When Letters Are Exposed

"Dear Angel, I received the letter with your panties drenched in your juice. It smelled so heavenly... You two add heaven in your nonsense?"

Dad paused as Mum gagged, shaking her head; he picked up a recent letter I had written last night.

While maintaining eye contact, he opened it, and my soaked underwear fell out. My face reddened; I wanted the ground to swallow me in that instant

"Dear Lover, I've been touching myself everywhere to the thought of you. It's satisfying knowing you've been stroking yourself with my gifts. I'm attaching another soaked underwear..."

Dad stopped and stared at the underwear on the floor, and he slapped me. I whimpered, my hand shot up to rub the spot

"I... I'm sorry," I whispered, but the words did nothing to ease the tension in the room; I doubt anything I say would.

I had walked into the worst scene of my life, my mum's strangled sobs filled the living room while my Dad stared at the pile of scattered letters in contempt.

Letters that contained things too sinful to say out loud, that too from a boyfriend I should not be having in the first place.

"Twenty-five years of raising you to be a perfect, pure woman, twenty-five years of raising you in the way of the lord and this is how you turn out to be?"

I looked down at my palm, but my dad grabbed a handful of my hair and forced me to look at him

"How many times have you led the sermon with those filthy thoughts in your mind, you want to be the devil's spawn right?" He yelled

I shook my head in disagreement and the movement made my scalp sting so bad.

"She has been possessed by a demon, maybe we've not been praying enough. A whore"  Mum whispered shaking her head

"No.... please.." my voice cracked, I felt hot shame wash over me and in that moment I wanted to disappear

" Who have you been writing these letters to? Who has been filling you with such...filth?" Dad's voice was edged with anger and disappointment.

"I...I...It's " I stuttered

I could not say anything about my boyfriend Noah Thorne to avoid telling them about the relationship that started at sixteen before he left for Law school in Frankfurt.

"I know you're not deaf Lanarai, who have you been writing these letters to. I specifically restricted you from using phones so you don't get to know things like this" He yelled, letting go of my hair and pushing me away from him.

"How did you even get this letters without us finding out?, There's only one post office and I know Armano would've reported to us if he saw you delivering or taking any letter"

"I...I sneaked them in myself. I used to sneak in and get them myself, Mother," My voice was a little too high.

Calling Uncle Armano could result in dragging Nyrah, my best friend, into this mess.

 If her parents were to find out about her involvement, she'd be in serious trouble.

"Does it matter? She has broken all the rules already; all that matters is getting her back in line." Mum sneered, "I dread the scandal this could create for us if it gets out. A pastor's daughter..." She shuddered, unable to even complete the sentence.

Dad's shoulder slumped as he sighed "I already called Pastor Michael and Armano. We'll have the wedding rushed; I feel too disgusted by her presence to have her here any longer."

"Father..."

"Don’t all me that, you'll marry Pastor Michael and you'll be a good wife to him, he's the only one I trust enough to put you back in line"

"Not only is he a respectable man with a clean history, but everyone in Rine Westphalia knows he's a good man." Mum added,

I wanted to argue that the man they were giving me to had been married thrice and all three of his wives died mysteriously, but I swallowed it and went to my room.

 Immediately i locked the door behind me, I rushed to the floorboard and it was still intact making me sigh in relief, mum did not find the special letters that contained specific erotic instructions.

  I moved the loose floorboard then picked one out to read for comfort; the letters had a way of erasing every form of worry, they made me feel seen, not judged.

"Dear Angel, I can't stop thinking about the last letter of you begging me to teach you how to touch yourself like a naughty girl."

 My thighs involuntarily clenched, my breathing became unsteady as I made my way to the bed clutching the letter to my chest.

 "First lie back and spread your legs, then slide your hands in between your thighs"

 I could hear the voice in my head as I lay down on the bed and slowly put my hands inside my underwear.

My fingers were welcomed with warm, soft folds already drenched. I held the letter up and continued reading with heavy-lidded eyes.

 "Feel how wet you are already. Circle your pretty pussy in a steady rhythm and as the pleasure builds up, you increase it"

 I circled slowly at first then as my breathing became ragged, my pace increased.

Before long i felt a shock wave flow through my body, my walls clenched and my eyes watered.

I bit down on my arms to stop the moan from escaping the confines of my thin wall.

 "When you're done, write back to me how you felt afterwards. Never feel bad about wanting to explore your own body."

The aftermath was a dizzy satisfaction. I clutched the letter to my chest as tears rolled down my cheeks and my chest threatened to explode.

  I wished Noah would just appear and whisk me away.

 I did not want to life of always hiding and following these crazy rules. I wanted to be heard; I wanted someone that did not see my natural desires as demon-inspired.

My eyes landed on the pen and notebook on my table. In that moment, determination overrode my fear and I found myself writing another letter.

"Dear Lover,"