Chapter 5: the wedding

“ Am still and silent because if I open my mouth I may never stop screaming”

Franz kafka

I knew the decision that was already made for me was going to change life but I wasn't sure if I should be happy or sad.

In a matter of days Abbu had managed to upgrade his standard of living, he got promoted and he managed to get a new car.

The man that used to beat me almost everyday was almost non-existent. Almost.

I knew my fate was finally sealed when I heard him discussing the details of what would be a small ceremony.

When I dreamt of my wedding I imagined a Cinderella setting, I saw myself in a white ball gown with the man I love waiting by the altar for me .

Life isn't a fairytale, there is not always going to be a happy ending.

Happy endings end in Disney. I know that now.

The wedding took place in our small living room, only my father and his two brothers were present and none from my mother's side.

I was sad about it but I wasn't shocked.

My husband to be had come with a handful of witnesses who seemed to be more acquaintances than family.

Everyone was in high spirits and laughing, especially my father, who smiled ear to ear like he had won a lottery.

While I was kneeling there dressed in my mother's most expensive attire with my eyes shut, not only because I didn't want to see the smug grin on my husband's face but because I couldn't give what I didn't have. Which was the face of a happy bride.

I shut my eyes even tighter to stop the eyes that wanted to fall, I tightened them more to see if I could find the face of mama there telling me it will be fine but I saw nothing.

I knew mama would be rolling in her grave at the sight of this unholy matrimony happening to her 12 years old child .

I opened my eyes to look around to see if I could catch a glimpse of either of my brothers only to see that they had left the house already

I was led out of the house to the even more imposing white Land Rover my new husband had been chauffeured in, almost my entire neighborhood had clamored outside, waiting to catch a glimpse of the spectacle.

The car stood, loud and majestic, like the white elephant it was, an oddity in my lower-middle-class locality.

To make matters worse, in its company were

two glossy black Volkswagen Santana cars, which had eeried his guest.

I guess word had already filtered out about what I considered my unfortunate marriage, and

Everyone wanted to see with their own eyes if what they were hearing was true.

I made eye contact with Miriam, the woman who lived in the flat opposite ours and who had been very friendly with my late mother and

the pain I saw in her eyes almost brought forth my tears again. Almost.

Rather than cry, I maintained eye contact with her for a little longer than I should have, before finally looking away. Where was she when ummi was wasting away to death, or when abbu was

Bullying me? Rather than help us, she had been part of the gossip machinery that had crucified my mother for the decisions she had been forced to make.

Walking out, ordinarily, I would have kept my head bowed, not wanting to meet any of their eyes, but this time I walked with my head held high and my back ramrod straight, putting on an illusion of confidence I certainly didn’t feel.

One minute later, we were on the highway, headed to his house, I guessed.

My husband, who I learned is a politician and I were the only two in the car, saved for the driver.

The other cars in the convoy were riding behind us, and I found myself wishing for their loud banter, or anything that would diffuse the silence in the car. But no. It was just us two; me…and my new husband.

“you are such a pretty child” he said to me after a while, running his knuckle across my

face. “How lucky a man am I!”

I froze at his actions and a chill ran down my spine.

Rather than wallow in his adulation, I turned my face away. I wasn’t quite ready to put on a show, playing the role of a yielding and attentive wife.

Right now, all I wanted was my space. And thankfully, he respected it and didn’t make any more advances.

I stole a few glances at him. The honest truth is that I could have been dealt a far worse hand. The ambassador looked better than many men half his age. And it wasn’t just because of his expensively maintained skin or impeccable grooming. His body was still toned. . The truth is, it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch for me to learn to love him. At least, that way, it would make for a more tolerable life with him.

When I saw that I could bo longer recognize the roads that I was accustomed to my nerves rose to the fore, and I kept thinking we would turn off the major road any minute. But we didn’t, and drove straight through the town,Instead.

Looking back, I realised that the other cars

accompanying us had already branched off.

My fears seemed to have started taking root, what if he was taking me somewhere to kill me? At least it would be better than the life I lived.

“Incase You are wondering where we are headed, we are going to the airport. I don't live in India” he said, looking at his phone and not paying any attention to me.

I was happy and scared at the same time.

This was my first time leaving India and my first time being to an airport.

I have read about places like that, ummi used to travel a lot before she married papa so she told me lots of stories about it.

But I was confused when we arrived at a place that only had one plane waiting in the middle of the deserted place, there was no buzzing round, no people that were waiting to board the plane.

It was just us and a handful of people that were their.

When ,e got down from the car I stayed by the boot to get my small luggage that held all my belongings.

But the old man that was considered my husband dragged took my hands and softly dragged me along with him to the plane.

The inside of the plane wasn't as big as ummi told me but it was beautiful nonetheless.

I was directed to a small door of the plane which I found out was a bedroom, I was told to that I should sleep that the flight was going to belong.

But I couldn't sleep, I was tired but I was scared of what will happen if I shut my eyes, so I stayed awake reciting verses from the Quran before I finally heard a knock on the door with the person already opening the door.

I froze scared of who it might be only to see it was the air hostess who had come to tell me that the were finally landing in America. Yes I know America.

I was happy for the first time in a new country, not knowing this was my new hell but it just looked like heaven at first glance