seen Camila entering the University also. So, I assume she’s going to study there too?” I don’t know why the topic automatically shifted to Camila’s state. Camila’s a working student while staying in Ngarap University during her senior high school years.

“She’ll be taking Criminology, pa. And that course is not even available there. I just made a call with her,” I said while I’m rubbing the pot underneath it and around itself to put it already to the rice cooker. See the type of this livelihood, for instead I have to make things less for the bill and use woods for cooking. Then, the check meter wouldn’t just worry to whirl over and over again.

“Really? You just told us that she’s going to apply for scholarship? Wasn’t that her thing? I could never imagine herself wearing a boy cut to her head,” said papa while slightly laughing. “Her mother’s already unemployed?” He asked again.

My father’s making a lot of questions about this Rovis’ family. Camila was my best friend when we’re just in high school. And I didn’t make a chance to meet her personally after we part our ways when we’re studying senior years. “Pa, I don’t want to enroll to that school—”

My mother argue and knitted her brows. She angrily interfered my words saying, “Gotta think about expenses and fees again? Remember, I just need you to study smart and hard. You must paid our financial support for you. For you have to take a stand for yourself, proving that you and we can.”

That was inspiring and I couldn’t avoid feeling the special treat. But seeing my parents getting a lot of complains about their physical pain and by seeing their facial expressions getting unwell and usually weary. It makes me feel that I am lost again, that I could estimate the duration of it.

“Just do your best and get away from those temptations till you graduated in college. That’ll be our great trophy. And I acknowledge it for you to deserve having the place with support. . .with us,” said Mother while making a tight hug to me and tried lift the corner of her mouth to appear a smile.

Shouldn’t I just worry myself for financial? I can’t even make a scholarship well done for I am also bad with grades. I got low remarks with academics and my parents wouldn’t even let me to do the part as a working student. For I might choose to take the job instead focusing to my studies. Being a college is difficult, and yes, my opponent was the financial. It’s hard to overcome at midst of scarcity.

The other day, I entered the school again and directly head to office. I saw few of freshman as well who wear expensive dresses and stylists mode to their own outfits. They really match all the colors, and have a simple yet attractive physique combination. They just paved the way with their stunning gesture and luxurious screaming presence. That even this woman, Annette Zales, only wear ordinary shirts, trousers and shoes.

“Are you new here?” As I turned around, this handsome face was almost touching my nose with his too much closure. I accidentally hit the girl behind me and made an apology. “Jeez, sorry. It’s not my intention to get in close contact with your face,” he said as he was now standing straight. And here he comes with fitted jeans, sneakers on, B&W shirt with a collar and a G-clock around his wrist. He makes it more intimidating and scarier to me.

“Yes,” I stammered and heaved a sigh while make a clear in my throat then continue to speak saying, “I just have to get my test result. And, I doubt where should I go ahead—”

He trailed her and motion his hands to left corner. “This way, miss.” I could feel how my heart’s throbbing so fast, that I could even forget all those worry and doubts in my head. The moment I just saw his face, the world starts to stop just desperately dreaming to make a stare for an hour to his flawless mien.

I already made a pace when the guy behind me was following my direction as well. I don’t need to assume such things, for I am just an amateur in this school and raised in public school. So, it’ll be a pressure for me as well to feel his presence around me, probably making a glances often that I can’t just tolerate for awhile.

I glance to him and saw how he just made a focus to his IPhone. And that makes me to feel awkward. I was about to say a thing, but then he just suddenly opened a topic. “Where did you graduated?”

I smile timidly and forced an awkward smile. “In National Western, just a public school the next building from here,” I reply while making a few hand gestures to calm myself getting nervous by his presence. I’m totally in doom and out of his wealth. He’s totally born with a golden spoon in his mouth and had the most relieving livelihood, even with the mansion and cars I could picture out. His image is truly part of my obsession—the dreams I once ambition this time. And I couldn’t help it.

“I just finished mine here. Since I was in primary school,” he said while slowly packing his ear with those air pads. See that persona, he could make it more attractive. By hearing his voice, that was tame and unbelievably a piece of music artist.

“Catch us later. I gotta go here. Break a leg,” he added as I just nod my head. Getting mum already with his amazing feature. That makes me eagerly dream to be a designer. Even, it costs too much. I want to see my effort and wear the dresses I dream to wear in the future. Will it happen?

As I finally reached the destination. I just received a call after claiming my papers in office. It’s just an unknown number, thus I made a slide touch to answer button and ask, “Hello?”

“Hi. Can we meet?”