"Mommy, I want this!"
I automatically shifted my gaze toward my son. Shawn was showing me the chocolate bar in his hand that had his favorite cartoon character as a wrapper.
We are currently in the grocery and just happened to pass by the sweets section. I didn't notice that he stopped and picked up a chocolate.
"Mommy, buy this for me, please?" Shawn said again, pouting his lips and tactically using his puppy eyes to persuade me.
"Shawn," I crouched down so I could look at him eye to eye.
Smart parenting suggests to always look at your child's eye whenever you are talking to him. That way, he would feel that his feelings matter.
"What did I tell you about eating too much chocolate?" I asked gently.
"Not good," his shoulders dropped, accepting defeat.
"Then return it. You haven't finished eating Aunt Aimee's gift to you, right?"
"Okay, mommy," he agreed sadly and returned the chocolate where he got it.
I am not being frugal. I just didn't want to allow Shawn to eat too much sweets as I'm taking good care of his health. I read somewhere that even young kids could suffer from diabetes. And I am not going to let that happen to Shawn.
But I see to it that my son understands whatever I am withholding from him. Fortunately, Shawn was a good kid. He never insisted once I already said no to a particular thing.
Shawn was my only family. So, I would do everything in my capacity to protect my child and keep him healthy.
"Done, Mommy!" Shawn returned to my side.
I held his hand while pushing the shopping cart with my other free hand. I asked him to just ride in the cart so I could watch him properly. But my son refused. He said that he's already a big boy.
"You're already sleepy. Mommy will just carry you," I said, stopping to carry him when I noticed he was yawning.
"No, if Shawn sleeps, who will guard mommy?" Shawn refused with great determination.
"You got it wrong, baby. It is mommy's duty to take care of Shawn. Come, I'll carry you so you can sleep," I convinced him gently.
"It's Shawn who will take care of mommy," he insisted. "I'm not going to sleep, I'm your bodyguard because I'm a boy!"
I was touched so I did not insist further. At a young age, my son already knew that it was just the two of us. He was protective of me like how protective I am to him.
"Okay, but stay close to mommy, alright?" I fondly patted his head. But suddenly, I felt like I got lost when I looked into his eyes and remembered the man whom Shawn got his pair of blue orbs.
How long had it already been? Five years?
Time passed so quickly. It was already five years ago and yet it felt like it was just yesterday since I last saw that same pair of eyes that was staring back at me now.
I smiled at Shawn before I stood up to continue shopping for our supplies.
How was the man I love doing now? Could he still remember that once, I happened in his life? Would he ever forgive me for my deceit?
I shook my head to push away the memories of the past.
I stopped at a shelf where Shawn's formula milk was displayed. However, I needed to tip toe as the box was at the top. I was able to reach it but without shaking my head at my five foot two inches height. I just hope Shawn would not inherit my height.
I was putting the box in the cart when I noticed that Shawn was not beside me.
"Shawn?" I immediately began to panic as I looked around. "Shawn!"
I walked fast, I ran even as I looked for Shawn in each section of the supermarket. Where did my son go? I swear he was just beside me a while ago!
"Shawn?" I began to cry. I don't care if the other shoppers thought I was crazy. My son's missing! Am I supposed to give a d*mn at how other people think of me?
I am sure that I only removed my eyes at Shawn when I struggled to reach the milk from the display.
"Excuse me, Ma'am," a supermarket staff member approached me. "Is there a problem?"
Crying, I held her both arms. "Miss, my son is missing! Did you see him? He is about this tall, he wears a red shirt and a black shorts," I was shaking as I said that. "Have you seen him? Please, help me find Shawn."
I let go of her and continued my search like I was a mad person shouting my son's name.
"Shawn! Where are you?! Shawn!" Oh God, I would die if I would lose my child!
Shawn was only four years old. How on earth did he manage to be gone in a short span of time? Did someone carry him?
With that thought, my worry doubled. I felt like I was about to lose my wits. Am I a bad mother? How could I lose Shawn?
I continued my search amidst the staff's effort to calm me down. I was already causing panic among the other shoppers. But could they blame a mother who couldn't find her child for acting like that?
I supposed that it was every mother's nightmare to lose her child!
"Ma'am," another supermarket staff member called my attention after a while. "There is a crying little boy who looked lost in the meat section. Could you check if he is your son?"
I calmed myself when I heard that and went with the staff. How did Shawn manage to reach the meat section when we were on the other side of the supermarket?
"There he is, ma'am. That's our Director with him."
My face lit up when I saw my crying Shawn in front of a man who was sitting with his back toward my direction. He looked as if he was talking gently to my son. Beside them were other staff who probably were assisting their boss.
I felt like an invisible hand squeezed my heart at how pitiful Shawn appeared. Am I really unworthy to be called a mother?
"Shawn!" I called my son. He raised his head and when he saw me, he cried and ran towards me.
"Mommy!"
I crouched down and opened my arms to hug him the moment he reached me.
"Mommy!" I could hear the relief in his voice. "I'm sorry, mommy! Did Shawn make you worry? Did Shawn make you cry?" He pulled away and then his small hands dried my tears.
"It's okay, Shawn. Mommy just got so scared that she lost you forever. Why did you leave mommy's side, huh?" I asked between sobs although I already stopped crying. Everything was well now that Shawn was back safely in my arms.
"I saw someone holding a balloon, mommy and I followed them. Sorry, mommy," Shawn explained and apologized. "But a good mister helped me. He asked someone to find you for me."
It was just then that I remembered the man that Shawn was talking to before I came. It was my intention to say my thanks when I looked past Shawn to the man who was already standing in front of us.
"Thank you so much, Mister--" my words got stuck in my throat when our gaze met. I felt like the world suddenly stopped as I stared dumbfounded at the man I never thought I would ever see again.
Those blue eyes that were as deep as the ocean... The last time I saw them, they were filled with so much hate for me.
"So, you're alive, huh?" Although he kept a poker face, his voice bared a mixture of emotions that I couldn't fathom.
But only one thing was in my mind at that time, he shouldn't have seen me! Not together with Shawn!
"S-Sake," my voice came out just a little above whisper as I still couldn't believe that I was staring back at the man whom my world used to revolve.
I swallowed hard as I felt like crying again. Memories of the past flooded my mind. And the pain I thought I already forgot, revived in my chest once more.
"It's been a long time, Jillian..."
As he said that, his face remained void of emotions. But I, on the other hand, couldn't help but release the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes.
My heart ached at the very simple reason that Sake called me with my real name. He still remembered!
Because he called me Jillian and not Julia!
