The trauma beneath

Clyde's POV

I'm not standing down. My lips lock with hers while I'm trying to unbuckle my belt. My fingers slip into her wet cunt, feeling the warmth as well. I let out a low growl, as my fingers dig deeper, stroking and playing with her clit.

She moans in my ear, making my body twitch with need, and I'm this close to taking her to bed and fucking her with the way she's moaning in my ears. I attempt to dip my hard-on into her and that's when she pushes me away from her.

I stare blankly at her, putting away my throbbing, twitching dick, my eyes filled with desire to have her to myself. Not only that, but I mean, I don't know what came over me; I just needed to make her feel special to me. Plus, she earned me an ally to help destroy Francisco and his family.

I just wanted to thank her and show her how important she is to me.

Her eyes are brimming with questions, yet something desirable and unspoken lies somewhere.

She hugs herself, slowly averting her gaze from me like I'm a monster.

Fuck it. That was a very wrong way to approach a woman, going head-on into sex without actually talking about it.

“Raven, are you okay?” I ask, my tone soft as I draw closer to her with unhurried steps.

She swallows hard, moving backward, and I just halt my steps not to scare her more than I already have.

“I… I don't think we should do anything, sir!” She says, and seriously, she thinks very smartly.Again, my move was wrong.

My fingers run over my eyes and hair and back down. Worry etched across my face.

“I understand,” I simply say to her. “Can I come closer?” I ask her as she hesitates before nodding lightly. I take my chances, moving towards her as I wrap my arms around her.

All I want is to make her feel safe, nothing else. Not even the sex anymore.

We stay like that in that position for two minutes before she gently pulls away, this time, more relaxed than she had been.

Fuck. I did scare her.

“Wanna talk about it?” I ask calmly. I mean, I would love to hear what happened and how I scared her. I have the time tonight, before the new day unfolds.

“I, um… do you not have work by morning?” She asks innocently, and I shake my head lightly.

“I won't be working early; Dom has got everything under control,” I explain, my gaze softening even more. We both sit on the couch as I pour myself some whiskey. When I offer her some, she simply declines with a warm smile.

A smile I'm familiar with, one that resonates with me and calms my storm. She's a gem, a fragile gem at that. More reasons why I have to protect her, even if it means putting my life on the line for her.

While I sip from the potent content, my eyes dart to her. She's fiddling with her fingers shyly, probably wondering why I have to sit here with her—in her room.

“Tell me, how did you convince Vittorio about me? That man bloody hates me and what I stand for,” I admit, the flashes of our conversation hanging over me threateningly.

She rubs her neck, her boob clasping slightly and forming a perfect cup size. Perky and round.

“I—I um… I didn't do much. I only told him that you wanted to talk business with him; I did all you asked me to. That's all…” she explains.

I know that she did all that, and I'm not doubting her; she's a natural, and anyone with a good heart would always see how innocent she is without thinking twice. She's got good charms, and that makes me more crazy about her.

I take another sip, placing a hand on her bare thigh. She stares at me cautiously, her lips parting gently as I take my hand off.

“Thank you for everything, Raven; you're heaven-sent.” I admit to her as she shoots me a faint smile.

Fuck. Everything I do makes her feel nervous or… uncomfortable.

What's really happening?

The more I try, the more she lays back, and I'm getting frustrated by it. Is it because I made her a place to find peace ? I wonder again, and I neck down the content swiftly, looking away from her.

Again, silence hangs, and I feel like a coward that I can't hold a conversation with her either.

“Did Dom tell you about your free day?” I ask, and that's when she relaxes a little, a smile crawling up her lips.

“Yeah, he said that I could video call my mom. Thank you, sir!” She says, and I smile weakly at her.

Her lips captivate me, her actions, and her unspoken demand all linger on her, but how do I stop scaring her away from me? What have I done to myself?I put down my glass, and I move closer to her. She adjusts in her spot, and I'm just confused.

“Okay, Raven, what exactly is the matter? Did I do something that scared you?” I ask, impatient to keep pretending.

She shakes her, and I see tears hanging in her eyes.

That's the height of it; I can't watch her shed a tear, especially if I'm the cause.

“I don't know, sir, I got triggered…” she starts to say, and I'm speechless. What's her trigger? Fuck, I didn't know she had one.

My brows crumple confused, needing more explanation as I take her hands in mine carefully.

“Go on, I'm listening. Tell me what triggers you,” I ask, tucking her hair behind her ear.

First, she takes a moment to rethink, but her tears betray her. Her lids fluttering regretfully before she continues...“Sex,”

“What?” I let out my thought, muddled. “How do you mean… sex triggers you? Did… did something happen?” I ask and she retracts her hand from my hold and covers her mouth, sobbing into her palms.

I say nothing but strike her back gently, hoping that she would say more.

She takes off her hand and wipes her tears with it.

“I got raped months ago, before I got hired in your company. I don't know who's responsible or what he looks like, but I can't shake off the memory. That's…” he pauses and continues. “That's why I can't have sex,” she says, her soggy eyes meeting mine. Instantly, my heart starts to beat ferociously against my ribcage.

I stay speechless for a while. I don't know what to say to her because I'm just so worried and troubled at the same time. Something that's not nice resonates in me, my feelings spiraling like a turbulent scene.

“Sir, I'm sorry. I didn't have to say all that to you…” she says to me, her voice shaky and I just embrace her instead.

It is what I should have done right from the very start after she told me, but I stood here chickening out, my thoughts all over the place.

Fucking hell, what are my thoughts? I ask myself.

“I'm so sorry to hear this, Raven. Whoever did that to you is a monster; I'll find him, and I'll kill him,” I vow to her with a firm resolve, as she nods.

At that moment, I start to think deeper than I have ever had to. Mentioning the word ‘monster,’ am I not twice as much a monster?