Not Gentlemanly

JACKSON

“Jackson!” Coach Bryan snapped when I messed up for the… fourth? Fifth time? Fuck, I didn't know. “What’s going on with you today, man? Do you need a break?”

I shook my head, wiping sweat from my brow. ”No, Coach. I’m good.”

He didn't seem a bit convinced. “Like hell you are. Take ten.”

“I–”

He gave me a hard look. “Take ten, Jackson. As a matter of fact, all of you. Ten!” 

“Yes, Coach!” they echoed, excited to finally get a break. We’ve been practicing all day, but that wasn't the cause of my exhaustion or distraction. It wasn't even close. 

I sat on the bench, water bottle in hand, but I didn't drink; I just stared at the label, seeing nothing. Someone sat almost hesitantly beside me, and I stiffened, but didn't move. 

My team and I were cool, and all that, but a line was still drawn between us. I don't know why I was still so hesitant to get close to them. Maybe because leaving my last team had been too hard. Those were my family. My brothers. And now I am even more exhausted, reminded that I'll be playing against them. 

“Uhm… you good?” Mason asked beside me, softly, almost carefully.

I kept staring at my water bottle. He’s been trying to get close to me for a while now since that day in the locker room. He was a good kid, stayed distant from the others, and yet for reasons I couldn't grasp, still wanted to be close to me.

“No,” I answered, my voice low. 

From the corner of my eye, I saw him nod. “I can tell. I have seen you so distracted during practice. You wanna talk about it?” 

Talk about it… When was the last time I talked about “it” to anyone? Not even Siri, because she was the “it” right now.

“Ever had a woman's problem, Mason?” I asked softly, peeling the label from the bottle.

“Uhm…” He scratched the back of his neck. “Not really.”

I nodded. “Then you’re the wrong person to ask advice from.” 

We fell silent after that, the team chatting amongst themselves, Mason and I the only lone wolves. That was… comforting in a way. I turned to him, and our eyes met. He held it for two counts before he looked away. Well, he’ll get there. 

“Actually, there is something you can do for me.”

He glanced at me. “Yeah?”

I nodded, pausing for a beat. “Siri,” the name slipped out, quiet between us. Another pause, and the next name left a bitter taste on my tongue. “Michael.” 

His eyebrows pulled together, and he looked away. “I… can’t. You’ll have to ask her.”

My jaw clenched. I know that. I wasn't trying to go behind her back and find out what happened, but… but fuck, I needed something, okay? 

I needed to at least know why I was being tortured this way. All I asked for was a seat beside mine on the plane. That’s all. I didn't ask for us to fuck on the plane, or be all cuddly with each other. No, I… I just needed her beside me. Maybe hold her hand while I was sure nobody was watching. Maybe tease her, and watch that beautiful blush on her cheeks. 

That’s all. That’s bloody all. But she was acting as if I asked her to walk around with a sign that we were fucking. It was doing something ugly to me.

Yesterday, we went out. We toured. We smiled. I held her in my arms that night as she slept, but even her scent and warmth weren't enough to lure me into sleep. I stared at the ceiling till dawn.

Listen, I know, okay? I know this wasn't exactly gentlemanly on my part, and I was a dick yesterday during our argument, but it just hurt, okay? It hurts because I didn't see myself falling this hard. I didn't think she would consume me so quickly and brutally. 

“You know that I know her,” I said softly, still staring at Mason’s side profile. Not a question.

He nodded. "You won't exactly break a guy’s nose over someone you didn't know, right?”

“So how do you feel about that? Me knowing her?”

“Nothing. I feel nothing.” 

I stilled. 

The way he answered without hesitation. The way he didn't pause to consider why I was asking such a strange question. 

“Look at me, Mason.”

He took a deep breath and turned his head to me. 

“How would the rest of the team feel if they knew I knew her?”

He hesitated. “Well, I mean, it’s not really their concern about who you’re friends with, right?”

I nodded. “Then let me rephrase my question: how would the team feel if they knew I was close with her? Really close.”

Another brief hesitation. “For half of them who knew Michael, it wouldn't be nice.”

I couldn't help but scoff at that, though the sound lacked any warmth in it. 

I shook my head as I muttered, “Michael. Michael. Michael. I have never met this fucker, but he’s occupying a little too large a space in my life right now.”

“He’s a bastard,” Mason snarled, and I paused when I heard hatred in his voice. “He was the old captain before he transferred, and he was the worst kind of bastard.”

“And what does that have to do with Siri?” I asked, unable to keep the frustration from bleeding into my voice.

“They…” He released a breath. “They had a bet on her. That’s all I can say, Jackson.”

“A bet?” I asked, my eyebrows pulled tight, a headache pounding in my temple. “What kind of bet?”

“I’m not saying anything else."

I rubbed my hand on my face. “I’m not asking you to tell me what happened. Just enough for me not to feel left out.”

He shook his head. “Ask her you–”

“She won’t bloody tell me!” I snapped, my jaw clenched. I closed my eyes, drawing in a deep breath. I shifted closer to him, ignoring the eyes on me. “I’m not trying to hurt her, Mason.”

He nodded, almost like he understood all the things I wasn't saying. “I know.”

That made my chest tighten. “But it feels like I'm the one being punished for what that bastard did.”

I hated myself immediately for saying that. Siri wasn't punishing me. I knew that, but knowing shit doesn't make it hurt less. 

“You can be hurt by it,” Mason said eventually. “Doesn't mean she’s doing it to hurt you.”

I stared at him. This time, he held my eyes longer. “You said you haven't had woman problems.”

He raised an eyebrow. “I haven't."

I scoffed. “Bloody liar.”

He scoffed as well, the air light between us. 

The coach's whistle cut through the rink. “Break’s over!”

He stood up, looking down at me. “Don’t force it out of her, Cap. It was… it was horrible. No one should have to live through that twice.”