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Chapter twenty three: Things I forgot on purpose
publish date:
2026-05-01 22:51:14
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HER: Secrets I carried alone Chapter Forty Seven: Then
I didn't sleep much that night.Every time I closed my eyes, my mind went back to him.Jay.It was strange how someone could be such a huge part of your life and then suddenly feel like someone you barely knew.A few months ago, I never had to question where I stood with him.I knew.I knew the way he smiled when he was trying not to laugh.I knew the way he would look at me when he thought I wasn't paying attention.I knew the little things he did without even realizing it.Now I found myself thinking about every conversation we had, every short reply, every moment where he seemed distant, trying to figure out when exactly things changed between us.Maybe that was why my mind kept going back.Because I missed the version of him I knew.The memory came slowly.I remembered that day.I remembered how nervous I had been, even though I tried not to show it.Jay always noticed things about me before I said them out loud."You know you don't have to be nervous around me, right?" he had sai
HER: Secrets I carried alone Chapter Forty six: Processing
I stared at the second test kit in my hand for what felt like forever. The result hadn't changed. The two pink lines remained there, staring back at me like they were mocking every attempt my brain was making to explain them away. My fingers tightened around the plastic stick as my chest rose and fell unevenly. This wasn't supposed to be happening. Not now. Not with him. A shaky breath escaped me as I looked between the two tests sitting on the bathroom counter. Both of them carried the exact same answer. Both of them were telling me the exact same thing. I was pregnant. The thought still didn't feel real. It felt like something that happened to other people. Something I read about in stories or heard about through whispered conversations between friends. Not me. I was supposed to be worrying about school. About my future. About why Jay had suddenly become so distant. Instead, I was sitting on a closed toilet seat with two positive pregnancy tests in front
HER: Secrets I carried alone Chapter Forty Five: Pregnant??
I decided to stop forcing things.That realization came quietly to me that morning while I stared at the ceiling with my blanket wrapped around my body. There was no dramatic moment attached to it. I just suddenly felt tired.Tired of trying to pull closeness out of people who were already drifting away from me.If Ella wanted space, I would give it to her.If Jay wanted distance, I wouldn't keep chasing after explanations that never came.People stay when they want to stay.That thought hurt more than I wanted it to.I rolled onto my back slowly and stared at the soft light coming through my curtains. My room felt unusually quiet. Almost too quiet.Part of me still felt guilty over Ella.Maybe grief really did change people. Maybe losing her dad affected her more deeply than I understood. She probably needed different people around her now. Lighter people. Happier people.People who didn't constantly carry emotional weight around with them.I couldn't even blame her properly.But Jay
HER: Secrets I carried alone Chapter Forty four: Am I losing everyone???
The rest of the day stayed in my head long after I got home.I dropped my bag by the door and went straight to my room, kicking off my shoes before falling onto the bed face first. My chest felt tight in a way I couldn't explain properly. Ella's voice kept replaying in my mind over and over again.Always trying to make everything about yourself.I turned onto my back slowly and stared at the ceiling.How did we even get here?A few weeks ago everything felt normal between us. We talked every day. We laughed over stupid things. We complained about lectures together. Somewhere along the line things changed and I still couldn't figure out when it started happening.I grabbed my phone from beside me.Nothing from Jay.I opened our chat anyway.The last thing I sent him was still there sitting alone under the blue seen mark.are you busy?No reply.I swallowed and locked the phone again before tossing it beside me.The silence around me started feeling louder than it should have.I got up
HER: Secrets I carried alone Chapter forty three: Change
I woke up with a feeling I hadn't had in a long time, like my chest wasn't already heavy before my thoughts even started moving. The morning light came in soft through my curtains, and for once it didn't feel irritating or loud. I just lay there for a moment, staring at the ceiling, letting the calm sit inside me because it felt strange enough to notice. Yesterday was still somewhere in my head, but it didn't press on me the way it used to. It felt like I could breathe without forcing it. The first thing I did was reach for my phone. Ella. I didn't even think twice before I pressed call. I just wanted to hear her voice, like that would make everything stay steady in me a little longer. I sat up slowly, holding the phone to my ear while it rang. It rang once, twice, then kept going longer than I expected. No answer.I pulled the phone away and stared at the screen, my brows pulling together without me trying. T
HER: Secrets I carried alone Chapter forty two: The voice I needed
"Dad."The word came out broken. I pressed my hand harder against my chest while trying to steady my breathing, but the tears kept coming anyway. For a second, there was silence on the other end of the line. Then his voice softened immediately."Anna? That was all it took.The concern in his voice hit me harder than everything else had. My eyes squeezed shut as another wave of tears slipped down my face. "Hey, talk to me," he said gently. "What's wrong?" I opened my mouth to answer, but nothing useful came out. Everything felt tangled.The memories.The apology.The panic.The loneliness. None of it made sense when I tried putting it into words."I'm okay," I whispered. The second the lie left my mouth, I heard him sigh. "No, you're not."I wiped quickly at my face, even though he couldn't see me. "I'm fine.""Anna." The way he said my name made my chest ache. Not
HER: Secrets I carried alone Chapter thirty four: Sorry wasn't enough
"What?" I looked at Ella in shock."He left me… he fucking left me," she cried, hot tears streaming down her face. I pulled her into a tight hug immediately, holding her like she might fall apart in my arms. I didn't know what to say because nothing I could think of felt big enoug
HER: Secrets I carried alone Chapter thirty three: Emergency
The next morning, I expected Ella to walk into class late like she usually did, complaining dramatically about how university was trying to kill her slowly. But she never showed up.At first I didn't think too deeply about it because Ella skipped classes sometimes, especially w
HER: Secrets I carried alone Chapter thirty two: Will he stay?
I stared at my phone after sending the message, my thumb hovering slightly over the screen. How about that date?The more I looked at it, the more unnecessary it started to feel. Maybe I only sent it because I needed a distraction. Maybe I just wanted something lighter to
HER: Secrets I carried alone Chapter thirty two: Will he stay?
I stared at my phone after sending the message, my thumb hovering slightly over the screen. How about that date?The more I looked at it, the more unnecessary it started to feel. Maybe I only sent it because I needed a distraction. Maybe I just wanted something lighter to
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