Chapter 6

JUSTIN

“FUCK!” Hindi ko napigilan ang mapamura nang bigla na lang siyang nawalan ng malay. It’s obvious she’s not well, and my first instinct was to bring her to the hospital.

Binuhat ko siya at inilabas ng pinto saka dinala sa elevator. As the door closed, pinindot ko ang L para sa lobby. Nang makalabas kami ay nakita ako ng dalawang guards.

“Sir! Ano po ang nangyari?” hindi magkandatuto niyang tanong. Bago pa ako nakasagot ay sinenyasan niya na ang kasama niya na tawagan ang driver ko.

In times like this, they know what to do. Kasama iyon sa orientation nila. Malapit lang ang tinutuluyan na apartment ng driver ko rito sa office kaya makaraan ang ilang minuto ay dumating din siya.

I sat at the back while still holding her. Sinabi ko kay Roger na dalhin kami sa General. Habang nasa biyahe kami ay kung ano-ano ang naiisip ko. I don’t even know why I asked Rowan to look for her. At hindi lang iyon, sinabi ko pa sa kaniyang dalhin sa akin para makausap ko. After my accident two months ago, I lost some memories.

Nang tumigil ang kotse sa harap ng ospital ay kaagad kaming dinaluhan ng medical staff. I am one of the donors in this facility at hindi biro ang ibinibigay kong halaga sa kanila. They tended to . . . Ano nga ulit ang pangalan niya? Damn it.

“Sir, ano po ang pangalan ng pasyente?” tanong sa akin ng isang nurse.

Isa pa itong staff. Saglit akong napapikit at nag-isip. Finally, naalala ko rin.

“Arizona Consigna.”

“Ilang taon na po siya at ano po ang nangyari? May allergies po ba siya?”

“I don’t know exactly how old she is. But I think she may be pregnant.” Saglit na napaamang ang nurse. “She had weird cravings. I am not sure. Anyway, she passed out when she was about to leave at nasalo ko siya.”

“Sige po, sir. Kung may tanong pa po ako mam’ya ay lalapit uli ako.”

Tumango ako sa kaniya. Nang maglakad siya palayo ay tinawagan ko si Rowan para siya na lang ang mag-intindi ng kailangan ng babaeng iyon. But my fucking assistant had his phone turned off. Nagpaalam nga pala siya kanina at sinabing may out of town siya nang ilang araw. Hindi ko lang siya personal assistant, naging malapit na kaibigan ko na rin siya simula nang maaksidente ako. He was the only one who was there for me at nagtiyaga sa ugali ko. My mother is gone at halos magkasunod silang nawala ng stepfather ko. As for other family members, it’s a little complicated. May anak sa una ang stepfather ko but he remained illegitimate, isang bagay na ikinagalit niya sa akin nang labis lalo na noong gawin akong tagapagmana.

I have no choice but to stay here and look after her. I can always hire a private nurse for her pero sa tuwing titingin ako sa kaniyang mukha, palaging ipinararating n’on sa akin na kailangan niya ako. It may seem weird, but I can’t just walkaway from her.

Hinayaan ko ang doktor at mga kasamahan niya na gawin ang trabaho nila. Some minutes later, the doctor came to see me.

“Mr. Calderon, good evening,” bati niya sa akin. “I’m Dr. Mondejar.” Nakipagkamay siya sa akin at tinanggap ko iyon.

“How is the patient?” Sanay ako na deretso ang pakikipag-usap. And although I am not a fan of pleasantries, I still tried to at least gave him acknowledgment. Shaking his hand is one.

“She is fine. Just pregnant. Fainting during pregnancy is caused by a sudden drop in blood pressure. This is due to the hormones released during pregnancy that relax the blood vessels. The brain then receives insufficient blood.”

Wala akong alam sa medical terms, so as long as sinabi sa akin ng doktor na maayos ang babae ay okay na iyon.

“Okay.”

He cleared his throat and said, “She’s about eight weeks pregnant. When I ran a few tests, she seemed to be under a lot of stress. It was best that the patient gets plenty of rest and follow a healthy diet, especially since she is eating for two. Do you know if she’s taking prenatal vitamins?” When I looked at him blankly, hindi niya alam kung tatawa siya o iignorahin ang sinabi ko. He chose the latter. “I will have her prescription ready. Medyo mababa rin ang hemoglobin niya. She’s borderline anemic so we have to monitor her. Does she have an OB?”

“I am not sure.”

“Okay, I will make a referral. Is there a preference?”

Itinatanong niya sa akin kung babae o lalaki pero iling ang isinagot ko sa kaniya.

“Okay, I will have the discharge papers ready. You can see the patient for now while we do the paperwork.”

When he turned his back, I changed my mind and called him. “I prefer a female OB for her.”

“Yes, sir.”

I shouldn’t care. Hindi ko siya asawa. Pero bilang lalaki, if I had a wife, I don’t want a male OB either. Naglakad ako papunta sa kaniya at nakamulat na siya. Tumigil ako sa may footboard ng kama at tumingin sa kaniya. Mukha siyang hindi mapalagay.

“Puwede na ba ’kong umuwi? Hindi ako puwedeng magtagal dito.”

“Relax. You will be discharged tonight.” She looked relieved. “Saan nga pala ang bahay n’yo? Doon kita ipahahatid.”

Hindi ko alam kung guniguni ko lang pero may nakita ako sa mga mata niya na takot. Bakit kaya? I am ruthless, yes, but only in business. As a person, I mind my own thing unless I need to be an asshole, then that’s a different story.

“H-Huwag na. I’m just going to take a taxi from here.”

Napakunot-noo ako pero kung iyon ang gusto niya ay wala naman akong magagawa. I’ll just let her do whatever she wants. Mukha naman na nasa tamang edad na siya. Pero sa likod ng isip ko, idinidikta sa akin na buntis ang babae at hindi dapat umuwing mag-isa. She also left her things at my place. ’Tapos hinimatay pa siya kanina. Paano kung maulit ’yon at walang sumalo sa kaniya?

“Magkano n-nga pala ang bill?”

“It’s not much,” sagot ko sa kaniya.

“Have you seen my purse?”

“You left it in my place. Hindi kita kayang buhatin at bitbitin ang maleta at purse mo,” paliwanag ko sa kaniya.

Namula siya. “I’m sorry, naabala na kita. Kukunin ko lang ang gamit ko sa inyo at aalis na rin ako. Pasensiya na talaga.”

Hindi ko na napigil ang pagtatanong. “Naglayas ka ba kasi buntis ka?” Hindi siya umimik. “Why did you really come to see me? Dahil ba sa ipinagbubuntis mo? You’re eight weeks pregnant according to the doctor.”

“I’ve made a mistake. Can we just leave it at that?”

“Mistake? I was told you were determined to see Paul Gonzales. Nasa harap mo na ’ko, why chicken out now?” Ayaw niya akong sagutin nang maayos kaya nainis na ako.

“I’m pregnant.”

“I think it has been established already. Anything else you want to add?”

“You’re the father.”

Halos pabulong lang ang pagkakasabi niya pero rinig na rinig ko iyon. What kind of sick joke is this?

“Excuse me?”

“I said, you are the father. But don’t worry, I am not asking you to marry me or support the child. I mean unless you want to.” Arizona looked like she just wants to run away and not talk about her pregnancy. “Can we not talk about this anymore? I just want to go back to your place to get my things and I will be on my way.”

Kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya. For a woman to tell me that I am about to be a father and then tell me she doesn’t want anything for me, why come see me?

“You can’t just tell me all those things and expect me to let you leave.”

Nagsalubong ang kilay niya at bumuka ang mga labi na parang may sasabihin pa pero hindi niya itinuloy.

“After you get discharged, I am taking you back to my place and we will talk. You can’t just blurt out things like that.”

Ano ba ang akala ng babaeng ito? Na okay lang magkaroon ng anak na bastardo?

Growing up without a father was not easy. And growing up without a father while we were dirt poor was even worse, lalo na kung ang mga tao sa paligid ay wala nang ginawa kung hindi pag-isipan at pagsalitaan ka ng masama. Isang kahig, isang tuka kami ni Nanay. At kung hindi pa niya nakilala si Papa ay hindi giginhawa ang buhay namin. Their love story was one for the books at masuwerte ako na hindi niya ako itinuring na iba.

“I already told you, I don’t need your help anymore and that’s why I am leaving.” She looked mad.

Humalukipkip ako. “How old are you?”

“I’m twenty-one,” inis niyang sagot sa akin.

“Then why are you acting like a child when you’re actually an adult? In about seven months, you are giving birth. How do you expect to care for your child when you act like that?” I tried to remain calm pero ang pinakaayaw ko ay ang mga taong matigas ang ulo at nagpapadala sa emosyon. Arizona was clearly upset.

“If you are trying to insult me, take a number.” Tiningnan niya ang IV na nasa braso niya at inunti-unting tuklapin ang tape. Napangingiwi siya kapag natatanggal ang tape.

“I am not trying to insult you. Learn the difference between an insult and having an adult conversation.” Hindi siya umimik at patuloy pa rin ang pagtuklap sa buwisit na tape. “Stop doing that. Kapag nahila mo ’yan ay sasargo ang dugo ’tapos mai-stress ka na naman at hihimatayin.” Napatingala ako sa kisame at napapikit. Ang sakit niya sa ulo.

Nang tingnan ko siya uli ay nakatitig siya sa akin.

“What?”

Mabilis siyang nag-iwas ng tingin. “You sound like sinadya kong himatayin.”

Napanganga ako sa kaniya. “Come again?”

“Wala.”

Jeez! This woman will be the death of me. Kung titingnan siya ay mukhang hindi makabasag-pinggan. Siya iyong tipo na kahit ano’ng sabihin ay susunod, hindi matigas ang ulo, at hindi palaban. But she was the exact opposite with that smart mouth. Palaging may balik sa akin kung makipag-usap at determinadong makalayo sa akin. If she really wanted to get away from me, hindi niya dapat sinabi sa akin na ako ang ama ng bata. But even if she didn’t, I would have the question lingering at the back of my head at paiimbestigahan ko siya. No one dares to carry my child and expect that I won’t care. Kapag napatunayan na anak ko nga ang bata, dadalhin niya ang apelyido ko at sisiguraduhin ko na magiging maayos ang buhay niya.

Women keeping their children for themselves were not entirely being selfish. Lahat may kaniya-kaniyang rason. Some were meant to destroy the other party, but sometimes, it was kept to protect the father of their child. Whatever the reason was, that was between the two people who made the child. Once the decision was made, paninindigan iyon hanggang dulo.

Almost twenty minutes later, dumating ang staff at sinabing puwede na kaming umuwi. I asked them to send me the bill. Napansin kong mukhang nabunutan ng tinik si Arizona. Hanggang lumulan kami ng kotse ay napa-puzzle ako sa kaniya. I had slept with countless women. Sixteen pa lang ako ay may karanasan na ako but I always made sure that I am safe. Kaya kung totoo ang sinasabi niya na nagkita kami sa Club Pyre at may nangyari sa amin kaya siya nabuntis ay mahirap iyong paniwalaan sa parte ko. I’m thirty at hindi isang teenager na hindi marunong gumamit ng condom.

Unless the fucking condom broke.

Tinapunan ko siya uli ng tingin. She is not ugly but not my usual type either. I prefer my women tall, glamorous, short hair, and sophisticated. Arizona is not that tall but not too short either. Sa tantiya ko ay nasa limang talampakan at tatlong pulgada siya, at sa tangkad ko ay halos hindi siya umabot sa balikat ko. She doesn’t look sophisticated at all. Her nails were not manicured, although malinis ay maiksi ang kaniyang kuko. Her dark hair is past her shoulders and wavy. It looked a little dull, to be honest. Wala siyang makeup at kung pananamit din lang ay napakasimple niya. Siya iyong tipo ng babaeng hindi ko lilingunin kung magkasalubong kami sa daan. Arizona looked depressing.

So how the hell did I end up sleeping with her and knocking her up?

“Stop staring,” pagkuwa’y sabi niya sa akin.

Hindi na ako sumagot at hinintay na lang na makarating kami sa penthouse. As soon as we walked in, inihanda niya ang kaniyang gamit. Ang purse niya ay inilagay niya sa ibabaw ng luggage at hinila papunta sa tabi ng front door. Doon siya naghintay na para bang kakausapin ko siya nang nakatayo.

“Sit down and let’s talk. Do you want milk?”

I don’t know a lot about pregnant women, maliban na lang noong nagbuntis si Nanay at nakita kong dinadalhan siya ng mainit na gatas ni Papa. Sadly, she had a miscarriage at hindi na nagbuntis uli. Papa was a good man at hindi nagpadala sa kalungkutan. He deals with his pain when he thinks no one was looking. Pero nakita ko siya minsan na umiinom ng alak at tahimik na umiiyak. I let him be.

Arizona looked surprised. Bakit ba tuwing may iaalok sa kaniya o may gagawin para sa kaniya ay parang gulat na gulat siya? Was her family not treating her well? Na-bully ba siya? I suddenly felt protective of the mother of my child. She claimed it at kahit may mga alinlangan ako, I’m going to play along until I have proof.

“I don’t drink—”

“The baby needs it,” giit ko. Tumango siya at wala nang nagawa nang sabihin ko iyon. Good. At least she has concern for the baby.