Chapter 099

KATERINA

My grip on the tray tightened even more when I heard Luca's words, my knuckles turned white, burning from the pressure. My memories travelled back to four years ago, the night of the incident that led us to where we were at the moment.

I recalled how surprised I was when Lucas showed the message to me. How I tried to convince him that I wasn't the one who sent the message. How I pleaded to him to believe me but…he never wanted to listen to anything that I said. I recalled the chilling look in those blue eyes. How he gazed at me as if I was the worst creature that had ever existed.

I recalled his words, painful and sharp, piercing my heart like shards of ice, leaving it heavy and numb. I bit the insides of my cheeks till I tasted iron in my mouth, blood.

The corner of my lips curved into a smile, bitter, that barely reached my eyes, way too far.

“I see it took you long enough to realise that I was saying the truth.” I laughed.

No! It wasn't funny.

I was trying to release my anger through laughter because I was afraid that if I contained it, I would explode and that wouldn't be good at all. I was afraid of my own anger. The anger that I have been harbouring deep in my soul for four fucking years!

Lucas was quiet, guilty eating him up.

“I wonder. Did you ever believe me? You always believed Monalisa. I wasn't expecting much from you that night.” He looked away when he heard my words because it was damn true, stabbing him right where it was supposed to.

“You always fell for her tears and her convincing sweet sick smile. It's such a shame you're realising it now.” I laughed again, all those moments flooding in my head. I wished I could get a hold of the switch in my mind so that I could turn off the memories.

“It has been four years. Don't you think it's too late for the apology?” I asked with an arched eyebrow, the corner of my lips curving into a smile.

He swallowed, speechless. He tried to open his mouth to say something but ended up saying nothing.

“I thought so too. If you may excuse me.” I turned around in a swift movement and headed straight to the door, never looking back. I didn't want to see his face at the moment because it reminded me of pain.

When I entered the kitchen, I placed the tray on the kitchen counter, a deep groan escaping my lips. A groan of pain. I felt as though oxygen was cut off and I was fighting for my dear life.

I needed some fresh air. I needed to breathe. Another groan tore from my lips, clenching my hands into tight balls, my nails digging in my palms but that was nothing compared to how I was feeling deep down.

“Katerina?” I was startled when a gentle voice cut through the air, worried. I turned around, my vision blurry. However, I saw the concerned look on her face.

“How mother?” I asked through gritted teeth, tears streaming down my cheeks. The tears that I have been holding for years. I wanted to act strong. I swear I was trying my very best. However, I just couldn't at the moment. It was too much. Overwhelming, suffocating the hell out of me.

Paula frowned when she heard my words, unable to wrap her head around what I was talking about.

“How does he expect me to get over it by a simple apology? He chose to believe her over me even though I never lied to him! He always did! I tried to explain to him that I was saying nothing but the truth. I tried to plead with him but he never listened to me.” I wiped tears from my eyes using the back of my hand.

“I can't…mother. It's hard for me to get over it. I’m trying for the triplets but I just can't. It still hurts. It hurts so bad.” I choked out the words, clutching my heart as though doing so would relieve the pain.

“Is it wrong to feel this way after four years? I have been keeping this feeling buried deep in my heart but I can't anymore. I’m trying.”My shoulders clumped, my head bowed.

She held my shoulders, giving them a gentle squeeze. I’m grateful that the twins weren't around because I wouldn't want them to see me this hurt and broken. I wanted to appear strong around them. I wanted them to know that their mom was strong, a superwoman who is able to solve everything like I have always done.

“Look at me dear.” Paula said in a gentle, coaxing voice and I couldn't help but raise my head to look at her, tears running down my face, my heart aching.

“It's okay to feel the way you're feeling dear. You're feeling that way because you have been keeping the feelings buried for the past four years. You didn't give yourself enough time to feel it. You kept it suppressed for way too long. You ignored it.” She paused, heaved a deep sigh as though she had been giving a speech for an hour.

It was heavy on her, I could see it through her eyes.

“That's what happens when you ignore something. When it finally catches up with you, it hurts so much. Your feelings are valid. Allow yourself to feel. That's the only way that will help you heal although…it takes time.” A whimper escaped my lips, her words like a punch right in my guts.

She planted a kiss on my forehead then pulled me into a tight embrace and soft sobs escaped my lips…

__________

LUCAS

I stared at the door blankly where Katerina had disappeared to not long ago. I swallowed when I recalled the pain in her eyes, the raw emotion. Even though she was putting on a smile, I could see the struggle through those brown hazel eyes.

She was right. It took me too long to realise that Monalisa was telling a lie. It took me four fucking years to find out the truth. Four years of my life which I would never get back. Four years that I have been away from my girl and the boys.

Instead, I was taking care of someone else's son.

Four years of missing out in Bella's life as she had been struggling with her health. When Katerina informed me about her health. I felt my heart stop. I couldn't imagine that Bella has been going through so much at such a young age. As his father, I was supposed to be there for her. To assure her that it would be fine.

Guilt and shame washed over me when I gave it a thought. Perhaps if I had listened to Katerina that night, this wouldn't have happened. Maybe things would be better. A Lot better than they are…

I shifted on the bed uncomfortably, a deep sigh escaping my lips. Sleep away from my eyes. How was I supposed to fix something that has been damaged for over four years? I couldn't help it but thought, my head throbbing. I didn't know how or where to start. I don't know how I was going to.

However I would try…

_________

I don't know what was happening to me. I could feel something, if not someone, touching my forehead with something cold and I couldn't comprehend what was happening to me. I creased my eyebrows, trying to regain my consciousness. Slowly, I open my eyes and I was speechless.

It was Arabella, she was holding a face towel in her tiny hands, pressing it on my forehead, acting as a cold compressor or something. It was already morning and the lights were seeping through the curtains. I couldn't remember how I drifted into sleep because I spent a couple of hours wrecking my brain when Katerina left the room.

Perhaps my mind succumbed in exhaustion.

“Did I wake you up? I’m sorry. I was wiping the sweat off your forehead.” She said in an innocent, cute little voice, pouting and she looked so beautiful. I couldn't help but smile at her innocence.

So pure.

“That's what mommy does when I’m sick and sweating. I told mommy that I’ll help her take good care of you.” She added, stretching and continued to wipe sweat from my forehead.

The doctor told me that the drugs he had prescribed to me was a heavy dose and it had some side effects. One of them was sweating.

I held Arabella’s hand as she continued to wipe the sweat off my forehead with the cold towel. I should say that Katerina taught the triplets well. Arabella creased her eyebrows in confusion when I got a hold of her little hand, I brought it to my mouth and planted a kiss on it and she smiled, her blue eyes sparkling.

She shouldn't be taking care of me, it should be the other way. I should be the one taking care of her. The mere thought of it made me feel more guilty.

“Thank you so much for taking care of Uncle Lucas.” I said with a big smile and she blinked, smiling back.

“Uncle Lucas is feeling a lot better after taking care of him and mommy was right, we should take care of people when they're sick. You're a good girl because you have been listening to your mommy.” I stretched my hand, brushing her cheeks and she subconsciously leaned forward.

Slowly, I grabbed the towel and placed it on the bowl of cold water.

“Uncle Lucas says thank you.” She smiled upon hearing my words, happy and it warmed up my heart.

“Will you like to come lay down with uncle Lucas? It's way too cold and early. It's a little warm here.” I joked, opening the cover and patting the space close to me. She blinked, staring at the empty space then looked at me and nodded.

Hesitantly, she crawled to my sides and curled into a ball. I stared at her and she flashed me a small smile. Slowly, I reached for my little girl, pulling her into my arms. Pain sliced through my ribs and chest in the process but I ignored it. Pulling her impossibly closer than she could ever be.

She was a little bit stiff, “ Don't worry, uncle Lucas doesn't bite.” I teased, saying the words as though it was some sort of song. She giggled against my chest, relaxing in my arms.

I leaned slightly, planting a gentle kiss on her hair. It felt so good to hold her in my hands, natural. I didn't want to let go, ever. My grip tightened her a little when I recalled the conversation that I shared with Katerina about Bella's health. I wanted to protect her from everything, anyone who wanted to harm her.

It was quiet for a while inside the room. A comfortable silence that I enjoyed the most,just me and Bella cuddling, her tiny body against my chest as I listened to her breathing.

“Is everything okay? Are you okay? Do you feel any pain anywhere?” I inquired after being silent for a while. I wanted to know if she was feeling any discomfort so that we could act on it.

She shook her little head, “I’m feeling better. Mommy checked my temperature and said that I’m doing fine. She also gave me the medicine.” She explained innocently.

“That's good. I want you to know that uncle Lucas is here, he’ll help mommy to take good care of you. If you feel any pain or anything, don't hesitate to tell uncle Lucas, okay?” I asked, looking down at her and she nodded with a big smile on her face.

I was glad that she was doing well. I wanted Bella to know that…she could count on me. I know too well she wasn't all comfortable with me because we were still new to each other, however, I wanted her to know that it didn't matter that much.

“Uncle Lucas…” Arabella called after being quiet for a while.

“Yes? Is there something that I can help you with? Do you feel any discomfort?” I asked almost immediately, tensed.

“I’m fine.” She said, releasing a small breath.

“O-okay,” I said hesitantly, “What is it that you want to tell me? Uncle Lucas wants to hear it.” I said, excited to hear about everything that she wanted to say. I could tell that she wanted to tell me something but she was hesitant about it.

“Why do you have eyes like mine? And hair?”