He is.... Not Him

People always say first love is meant to fail. Maybe they’re right. But they never tell you that even when it fails, it never really goes away. It stays with you, a constant hurt you get used to. I know all about that hurt.

For ten years, I’ve carried a man named Liam Thorne with me. Ten years. A whole decade, and his smile is still the first thing I see when I close my eyes.

Even now, surrounded by the noise of a busy Aethelburg street, I can still hear his voice—that happy, deep sound that always seemed to find me in a crowd. I can still remember what it was like to have him walk beside me, his presence feeling like a warm patch of sunlight in this gray city.

A stranger passes by, his jacket sleeve brushing my arm, and for a heart-stopping second, it feels like him. A leaf, brown and dry, blows across the pavement, and it looks as sad as I felt that day. The night air touches my face, and it brings it all back.

You’re everywhere, Liam Thorne. In everything I see, everything I hear, everything I feel. You’re the face I look for when I need comfort after a long day. You’re the jump in my chest when a soft rain starts to fall.

I can’t even remember when you became the only man who could turn my lonely, comfortable sadness into something that felt like a loyal friend. Why did it have to be you?

And why… when you introduced her to me that day, did I just know? I knew right away that every single memory I’d been holding onto, keeping safe like valuable treasures, meant nothing to you.

They were just normal days.

Maybe… yes. Maybe my first love was broken into little pieces that day. But deep, deep inside my heart, I’m still that fool, wanting you.

It was a beautiful morning. The kind that makes you believe in starting over. The sun was shining so brightly it felt like a gift, warming my skin and filling me with a happy feeling. It was the perfect day to start my new job at The Aethelgard Corporation.

Aethelgard is a big deal. Everyone in The Meridian Union knows it. A huge, successful conglomerate involved in everything from quantum tech to high fashion. It’s the kind of place people dream of working for, and that dream was finally coming true for me.

I dressed carefully, picking an outfit that I hoped looked ‘professional but capable.’ I put on my makeup lightly, checking my reflection in the mirror until it looked right. First impressions matter, especially when you’re the new assistant secretary.

I left early to avoid the rush hour crowd. The last thing I wanted was to be late on my very first day. I caught a mag-lev bus and found a seat by the window, watching the steel towers of Aethelburg blur by. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and smiled. I was ready for this perfect day.

I arrived at the Aethelgard Tower a full twenty minutes early. I straightened my clothes, fixed my lipstick, and put on my best confident smile before pushing through the large glass doors.

The inside was even more impressive than the pictures online. Everything was expensive, traditional, and quiet. It smelled like clean marble and expensive coffee. I was still staring at the huge crystal light fixture when a woman walked straight towards me.

She was tall, with sharp brown hair cut to her chin, and dressed in a strict black pantsuit. Her face was all business, and she moved with a smooth, serious vibe that made me stand up straighter.

“Miss Evelyn Sharpe?” she asked, her voice as sharp as her suit.

I nodded, maybe a little too fast. “Yes, that’s me.”

“I’m Victoria Sterling, Head Secretary to the CEO. I’ll be your direct manager.” She didn’t smile. “Follow me. I’ll take you to your desk and then introduce you to him.”

We walked towards the elevators, and she continued.

“A few things you should know,” she said, her eyes fixed on the elevator doors. “He has very specific tastes. He’s a workaholic. His manner is… serious. And he loves his cat, Duchess Isabella III.”

I blinked. The cat thing seemed to come out of nowhere. Duchess Isabella III? What kind of name was that for a cat?

“Well,” she continued, and her proper tone tightened with a slight annoyance. “He never asks anyone but me to feed his cat.”

When she said ‘but me,’ it sounded like a complaint she’d been holding in for years.

“He even brought her to my apartment in the middle of the night once when he had to leave for a business trip suddenly. And I’m allergic to cats,” she said, angry, her professional mask slipping for just a second. Her face turned red with the memory of it.

“Well… that does sound a little much,” I offered, trying to be nice.

My remark seemed to snap her back to reality. She cleared her throat, and the stern look was back.

“Ah. Yes. Well. I’m telling you this so you’re ready.” She looked uncomfortable, embarrassed for having complained to a stranger.

“It’s fine,” I said with a smile. I had a feeling that underneath the tough exterior, Victoria Sterling and I could be friends.

She gave me an unsure look but finally smiled back. It was a small, rare thing.

Just then, the elevator door pinged open.

A man stood inside, dressed in a perfectly fitted black office suit. He was looking down at his phone, but as the doors opened, he lifted his head and his eyes landed on me.

And my entire world stopped.

His shape, his eyes, his face—it was all frighteningly familiar. My mind went blank, throwing a decade’s worth of memories at me all at once. Our first meeting. His silly jokes. His smile. The way he called my name. The way he looked at me.

The face of the man I wanted was right in front of me.

“Miss Sharpe, this is—” Victoria began, but her voice was just noise in my ears.

I didn’t think. I just moved. I turned around and almost ran, my heels clicking a fast rhythm on the shiny marble floor. My eyes were already blurring with stupid, hot tears.

Victoria Sterling and the man were shocked by my sudden escape. They were speechless as they stared at the door I just went through.

"Sir..." Victoria approached the man after pulling herself together.

"What's the matter?" The CEO asked in his usual cold and serious deep voice.

Victoria smiled stiffly, unsure how to answer him because she had no idea. She really didn't.

As the two of them left confused, I stormed away, just anywhere. I missed him so much it was a physical pain, but I had no idea what to do or say. I couldn’t let him see me like this—a mess on my first day. So I ran.

I didn’t stop until I found an empty balcony on another floor, gasping for air as I leaned against the cold railing. I cursed myself.

Why did I have to run? Why couldn’t I have been cool? I should have just said hello. It’s been ten years. He probably didn’t even recognize me.

I wiped my tears away angrily. This was ridiculous. What was I going to do? I was going to work in the same building as my first love. I couldn’t keep running every time I saw him.

The memory of that day, the day it all ended, washed over me.