LOGINShe had her whole junior year mapped out. Volleyball. Late nights with her friends. Maybe telling her brother's best friend the thing she's been not-saying for two years. Then her left leg started hurting and a Tuesday trip to the ER rewrote everything. Sloane Deshazo, sixteen, has spent her whole life being easy to love. No drama, no needs, no complications. Ewing Sarcoma, stage 2, doesn't care about any of that. And neither, it turns out, does Chandler Pavelka, who keeps showing up without being asked, in yesterday's jeans and an inside-out hoodie, like staying is the most obvious thing in the world. Sloane knows how to fight. She's learning, slower, how to let someone stay. But remission isn't guaranteed, and some days the scariest thing isn't the diagnosis. It's wanting something this much.
View MoreThe text took three drafts.Not because I didn’t know what I wanted to say. I’d known since the Suburban ride home, the phone in my bag and the city going past and Stetson’s shoulder warm against mine. I’d known it the way I knew things that had been true for a while before I let myself name them. The three drafts were about finding the version that didn’t make it bigger than it was.Monday afternoon. Cycle 9 started Wednesday. It had been snowing since morning, the slow February kind that stuck, and I was on my bed with Bernard across my feet, and I typed the third version and sent it before I could make a fourth.I think we should talk. Not over text if that’s okay.He called within two minutes. That was Evan, always prompt, always prepared. I sat up and Bernard relocated, indignant, and I answered.He was kind about it and so was I and neither of us performed anything, which was maybe the best version of how this could go. He said he’d sensed it. I said I had too, for a while. He s
The thing about a room full of people who understood was that you didn’t have to explain yourself. That was the whole thing. You could just be in it.The ballroom was on the fourteenth floor of a hotel in downtown Denver, formal and polished in the way of things that had been planned for a long time: round tables with white linens, centerpieces that were tasteful and not too tall, a silent auction along the east wall with items that had been donated by people who wanted to do something and didn’t know what else to do. The foundation had been running this gala for eleven years. It showed in the way the evening moved, unhurried and organized, like a machine that had learned its own rhythm.I was in a deep navy midi dress that Noelle had approved in a single look, structured through the bodice and soft everywhere else, and I’d worn the gold earrings from homecoming because they were the right weight and didn’t pull. Cycle 8 meant cumulative tired, not just today tired, the kind that live
Grief didn’t compress the way I’d expected it to. I’d thought it would arrive all at once and then diminish, the way a fever did, breaking cleanly and leaving you on the other side. Instead it came in layers, some days thin and close to the surface, some days heavy in a way that had nothing to do with the treatment fatigue and everything to do with the silence that Wednesday had now.The funeral had been Tuesday. A church in Aurora I’d never been to, full of people who had known Lylah longer and better. Her older sister spoke. She had Lylah’s same direct way of looking at a room. Two little brothers in the front row who were too young to be sitting that still. I sat in the back with Noelle, her sapphire eyes red-rimmed the whole service, and didn’t cry until the drive home, which was when it was finally private enough.I went back to Happy Paws on Thursday. Not because I was ready. Because Cove needed the session and nobody else knew his training history the way I did.Cove was a three
January had a specific quality that December didn’t. December was loud and full of things happening. January was what was left after. Cycle 7 VDC, first Wednesday back, and the hospital felt the same as it always did: the antiseptic smell, the low murmur of machines, Hanna’s rotation arriving at predictable intervals. Consistent. None of it caring what month it was.Lylah was already in her chair when we got there.She’d lost more weight since before the break. The lilac wig was gone, replaced by a soft grey beanie that sat low on her forehead, and her book was open in her lap but she wasn’t reading it. She was looking at the window. When I came in she turned and did the small nod she always did, and I did it back, and that was the whole transaction.Emory had come because I’d asked and he didn’t like hospitals and had said so directly and then come anyway, which was its own kind of thing. He’d been quiet in the car over and was sitting now in the chair beside mine with his jacket sti
The biopsy was Monday.Seventh floor, procedure room two doors from Dr. Giacherio’s office, forty minutes including the time it took to numb the area and the time it took me to adjust to the fact that I could feel pressure even without pain. Dad sat against the wall with his phone face down on his k
Pops said yes to the truck without asking why.Which meant Noelle got the passenger seat and Chandler and I were in the back, which was fine. That was just how it sorted. It had nothing to do with anything.The drive-in was twenty minutes outside town, past the point where the streetlights gave up a
Monsieur Montreuil was at the board conjugating verbs when the PA crackled on.The static came first, that half-second that made the whole room glance up on instinct. Then my name.Everyone else heard it the same way they heard any announcement. Sloane Deshazo, please come to the main office. Bring
Stetson was already in the hallway when I opened my door.Basketball shorts, old soccer tournament shirt, hair flat on one side. His phone was in his hand but he wasn’t looking at it. He was looking at me. The hallway was dark, the only light coming from the thin line under Dad and Pops’ door at the












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