Chapter 5

I watched the kids tearing around the field, chasing the football like it was the most important thing in the world. Their shouts and laughs filled the air, and something about it warmed me from the inside. Just seeing their huge grins and hearing all that pure joy made me smile without even trying.

“Pass it! Hurry up!” Rees, the little seven-year-old, bossed his teammate.

Phineas kicked the ball over and, in a flash, Rees slammed it into the goal. His whole team exploded into cheers as they won.

“Hey, boys!” I called out, loud enough to carry. All twelve heads whipped around, eyes bright with that kid kind of hope. “I brought gifts! Come on over!” They raced toward me like it was Christmas morning and I couldn’t help laughing. “Okay, line up nice and straight.”

They did it right away. It still surprised me how quickly they listened now. I remembered when I first started volunteering here—these same boys were just toddlers. So much time had passed, and over the years I’d gotten to know every single one of them.

I handed out sandwiches and flavored milkshakes. They dug in like they hadn’t eaten in days. “You like them?”

“Thank you, Elara sister!” they chorused, then bolted back to the field. I let out a breath and sank onto the wooden bench again, turning my gaze to the girls playing on the other side. Hana, Gracie, and Mia were busy with the sand while Ingrid swung back and forth on the old swing set.

“Hey, Hana!” I yelled when I spotted her dumping a handful of sand right into Gracie’s blonde hair. “Stop that!” But it was already done. Gracie hadn’t noticed at first—she was too focused on her sand castle—but the second she heard me she looked up.

She burst into tears the moment she felt the grit in her hair. “Oh no! Why’d you do that?”

Hana just snickered, looking way too pleased with herself. She was always the troublemaker of the bunch.

“You’re mean! I’m not your friend anymore!” Gracie wailed. Hana shrugged it off and wandered over to the seesaw by herself. I sighed. These girls…

“Don’t worry, they’ll make up by dinner,” a gentle voice said behind me. I didn’t even have to turn around to know who it was. “You’re early today,” she added.

Sister Elena settled onto the bench beside me, that warm smile of hers lighting up her whole face. “What, you don’t like me showing up early?” I teased, and she laughed softly.

“You only come early when something’s weighing on you. So tell me—what’s going on?” She studied my face, reading me like she always did. She was right, of course. I showed up early whenever life felt heavy.

I’d gotten the results this morning. Just like I expected, they were positive. I thought I was ready to hear it, but the second I saw the confirmation I broke down and cried.

“You know me too well,” I said, forcing a smile. “I’m okay, really. I just missed everybody here.” It was a lie, and we both knew it, but Sister Elena didn’t push.

“We miss you too. You only make it once a week now.”

“Classes and my shifts at Daphne’s keep me running,” I said with a little shrug. A breeze rustled the crimson and yellow leaves overhead.

Third year of college meant extra classes on top of the job, and I’d already missed more than three shifts. I was lucky Mrs. White hadn’t fired me yet.

Before I could say anything else, a sharp cry cut through the air. We both turned toward the sound. Six-year-old Jordan was on the ground, sobbing.

I hurried over, worried he’d really hurt himself. Sure enough, blood was trickling down his right knee. “Jordan,” I said softly, scooping him up. The other kids crowded around us. “We need to get you to the nurse.”

Half an hour later his knee was cleaned and bandaged, and the tears had stopped. “Get some rest, okay? You’ll be good as new tomorrow.” I ruffled his hair lightly and stepped out of the nurse’s room, pulling the door shut behind me.

“How is he?” Sister Elena asked.

“All better,” I told her.

We wandered down the quiet halls of Star Orphanage. Out of nowhere she said, “You’re going to make a wonderful mother one day, Elara.” I stopped walking cold. The words left a bitter taste in my mouth. She noticed the shadow that crossed my face and looked surprised.

I would’ve loved hearing that before. It would’ve made me happy. But now? With a baby I didn’t plan on keeping? It just made the guilt twist tighter.

“How do you know?” I asked quietly.

She smiled. “Because I do. You’re kind, you care deeply, and you love these kids. When Jordan fell, you felt it right here too.” She tapped her chest. “I don’t need to list reasons—you already are that kind of person.”

“I…” The confession sat right on the tip of my tongue. I almost told her I was pregnant, that I’d already decided on an abortion. Would she still say those words if she knew? I looked away. “Being a mom is a huge responsibility. I’m not ready for it.”

“I’m not saying it’ll happen tomorrow,” she joked lightly. “But someday, when you have your own little one, I know you’ll be the best mother they could ever ask for.”

“Please… don’t say that,” I whispered, my voice thick. The words hit me square in the chest and hurt more than I expected. Sister Elena’s eyes widened with worry when she saw me starting to crack.

“Elara, are you okay? Did I say something wrong?” she asked, alarmed.

“No… I’m just feeling emotional, that’s all.” I wiped my eyes quickly and plastered on a smile that made my cheeks ache. “Anyway, I heard you baked blueberry muffins?”

She chuckled, letting me change the subject. “Yes. Want some?”

“I’d love that.”

—

GREGORY PRIVATE HOSPITAL

I sat on the edge of the hospital bed in that stiff blue gown, fingers twisted together in my lap. This was really happening. Sister Elena’s words from yesterday kept echoing in my head, making my heart feel even heavier.

Dr. Gregory Sutton walked in, holding a few papers. “I’ll be right with you. Just need to sort this out first,” he said, already busy with whatever he was doing. My legs swung nervously off the bed while the knot in my stomach pulled tighter every second. I should’ve brought someone. But who? Nobody knew about the pregnancy.

While I was glancing around the room, my phone started ringing. I checked the screen and my stomach dropped. Mom. Shit. Why now? If I didn’t answer she’d call the dorm and I really didn’t want that. I hadn’t been home in two weeks.

Worst part—she was video calling. I took a deep breath and picked up, trying to angle the phone so she couldn’t see the hospital room. “Hey, Mom.” I kept my voice light.

Her eyes narrowed right away. “Where are you, honey?”

“Library! I’m at the library, Mom,” I lied, whispering like I was trying not to disturb anyone. It didn’t work.

“Nonsense. Why do you look so tense? Elara, are you alright?”

“Yeah, Mom. I’m fine. How’s Dad?”

“He’s good. Now tell me—why are you zooming the camera like that?” She frowned.

I was about to make up something else when Dr. Sutton spoke up, completely unaware my mom had no idea what was happening.

“Alright, Miss Elara Vale. We can start the abortion procedure now.”

“What? Abortion?” Mom’s horrified voice cracked through the speaker. I dropped the phone into my lap, heart hammering. Oh no. This was not how it was supposed to come out. “Elara, what is going on?”

“I gotta go, Mom! Talk later!” I ended the call fast and just sat there for a second, trying to process what had just happened.

“Are you ready, Miss Vale?” Dr. Sutton asked, sounding a little unsure now.

I nodded, pushing thoughts of Mom to the back of my mind. I’d deal with that later.

“Please, come this way,” he said.

God, I was really doing this. Once it was over, all the worry would disappear. Everything could go back to normal. Except… normal didn’t feel like the right word anymore.