CHAPTER 1: PROLOGUE

The buzzing in Rowena Von Dame's ears wouldn't go away. Her head felt like it was underneath a hydraulic press machine. It was only after she swallowed the invisible lump in her throat did she realize she was holding her breath for the past minute. But it had actually been almost ten minutes since she was pressed up against the corner of the relatively small bathroom, between the wooden wall and the door, barely struggling to hold herself up. It was about about a quarter to 3 o'clock in the morning. Silence coated the air as everyone in the beach house had gone to bed early after a long day of parasailing. There was barely any light outside the bathroom window, only a subtle white glow from the full moon.

It was the sound of the waves crashing down against the shoreline that made Rowena snap out of her trance. The repetitive splashing and whooshing of the waters against the sands assisted in her attempts to breathe in and out, ultimately calming herself down.

"I can't do this..." she whispered.

Rowena exhaled deeply. Then a jolt coursed through her body and she finally stood upright. She moved away from the corner and approached the sink. She gripped its sides to steady herself, feeling quite a bit faint yet again. She quickly turned the faucet knob. The sound of the water falling down, tapping against the porcelain surface of the sink helped her find the rhythm to breathe properly. She cupped her pale hands underneath the running water then proceeded to splash her face. The water initially felt cool against her face, but she felt her body heat up soon after. She finally looked at herself in the mirror. Blue eyes stared back at her. Yet she couldn't recognize the young woman staring back.

Who are you!? What have you done?! She wanted to scream. But only the sound of the falling water rang throughout the bathroom. She pressed her cracked lips together.

Disgusting. You're disgusting. She thought to herself.

Rowena felt like crying. She wanted to cry. But the tears didn't come. A part of her thought she had no right to cry.

There was only an insurmountable amount of self-loathing.

Heat coursed through her face and body yet again. She turned off the faucet and moved towards the small shower area. Without undressing, she opened the shower head and stood underneath it. The cool water tapping against her body gave a sense of comfort. Not long after, her black shirt began to hug her body. The sensation wasn't strong enough. Rowena wrapped her weak arms around her torso. She wanted nothing to be embraced, to be told that everything was going to be okay. But she knew that it wouldn't be. Because it was her fault.

Her knees became weak and they began to buckle. Rowena didn't have the strength to stand up. She stayed in a fetal position for a long as the showers kept tapping on her.

It was only when a huge crash from the waves outside sounded above the shower did Rowena come back to her senses. Suddenly, she felt cold. She slowly unfurled herself and stared at her pruned hands. She stood up and turned off the shower. Her wet shirt and pajama shorts heavy against her body. She stepped her away from the shower area and came face to face with the mirror yet again. The same blue eyes from before stared back.

"I need to get away from here," Rowena said aloud, as if to convince herself.

She looked at her reflection for a moment. Then yet another jolt coursed through her body. She began to undress, grabbing a bath towel from the hook behind the door.

The air wasn't too humid for a late June day. Rowena had tried to dry herself has much as she could. But several beads of water still coated her skin. And her hair was still quite wet, drops descending from the tips of her short hair and splatting against her shoulders every now and then. She carefully exited the bathroom, closing the light behind her and then scanning the dark room for her things. The moonlight didn't quite reach the inside. She had to wait for her eyesight to adjust. When she was sure of what steps to take, she began to head towards her navy blue luggage situated in front of the dilapidated wooden closet beside the small wooden desk and chair at the corner of the room.

Rowena was only a few inches away from her bag. Because of the dark room, she was unable to see that she was too close to the bed. She had accidentally bumped her left knee against the corner. She was about to yelp in pain when she suddenly spotted a figure on her bed.

She froze and allowed her eyes to re-adjust. Finally, she realized and remembered that Gary had gone to her room to sleep for the night. Her body relaxed, and for a moment everything felt fine. As she stared at Gary slumbering, a warm feeling came over her. It wasn't the aggravating heat she felt in the bathroom just moments ago. It was like drinking a cup of hot chocolate in a breezy autumn morning.

Rowena wanted so badly to crawl into bed and lie next to him, to wake him up and tell him about how she was feeling. She wanted to hear him say, "It's going to be okay, Ro."

But she knew that the moment she touched him, it would be harder to leave.

And she needed to leave. Staying would only bring pain to everyone.

She looked at him one last time, even through the dark she could see his face—she would always remember what he looked like. Then she turned away, gathering every ounce of strength in her to move and start packing.

With a deep exhale, Rowena moved to her luggage. Hands felt around for the zipper, which she eventually found and opened as quietly as she could. She took out a fresh pair of yoga pants and a graphic tee. She tossed the towel in the direction of the chair and desk, not knowing and not caring where it landed. Once she was clothed properly, she began to go through the room and gather her belongings. The closet squeaked a bit as she pried it open, but Gary was still sound asleep. He was always a heavy sleeper.

Rowena quickly taking out her clothes. She briefly paused as she grabbed the new black and white, polka dotted, vintage one piece she and Gary bought at the nearby town, which she never got to use. But the sounds of the waves crashing outside stirred her senses again. With a few tip toes here and there, back to the bathroom to collect her toiletries, to the night stand to collect her valuables, all the while trying not to fixate at the bed from her periphery, Rowena was able to pack all her things.

She didn't know what time it was. But time seemed to have stopped as she now came face to face with the door. The invisible lump in her throat was back. As she swallowed, she took a step closer. She reached out for the door knob and felt the cool metal against her palm.

Rowena held her breath. She knew if she so much as turned her head ever so slightly, and see Gary's figure at the corner of her eye, it would only hurt more.

With a final exhale, she quickly turned the knob and stepped out, hand tight on her luggage.

It was a miracle that Rowena was able to head downstairs without making any noise despite the beach house's slightly run-down state. No one was at the open space living room, kitchen, and dining area. There were a few things from the past few days still lying around; board games, playing cards, a few clothes and beach towels, red cups, and the like. Rowena's heart softened. Even if they barely had anything in common, she grew to really like everyone. They were her friends.

But she knew that things would never be the same again.

Rowena headed to the console table near the house entrance. She opened one of the drawers and found a pad paper. She grabbed it along with a pen from the holder beside the telephone on top of the table. Afterwards, she headed to the kitchen counter and began to write.

D̶e̶a̶r̶ ̶G̶a̶r̶y̶ ̶D̶e̶a̶r̶ ̶E̶v̶e̶y̶o̶n̶ ̶D̶e̶a̶r̶ ̶E̶v̶e̶r̶y̶o̶n̶e̶

I need to be alone

Please don't look for me

It's better I̶'̶m̶ ̶g̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶I̶ ̶l̶e̶a̶v̶e̶ this way

I'm so sorry

— Rowena

Things needed to be kept brief. There was no time to say anything else. She had to get out before the others woke up. Or else she would never get to walk away. It was now or never.

Without a moment's breath, and luggage in hand, Rowena walked out of the beach house.

Her mind was at a loss. No thoughts came through her head as she walked down the road from the beach house to the town. It was quite the walk. But at that point, Rowena couldn't feel anything. There was no sadness. There was no pain. There was only a need to get away—to just go home and be alone.

As the town started coming into view, everything started to light up, signifying that the sun was about to rise any minute. Someone from the house could wake up and find her gone. 

What would they think of the letter? Will they look for her? Would they miss her?

Rowena shook away such thoughts as she spotted the bus station. She walked briskly, feeling her luggage shake against the concrete road.

The ticket booth was just about to open when she reached the station. The bus that was about to depart wasn't even ready yet. The driver was still having his morning coffee and reading the newspaper at the side. There was a digital clock on top of the booth that read ten minutes before six o'clock.

The woman in the booth seemed to be in her early forties. She had short, wavy, auburn hair and prominent cheekbones, which actually made her look a little more youthful. Although there were some fine lines on other parts of her face. She was wearing a plain white button down blouse and a name tag that read Miriam. She politely smiled at Rowena.

"Where ya headin', honey?" she asked.

"Uh, does the first bus out pass by the Huntsfield metropolitan area?" Rowena inquired.

The woman tilted her head a bit, as if wondering if she heard her correctly.

"That's mighty far, sweetheart, are ya sure ya came here by bus?"

Rowena pressed her lips together. "N-No..." she began to worry if there was no way out of town. "I came here in a car with some friends. We're staying at a house by the beach. B-But I have a personal emergency, and I need to leave ahead of our stay."

The woman stared at her with a look of concern, eyes squinted for a moment. But then she gave a soft smile, which only made Rowena anxious.

"Well, sugar," she pulled out a brochure-size map from under her desk and uncapped the red marker that had been by her cellphone. She began to draw a line and encircled a few things on the map. Rowena tried her best to look into the booth and at the woman's desk.

"This bus won't get you directly to Huntsfield. But it will pass by one of the Chevy City bus stations. Get down there and look for the stairs leading to the subway. Then ride it until the 73rd Avenue. When you emerge from underground—" she briefly glanced at Rowena, "it will be the east exit, honey, remember that," then continued pointing at the map. "You'll immediately see another bus station. This is at the edge of the city and they have buses that drive to Lamtown. Once at Lamtown, you can take a train to Gregson City—"

"Oh, that's perfect. I've been to Gregson. I-I know my way from there," Rowena felt a wave of hope wash over her. "T-Thank you."

The woman gave her a smile. "Do ya need some extra cash, sweetheart?"

Rowena tried her best to hide how surprised she was by the gesture. "N-No. I'm fine. I just really need to know how to get home through a commute."

The woman looked at her for a moment, smiled, then nodded.

Afterwards, they transacted their business and Rowena finally got her ticket. They exchanged their final pleasantries and she boarded the bus.

Rowena was the first one onboard and sat somewhere in the middle, by the window. It was the first time she had sat down, finally without any sense of urgency. The velvet seats felt soft to her touch but she couldn't feel any sense of comfort. She was still so anxious about what happened—about everything, about the future.

Not long after, other people began boarding the bus, just as the sun began to rise and the sky began to fully light up. Rays peaked into the bus windows, coating the interior with tones of warm orange. In about half an hour or so, the driver started preparing to depart. There weren't many onboard, but it was a small town. Then as the digital clock at the front of the bus turned, a quarter to seven o'clock, the driver ignited the engine. Although it was expected to depart at exactly seven, he had already closed the bus door, as if knowing no one else would be boarding.

Rowena looked at the bus entrance, half expecting to see Gary all sweaty and panting, having chased her down from the house. But she knew this wasn't a fairy tale. Everything changed from a dream to reality in that moment hours ago in the middle of the night.

The bus began to reverse out of the station as the clock began to count down the minutes before the end of the hour. Even with the air conditioner, Rowena was feeling hot again. Yet at the same time, she also felt as if she was drowning, heavy currents thrashing at her body. The invisible lump in her throat was back, and wouldn't go away now matter how much she swallowed. The bus finally turned towards the road. They began to drive down. Rowena realized this was her reality now. The sun had fully risen and its morning glow touched her face through the window. There was no turning back.

It was only then did the tears began to fall down.