I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T SEE YOU

Chapter 6

Aurelia

We talked for another hour. About books, about classes, about nothing and everything. He asked me questions and actually listened to my answers. He didn't interrupt or talk over me, he just listened like what I had to say mattered.

I started to relax, started to forget about being anxious. Started to just exist in the moment with this stranger who made me feel like I wasn't invisible.

"I should probably let you get back to studying," he said finally, checking his phone. "I've taken up enough of your time."

"You didn't," I said quickly. "I mean, I didn't mind. It was nice. Talking, I mean."

He smiled. "It was nice for me too. Really nice." He stood up, and I felt disappointed that he was leaving. "Same time next week?"

"You want to talk again?" I couldn't hide my surprise.

"Yeah. If that's okay with you."

"That's more than okay," I said, then immediately felt embarrassed for sounding so eager.

But he just smiled wider. "Good. Then it's a date. Well, not a date-date. Just a talking date. A friend date. This is coming out wrong."

I actually laughed. "I know what you mean."

"Right. Okay. I'm going to stop talking before I make it worse." He backed toward the elevator. "See you next Monday, Aurelia."

"See you," I said.

He waved and disappeared into the elevator. I sat there for a long moment, processing what had just happened. He'd come back. He'd brought me coffee. He wanted to talk to me again.

I pulled out my phone and texted Sienna.

Me: Mystery library guy came back.

The response was immediate.

Sienna: WHAT. Tell me EVERYTHING.

Me: He brought me coffee, we talked for an hour. He wants to talk again next Monday.

Sienna: This is amazing! Did you get his name this time???**

I stared at the text and realized I'd done it again, I'd spent an hour talking to him and still didn't know his name.

Me: ...no.

Sienna: AURELIA SINCLAIR. How is this possible???

Me: I don't know! We just started talking and I forgot to ask!

Sienna: Next Monday, first thing, you ask his name. This is your mission, I'm holding you accountable.

Me: Okay okay. I'll ask.

Sienna: Good. Now tell me everything he said.

I spent the next twenty minutes texting Sienna every detail of the conversation while walking back to my dorm. She sent back a stream of excited messages and heart emojis.

For the first time in eight years, I felt something other than fear and anxiety.

I felt hope.

Maybe I could do this, maybe I could make a friend. Maybe I could talk to someone without everything falling apart.

Maybe this year wouldn't be complete torture after all.

I went to bed that night thinking about blue eyes and coffee and the way he'd said honesty was valuable.

I didn't know his name, but I knew he made me feel less alone.

And right now, that was enough.

The week that followed was the best week I'd had in eight years. I actually looked forward to going to class, knowing I'd see Sienna.

I looked forward to Friday afternoons at the library, even though the blue-eyed stranger only came on Mondays. I looked forward to Monday, counting down the days until I could talk to him again.

I felt lighter. Like maybe, just maybe, I could be normal.

On Wednesday, Sienna dragged me to the campus bookstore to look at clothes. I protested the entire way, but she was relentless.

"Just try on one thing," Sienna insisted, holding up a fitted sweater in forest green. "This would look amazing with your eyes."

"It's too tight," I said immediately.

"It's normal-sized. Your hoodies are too big." Sienna thrust the sweater into my hands. "Dressing room. Now. I'll wait here and judge you."

I reluctantly went into the dressing room and pulled on the sweater. It fit properly, hugging my curves instead of hiding them.

I stared at myself in the mirror and felt exposed. But also, a tiny voice whispered, kind of pretty.

"Let me see!" Sienna called from outside.

I opened the door a crack and Sienna's face lit up. "Oh my god. Aurelia. You look amazing. You're buying that."

"I look fat," I said automatically.

"You look human-shaped. You know, like humans are supposed to look." Sienna rolled her eyes. "Mystery library guy is going to die when he sees you in that green sweater."

My face burned. "I'm not wearing it for him."

"Sure you're not."

But that night, alone in my dorm room, I tried on the green sweater again. And again.

......

Monday came faster than I expected. I woke up with butterflies in my stomach.

I stood in front of my closet for twenty minutes debating what to wear. The green sweater hung there, taunting me.

Before I could overthink it, I grabbed the sweater and pulled it on. Then the new jeans. I looked at myself in the mirror and my heart raced.

I looked like a regular person. Not invisible. Not hidden.

Exposed.

I almost changed back into my hoodie three times before I had to leave. I pulled on my oversized jacket over the sweater as a compromise.

Sienna's jaw literally dropped when she saw me at The Grind.

"Is that the green sweater?" she asked, her voice high with excitement.

"Maybe. Don't make a big deal out of it."

"This is the biggest deal! You look so good!"

Classes that day dragged on forever. I couldn't focus, too nervous about the afternoon. About seeing him again.

By three PM, I was a bundle of nerves. Sienna had a project due and couldn't come to the library with me.

"Remember," Sienna said as we parted ways. "Ask. His. Name."

"I will," I promised.

I walked to the library with my heart pounding, took the elevator to the fifth floor and found my usual carrel. It was completely empty today.

I sat down and pulled out my psychology textbook, but I couldn't read a single word. I kept glancing at the elevator.

Four PM came and went. Then four-thirty. Then five.

He wasn't coming.

I gathered my things slowly, trying to ignore the hollow feeling in my chest. I stood up, slinging my bag over my shoulder, and turned toward the elevator.

And crashed directly into someone.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry!" I stumbled backward. My bag slipped off my shoulder and hit the floor, spilling books and pens everywhere. "I'm sorry, I didn't see you, I should have been looking where I was going..."

"Watch where the fuck you're walking."

I looked up and the apology died on my lips.

He was beautiful in the way expensive things were beautiful. Sharp, cold, untouchable. Tall and muscular, with dark hair styled with casual perfection, designer clothes that probably cost more than my tuition, and a face that belonged on magazine covers.

I caught sight of his tattoo that peeked from under his rolled sleeve.

But his eyes. God, his eyes were the coldest grey I'd ever seen, looking at me like I was something unpleasant he'd stepped in.

He looked filthy rich, looked like someone who'd never been told no in his entire life.

I hated him immediately.

Then I saw his phone.

Shit. It's broken.