HER: Secrets I carried alone

All my life, I never knew things would turn out like this. Funny how everything can change in such a short time. But can you ever stop it from changing?

I never imagined I'd write this down in a book. Yet here I am. It's the only way to feel free of it. But anyway… let's get started, shall we?

My name is Anna, and this is my story.

"It's time for school, wake up!" my mum called. It was just me in the room that morning—my sister was already in college, and I was in grade 12. I got up and dressed in my usual uniform. I tried to do my hair, but it was one of those days where nothing seemed to cooperate. So I just tied it in a bun and headed out.

"Finally, she's here! Where's my book?" Bree said. Bree was my only friend in high school. I never liked being noticed much, so I preferred lurking in the shadow of someone else.

"It's right here," I said, handing her the book. Assembly was about to start, so we rushed downstairs together.

In class, I took my usual seat. Chemistry was first—probably the most boring subject I had ever encountered. But I had to pass, as usual. Not to brag, but I was among the top ten smartest students in my class, so keeping my streak going was non-negotiable.

Then someone walked in, and I turned to look. Of course… it was him. Who else did I expect?

Kelvin. He was a guy I'd been friends with back in grade 10, and we almost dated. But it was complicated. Back in grade nine, I was a playful, childish girl—everyone knew me that way, and they even mocked me for it. Yet Kelvin still had feelings for me. At the time, dating a guy had never crossed my mind. Anytime he tried to get close, I'd get irritated and push him away. Over time, he started noticing and kept his distance.

Fast forward to now, and I obviously had feelings for him. But it seemed his feelings had faded completely. I felt remorse, but what could I do?

"Why are you just strolling in now?" Mr. Cas asked. Kelvin tried to make an excuse, but Mr. Cas wasn't hearing it and sent him out. That didn't mean much to Kelvin, though; unlike me, he wasn't into studying. He was the kind of guy who came to school just so his parents wouldn't complain—classic last-born energy.

Chemistry class dragged on painfully, and I fought hard not to fall asleep. Being in the science class meant signing up for all the complicated subjects. I thought it was what I wanted—but now I know otherwise.

Growing up, life wasn't a bed of roses. I always thought, "I want to be a doctor or a nurse," but now I know that wasn't what I truly wanted. My mum wanted all of us to study "professional" courses, and what was more professional than science or law? I chose science because I was curious—but I also wanted to make her happy.

I always felt the need to impress my mum, to do whatever made her proud, often at the cost of ignoring what I actually wanted. My father wasn't a golden man—he was mostly absent. So when I write about my childhood, it's usually my mum who comes to mind.

She'd always tell us to steer clear of men, always saying, "Men are evil." I believed her, at least a little, because of my dad. But I wasn't that easy to control—I always needed someone of the opposite gender to talk to.

As a child, I experienced trauma, both emotional and physical—the kind of trauma your brain tries to erase because it's too horrid to bear. I started getting used to it, and it became hard to talk to my mum about things that were easy to talk about before. Yet I never struggled to socialize as a kid. That void of a father figure is when I met Stephen.

Stephen was a rebel—the literal definition of it. No one thought we'd date, because I was the quiet, nerdy type. But it's always the good girls who like the bad boys, right?