4 ~ Particular Honour

May returned home just as Rafael was draining the pasta, filling our small kitchen with the scent of her perfume and fresh bread from the bakery.

"Sorry I'm late," she said, setting down a paper bag that undoubtedly contained the promised cheesecake. "Jamie's mom came in last minute for a birthday order and you know how she gets."

"Demanded a complete redesign?" I asked, familiar with our neighbor's infamous perfectionism.

"Twice." May rolled her eyes, then paused, taking in the domesticity of Rafael stirring sauce and me setting the table. "Well, aren't you two adorable? Should I leave again and give you privacy?"

"Don't start." I warned, feeling heat rise to my cheeks. May had been not-so-subtly hinting at her approval of Rafael for years, oblivious to the complexity of our situation, or my prognosis.

"I'm just saying," she continued, hanging up her jacket "you make a cute— "

"How's the bakery expansion going?" I interrupted desperately.

May took the hint, launching into details about permits and contractors while Rafael finished preparing our meal. His cooking skills were another of his hidden talents, developed out of necessity during his father's frequent absences.

Dinner passed pleasantly, with May interrogating us about our post-graduation plans.

I gave her my well-rehearsed response about taking a gap year to 'explore options' before college, the cover story that would hide the likelihood I might not live to see college at all. Rafael mumbled something noncommittal about continuing at the garage, earning a disappointed look from my sister that he steadfastly ignored.

After we'd demolished the cheesecake, Rafael eating two slices with his usual disregard for human stomach capacity, May excused herself to handle bakery invoices, leaving us alone in the living room.

"So" Rafael said, sprawling across our couch with casual grace, "about this bucket list."

I retrieved the journal from my bag, settling into the armchair across from him. "What about it?"

"You serious about all this? Skydiving? Tattoos?" His eyebrow arched skeptically. "This coming from the girl who wouldn't even ride the Tilt-A-Whirl at the county fair."

"That was years ago," I protested. "And I was sick."

"You're always sick," he replied, then softened his tone. "That's what worries me. Your asthma— "

"My asthma is managed," I lied smoothly. "I take my medication. I use my inhaler. I'm fine."

He didn't look convinced. "Skinny-dipping? Really? Ms. I-Wear-A-T-Shirt-Over-My-Swimsuit?"

"Maybe I'm tired of being that person." I clutched the journal tighter. "Don't you ever want to be someone else for a while?"

Something flickered across his face—vulnerability quickly masked. "I spend most of my time trying to be someone else Sunny."

The admission caught me off guard. Rafael rarely showed cracks in his tough exterior.

"What do you mean?" I asked softly.

He shrugged, gaze drifting to the family photo on our mantel, May and me laughing, taken long after our parents' accident. "Nothing. Forget it."

I let it drop, knowing better than to push. "Look, I've thought a lot about this list. These are things I want to experience while I have the chance."

"Before college bogs you down, right?" He echoed my earlier explanation, skepticism clear in his voice.

"Right." Another half-truth. "So are you in or not?"

Rafael studied me for a long moment, his dark eyes searching mine as if trying to read the secrets I kept hidden. Then he sighed dramatically, flinging an arm over his face. "Fine. But when May murders me for corrupting her precious sister, I'm going to haunt you."

"Deal," I laughed, ignoring the painful irony that I'd likely be the one doing the haunting. "We start tomorrow."

"Hold up," he said, sitting straighter. "We can't just jump into this without preparation. Let's go through the list again. Item one is too vague—'Really live, for once.' What does that even mean?"

"It's the overall theme," I explained. "The rest are the specifics."

"Okay, so skinny-dipping," he continued, and I tried not to blush at the thought of being naked around him. "Where exactly are you planning this exhibition?"

"I was thinking about Lake Willow, up by the cliffs. No one goes there on weeknights."

"Except teenagers looking to get drunk and hook up," Rafael pointed out. "But I know a better spot. There's a small lake on private property about twenty miles out of town. The owner's on vacation all summer."

"How do you know that?" I asked suspiciously.

His grin turned mischievous. "Damien's uncle does the landscaping. We've used it for bonfires a few times."

"So we'd be trespassing."

"Already breaking the law. I'm impressed MissEllis."

I rolled my eyes, but couldn't suppress my smile. "Item three, tattoo. I've been researching parlors, and — "

"No need," Rafael interrupted. "I know a guy. Clean, professional, won't card you."

"Of course you do," I muttered. "Item four, skydiving. That one's straightforward. There's a place near Rockford that offers tandem jumps."

"Expensiv." Rafael noted.

"I've been saving," I said. My 'college fund' had been very quietly repurposed as my bucket list fund after my last prognosis.

"Item five, stargazing." he continued. "That's doable. There's a spot in the mountains about three hours from here. No light pollution for miles."

I nodded, impressed and touched he already knew such a place. "And lastly..." I trailed off, feeling heat crawl up my neck.

"Ah yes, the virginity clause," Rafael said, his tone deliberately casual despite the slight color in his own cheeks. "Any candidates in mind for that.. particular honor?"