First Love Dies

01

I watch my friend play with her children while I sit here in the corner and just watch them. It's been years now and I'm getting older each day. I don't know where and what are my destinations in life. They say when your first love broke your heart you will never forget about him, and I think because of that I still can't move on even though years has passed.

"Myles, what are you doing there all alone. Join us." My friend Faye dragged me so I could join them with her kids.

Her daughter immediately went to me and gave me a hug, she has now 2 children. They are growing and moving forward while I'm stuck to where he left me.

I tried to go on and move forward. I even tried dating but every man that I date won't pass my standard. The man who left me set my standard high and I don't know how to lower them.

"Uhm, did you get the invitation card?" Faye asked with caution.

I nodded and smiled at her, but she just looks at me seriously. I know, she's angry but there's nothing more I can do.

"I'm fine." I smiled at her.

"You always say that, but you never were, since that day."

I couldn't stand her sadness, so I left early. I don't want to burden anyone just because I'm sad or hurt. I can take care of myself, and unlike before she has a family to take care now.

It's just me now, walking in the park enjoying the fresh air.

I close my eyes as I sit in the bench, imagining he's here by my side. I want to think of our happy memories, but I can't because I'm sitting at the place where our story ended.

"You can't cry here."

A person's figure catches my eye. I wipe tears so I could clearly who is it.

A man is sitting by my side as I open my eyes. He looks at me seriously and for some reason he looks angry. I don't know him. I wipe my tears immediately as they won't stop coming out in my eyes and I avoided his eyes, they were too much to handle.

I though it was him for a second

"Sorry." I said and stood up so I can go.

"You look pathetic, you shouldn't cry about something you can't control." He said and left before I could.

My eyes creased as I heard him say that. What did he mean by that? Do I know him?

I went home crying and crying and it's not even new to me. I always cry and he's always the reason why.

I want to scream, maybe when I do that the pain won't be here anymore. It's just like I cry so I can feel a lot better, but the truth is the pain is still there, there's no difference.

"Are you sure you're coming? You don't have to you know."

"No, I have to." Faye seems hesitant but agreed with my decision.

We enter the church and we saw a lot of familiar people. Our batch mate greets us. Some even look at me like they're sorry but there's nothing to be sorry about.

"I didn't know you would come. It's nice to see you." Missy hugged me tight.

"I should. I don't want to miss this event out." I said in confidence even though my heart is breaking into a million pieces.

She looks shock, she must have thought that I might broke down here but no I won't let that happen, I don't want to look helpless in front of the man I love the most and I want to see him even that mean I must attend his weeding.

"You guys came."

"Of course, we can't miss your weeding."

I turned stone cold as I heard his voice. I slowly turn so I could see him, and I didn't know how I manage to smile at him as our eyes met.

I miss him, I want to hug him, I want to beg him to take me back, I was that desperate.

We just look at each other's eyes, he began to make his way to me, and I don't know how to react. Before he could say anything, I quickly turned my back at him and start walking fast outside the church.

I can't see clearly now because of my tears but I still walk so I could escape him.

"Stop running." He held my arms and that made me weak.

"I'm sorry, I though I can face you, but I can't. I have to leave I was stupid for coming here."

He was lost for words; he didn't know what to say. I can tell just by looking at him.

"I miss you. I still think of you every time, but you know what? My love for you is so big that I am happy that you are getting married even if it isn't me, you're marrying."

"Myles."

"It's okay. It was not your fault. It never was and I don't blame you for that. I just blame you for treating me so precious that I can't lower my standard anymore." I chuckled.

"She makes me happy, she loves me too." I nodded.

"As long as your happy, that what matters."

"How about you?"

"I'll keep admiring you from afar, just like before?" I chuckled.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry, I choose this, I wanted this."

"But still."

"I will be fine, I'm strong, remember? I can overcome this." He nodded.

"I guess this is where our story ends?"

He didn't say anything and just hugged me tight.

"No."

His answer confused me, but I didn't ask any further. I don't want to anymore. I just want to think that this is where our story ends but the truth is it ended years ago, I was a coward to accept that before.