His Friends

- Joelle -

Hey lovebirds! Sorry for interrupting. Wanna grab a bite with us?” said a voice from behind Jason.

I leaned to the side to see who it was. It was Kevin and Matthew. They had known Jason ever since they were kids. They were following a degree in Engineering at the same University we attended and we often hung out with them when all four of us were free. According to Matthew, Jason and I were in some sort of secret relationship. That was his definition when I was around. Apparently the term wasn’t censored when I wasn’t around. I used to blush every time he said it but the more I denied it the more he said it. In the end Jason told me there were two ways of dealing with Matthew, either play along with him or ignore him completely. I chose the latter. Sure enough he stopped. By now though, I had gotten used to him and became immune to his comments. I managed to keep my cool around him and usually reacted by rolling my eyes or sticking my tongue out to him. Jason always laughed when I did that and said I looked twelve not twenty two. Today though was different.

“Oh shut up, Matthew you know perfectly well we’re not like that,” I told him

Everyone was shocked I reacted. I guess they had gotten used to me ignoring him.

“Ooooo”, Matthew told me as he made a face and extended his hand to help me up.  I grabbed it and got back on my feet, trying to shake off the embarrassment of my outburst. Matthew continued to wear a mischievous grin, clearly enjoying the moment. Jason, on the other hand, looked at me with an amused twinkle in his eyes, relishing the opportunity to tease me further.

"Oh, come on, Bugs. You know you can't resist me," he said playfully, wrapping an arm around my waist. I rolled my eyes, pretending to be exasperated.

"More like I can't resist rolling my eyes at you," I retorted, sticking my tongue out at Matthew once again, earning another round of laughter from Jason.

“What’s up with her?” he asked Jason gesturing towards me.

Jason laughed, “Never mind,” he told him, “I just told her she’s the most beautiful girl in the world and asked her to marry me,” he continued and grinned. Gobsmacked I shot him a look, now I was never going to hear the end of this.

Kevin was the quieter of the two and my impression was he was closer to Jason than Matthew was. From time to time he used to pass comments about Jason and I but they’d be so subtle that by the time I’d realize I would have lost the opportunity to answer back. The three of them worked out but of the three Kevin spent the most time at the gym and it showed. With his dark complexion and striking blue eyes, he possessed a natural charm that turned heads wherever he went. But beneath his calm demeanor, I sensed a certain sadness, a burden he carried. I had suspected for a while that Kevin might be gay, and I had shared my thoughts with Jason in a moment of candor. He confided in me that he had wondered the same, but if Kevin was indeed gay, it would be an uphill battle for him to come out.

Kevin came from a conservative Christian family, and he feared the potential consequences of revealing his true self. His mother might come round eventually, but his dad would more than likely kick him out of the house and the family. As much as most of our generation had grown up looking beyond whether one was gay or straight, the same couldn’t be said for the older generations. The church still had a strong hold on the small community and most people from older generations than ours pretty much followed what the bishop said blindly. In Malta, at the time, the population was predominantly Roman Catholic, and the church still held significant influence over the community and its views on homosexuality. Old laws, influenced by the church, had not been revised to reflect the changing social attitudes. Divorce was not available, abortion was illegal, and gay marriages were unheard of. If a gay couple moved in together, they would inevitably become the talk of the town for years.

I recalled a story my grandmother had once shared during a Christmas gathering a few years back. She mentioned a friend's grandson who was gay, and how his grandmother had sought guidance from the village chaplain. The chaplain had instructed her to do everything in her power to convince him to marry a woman, warning that his soul would be lost to the devil if he didn't. It was a stark reminder of the deeply ingrained beliefs and prejudices that still persisted among the older generations.

Understanding the challenges Kevin faced, I empathized with his reluctance to come out, especially given his family's strong religious convictions. It was a heavy burden to bear, and I hoped that one day, society would evolve further to accept and support individuals regardless of their sexual orientation. But for now, all we could do was be there for Kevin, offer him our friendship, and create a safe and inclusive space where he could be himself without fear of judgment or rejection.