May nagbabadyang sanhi ng aking kamatayan at hindi ko alam kung saan ito nagmula. I tried to run but I noticed that I'm not even moving from my position.
Saan ba talaga ako tutungo? Hanggang saan nga ba ang kaya ko?
The moment of silence was slowly making me crazy. Dahil minsan ay nagsisilbing palatandaan ng gulo at disgrasya ang katahimikan.
I was busy running for my life when the surface started swallowing my feet. May kamay na humawak sa aking binti at tinutulungan ang kadiliman na ako'y lamunin. I tried to reach the unknown surface but the darkness kept on dragging me down.
One last time, I screamed, begging the darkness to let me go.
I closed my eyes tightly. Inihanda ko ang sarili para sa susunod na makikita kapag binuksan ko ang mga mata ngunit iba ang sumalubong sa akin nang magmulat ako.
Tumama ang aking paningin sa pamilyar na kisame. May tumawag pa sa aking pangalan ngunit nalunod lang ako sa pag-iisip kung paano ako napunta rito. Sinagip ba ako ng kadiliman?
"Eve?" At that moment I was able to move, I got up and a pair of hands helped me. I moved a bit away, scared that they might hurt me. I can still feel my heartbeat and until now it drives me crazy. "Daughter, it's me." The wind blew me away. I was relieved to see Mama's face. I was sweating and I wiped it off using the back of my hand.
"What am I doing here? How did I get here?" I asked using a low tone. I looked at her with disgust in my eyes. She always acts like this, my parents pretend to be nice when other people are around. I don’t get her.
"You'll see." Mom held my hand tightly. I looked at the door of my room when it opened then Papa walked inside but he was not alone. At his back, there's an unfamiliar figure of a man standing. I bit my lower, I see the reason now why my parents are acting and finally embracing their role as my guardian.
Pinasadahan ko itong mabuti, mapula ang kanyang labi, maputi ang balat, may katangkaran at ang mas kasabik-sabik na titigan sa kaniya ay ang kulay lupa nitong mata.
"You should eat, sigurado akong pagod ka." Papa placed the tray beside me while Mama's was busy wiping me with a towel. I rolled my eyes and silently scoffed.
"Sa tingin ko, may dapat kayong pag-usapan." Dad said. I didn't answer him and just nodded. I tried not to reveal my discomfort. His presence brothers me.
Matapos nila akong panooring kumain ay lumabas na sila sa aking kwarto. Leaving me behind with a familiar man.
"Hey."
His voice gives me chills, it was soothing and relaxing but I can’t deny the fear I felt. How did my parents manage to let him into my room? This guy can kill me. He sure does look like a God but looks can be deceiving sometimes.
"Who are you?" I looked at my hand. It was trembling and sweating.
He sat on the nearby couch beside my bed, there he crossed his arm along with his legs. "I'm the one who you bump with." He began to spit information . "Don't you remember anything? You passed out after asking for my help."
Matunog akong napasinghap. Doon ko na lang napagtanto ang lahat. I was being chased by a group of friends. Mas tumindi ang pag-aalala ko sa sarili, hindi ko alam kung anong pakay nila sa akin. Nalipat ang tingin ko sa lalaking aking kaharap. Maybe without him, I'm dead.
"Those kids are high school students, they just want to give something back to you."
My eyebrows met. "What? How can you be so sure?" My tone of voice rose up. "They could have killed me if I hadn't just run!” I yelled defending my perspective.
"Wait, listen to me first," he interrupted using a baritone voice. My lips parted but I immediately pressed them back. One wrong move, he’ll explode, maybe? Or I’m the one who is assuming things. I overthink too much.
"Your phone fell and they just wanted to give it back."
Lumipat ang tingin ko sa katabing cabinet kung saan nakapatong ang cellphone kong basag na ang screen. Napayuko ako at nakagat ang ibabang labi.
"Thank you," I said while embracing my uneasiness.
"I hope you're fine, I can't afford to watch another lady enduring her pain."
His one finger pointed something right beside my bed. My gaze shifted to the adjacent cabinet where my cellphone was sitting with a cracked screen. My head faced the bedsheets and bit my lower lip. I began accepting my mistakes as I collided with embarrassment.
I’m a paranoid person, I should’ve thought of my condition. I tend to panic whether I felt threatened or got triggered with an act that I think would kill me. "Thank you," I said while embracing my uneasiness.
"I hope you're fine, I can't afford to watch another lady enduring her pain."What does he mean by that ? I was about to ask more questions but suddenly he stood up. He didn't even bother to say goodbye and just twisted the door knob before going outside.
I was frustrated. Did he really help me? My eyes scanned my bedroom door, hoping that he’ll come back and spill more information. He explained to me faster than I expected, my mind couldn’t absorb everything. All I know is that he’s the one who assisted me until I got home.
I spent my remaining time thinking about what happened. I haven't slept yet, thankfully my parents haven't bothered me anymore. They were nice because someone was around. The next day, as expected they treated me differently.
I went to Lyndsey’s luxurious condominium and there I was welcomed by my bandmates. As always, they were busy cleaning instruments. Lyndsey gave me a tight hug before lending a latte.
"What time are we playing again for later?" Devika asked. She was holding her phone while walking back and forth.
"Nine o'clock, why are you even asking? I already told you." Ivory's voice was full of curiosity. "No, Adiel sent me a text message, he's asking about our gig," Devika replied. Napaangat ang ulo ko at saka tinaasan siya ng kilay. Nang makita iyon ay umikot ang mata niya.
She shrugged her shoulders.
A smile escaped from my lips that made my friends become furious, I just let out a sigh, attempting to understand them.
"You're not the reason they're going," Ivory said to me. They knew how much I like Adiel, too bad we don’t share the same feelings. "Don't be ridiculous, Eve. I just don't want you to get hurt."
"I'm sorry,” I stated.
Isa iyon sa mga personalidad na nagustuhan ko kay Ivory, ang pagiging straight forward nito at pagiging tapat. Hindi siya takot na magsabi ng totoo at magpahayag ng opinyon, malakas din ang loob niyang umapila sa mga bagay na iba ang pananaw niya.
I heavily sighed. She has a point. No, erase that. She's right. Hindi ko lang talaga maiwasan mag-isip nang baliktad. Bukod sa umaasa ako, It's just that I want to think positive. I'm trying my best not to trigger my thoughts.
They push me to confess my feelings to Adiel but I don’t know if I’m ready for his response. On top of that, I also tried to admit it , a few times? I couldn’t even count how many trials I’ve made. In the end, I’ll always turn to something else or switch my attention to other things due to my intense nervousness.
“Hey, guys, Can I substitute for later?” Ivory’s forehead creased when I spoke. “I mean. I’ll sing. Please?”
“Eveone, if you’re doing this to impress Adiel, then cut that shit of yours out. We all know that it’s not going to work!”
My shoulders went down as my excitement slowly disappeared. “Ivory, easy. You’ll trigger her,” Collete suppressed a small smile at me while patting Ivory’s head. “It’s fine. She can sing.”
“Nevermind..” I almost stuttered. “I don’t wanna sing, maybe next time,” a weak smile appeared on my face. I continued playing with my guitar as I heard them sighed before silently scolding Ivory for being harsh.
At seven o'clock the bar opens. We went in earlier because we still needed to rehearse. I greeted some staff and service crew and went inside our room. We’ve been doing this since we were in our second-year highschool yet everything feels surreal.
"Fifteen minutes, girls!" Kumatok sa pintong nakabukas si Sir Robie. Tumango kami at sinimulan ang pag-ha-harmonize. Ilang segundo pa't umakyat na kami sa stage.
"Let's all welcome, Diamonds."
Nilibot ko ang paningin, hinahanap ang taong matagal ko nang gustong makita.
It seems that everyone wants to kill me. Mabuti na lang ay kumaway sa akin si Sara, doon pala sila nakaupo sa pangalawang linya ng lamesa malapit sa gilid. Mula sa kinaroroonan nila'y natatanaw ko si Adiel, kumaway rin ito sa akin at saka ngumiti.
There he is, the man whom I always wanted to be mine but never had a chance.
Si Devika ang unang kakanta ngayon habang magsisilbing second voice o backing vocals naman si Collete.
"Natapos ko itong isulat kahapon lang, sana magustuhan niyo," panimula ni Devika. Devika held the microphone tightly. The song she wrote is titled ‘Still You’.
Hinintay namin matapos si Eleanor sa pagtapik ng drumstick bago sinimulan ang intro. We waited for Eleanor to finish tapping her drumstick before starting the intro. Devika sang her heart out, it seems like she’s dedicating this song to someone that once became part of her life.
Time passed and again they chose a person to suggest a song, I didn't pay attention to that anymore and found out that it was better to look at Adiel's eyes. But unluckily, he was occupied laughing with his friends and the next thing that happened surprised me the most. He raised his hand making Collete fix her gaze on their table.
"Can you sing one of your sweet songs? Please, dedicate it to Sara." At the same time, he pointed to Sara who was sitting beside him. I heard the audience tease them as I grinned bitterly. Right, how could I get him when he’s already courting someone who’s much better. "And also , I want Eveone to sing for us."
Nag-aalalang lumingon sa akin si Collete, isang tango lang ang tugon ko sa kaniya. I know she wouldn't want to do this, her eyes was telling me to refuse.
"Alright." Umakyat itong muli sa stage.
Si Ivory naman ngayon ang mag-le-lead ng kanta, kinuha niya sa gilid ang gitara at saka pumuwesto malapit sa tabi ko. Ivory started strumming while I'm secretly preparing. She was also giving me soft whispers.
"Relax, Eve."
Naging handa ako sa pagkanta ng unang verse. Mas pinili ko na lang na pumikit nang sa gano'n ay maiwasan ko silang masipatan at para na rin hindi masindak ang sistema ko.
I sang the first verse, choosing to close my eyes so that I could avoid being scolded and so that my system would not be stunned. When I came back from my sight, my eyes spontaneously hit Adiel who now had his lips pressed to Sara's. My lips parted after what I saw, I just stood straight and forgot that I'm performing.
"Eveone, ano bang ginagawa mo?!" sambit ni Ivory, patuloy pa rin ito sa pag-strum. Nakita ko pang natigilan si Adiel marahil ay napansin nilang tumigil ako sa pagkanta.
I can't focus anymore, suddenly I felt scared towards Ivory. Before I could even walk out of the stage, we heard a singing voice from behind. It was cold voice yet smooth
Ivory and I both deviated our gaze and fixed it behind me. A man was holding the microphone and was currently combing his hair back with his own hand. A charming face and a familiar figure pinned my heart.
Devika smirked and gave me a thumbs up. Ivory just shook her and chose to smile widely, thankful that the man I was facing saved our performance.It stepped closer to me. My foot seemed to be glued to the stage and I really couldn't move.
"Eveone-"
Humakbang ito palapit sa akin. Tila nilagyan ng pandikit ang paa ko sa stage at talaga namang hindi ako makagalaw dahil batid kong nakikita nila na sa akin nakapako ang paningin niya.
But their stares didn't bother me that much when he smiled at me. Telling me that everything's gonna be alright. Malamig ang timbre ng kanyang boses. Hindi pilit at walang kahirap-hirap na kinakanta ang lyrics. I almost shut my eyes tightly when some random girls started to cheer for him from the audience.
Nang matapos ang unang chorus, huminga muna ako nang malalim. Muntik pa akong mapatalon sa gulat nang mas lumapit pa ito sa akin. He whispered something that diverted my attention.
"Don't look at them, Eve. Just stare at my eyes."
Ngumisi siya, tila kandila ako na tinunaw. Inginuso niya ang mikropono saka ko na lang naalala na malapit na pala ang susunod na lyrics, narinig ko pa itong mahinang tumawa.
Natiklom ang palad ako.
Natapos ang gig nang hindi ako lumilingon sa gilid. Sa harap lang ang mata ko upang maiwasan ko ang pagiging balisa. May parte sa akin na nagustuhan ang presensya ng lalaking katabi ko hindi tulad noong una naming pag-uusap, somehow he helped me calmed down.
"Salamat sa pagpunta!" Ngumiti si Collete kila Adiel na ngayon ay nagpapaalam na sa amin.
"Next week ulit, kung hindi masyadong busy." Magsisimula na ng aming klase sa lunes, kada-sabado naman ang schedule ng gig namin. Unang linggo pa lang naman, siguradong hindi magiging mabigat sa oras.
"Thank you rin pala Eveone, wala ka pa rin talagang kupas," bati ni Adiel sa akin. I gave them a small smile until I noticed Adiel's hand was slowly sneaking around his girlfriend's waist.
"Sige, ingat kayo, ha!"
"All right, be careful! Drive safely," Colette interrupted. I felt my bandmates beside me. A warm hand held my hand and pressed it lightly, when I took a glimpse of who was the owner of it, a comforting eyes of Ivory flavoured me.
Hindi ako nakatiis pa't naglakad ako papasok sa bar. Hanggang doon na lang sana ang lahat, sana ay wala nang susunod pang ikakasakit ng damdamin ko.
I went into a small room that was reserved for us and sat on the couch. Dinukot ko sa bulsa ang cassette, isinalpak ko sa magkabilang tainga ang earphone at saka ipinikit ang mata. Maraming ganito sa bahay nila Collete, ang iilang cassette ay nanggaling pa sa kanyang lolo. The first time I held one, I decided to listen to it more than playing from my phone.
Tumugtog ang isinulat kong kantang may pamagat na Sandalan.
Nasa gitna na ako ng karagatan nang may humugot ng isang parte ng earphone, natagpuan ko na lamang ang isang estrangherong sinamahan ako sa entablado kanina na nakikinig din sa kanta. Naglakbay ang kaba sa buong sistema ko, sinubukan ko itong bawiin ngunit pilit ako nitong hinaharangan gamit ang kanyang braso.
"Ano ba? Give it back!" Hindi ko rin maaaring hilain ang earphones nang basta na lang, baka masira pa 'to.
"Let me listen, please."
Eventually, I moved away a bit, preventing myself to stick with him. Kahit pa ay iniligtas niya ako, maaari niya pa rin akong saktan kung gugustuhin niya. I can't risk myself.
"Pwede ba akong makahingi ng kopya nito?" sabi niya nang matapos ang kanta.
"Bakit?"
Natawa siya. "Gusto ko pang mapakinggan." Napaiwas ako ng tingin bago tinanggal ang earphone.
"Sa'yo na." I placed the cassette above his thigh. He looks surprised because of what I did.
"Tatlo ang kopya ko n'yan." Napasandal akong muli sa sofa.
"At oo, ikaw ang unang nakarinig."
Mali ako sa inaaakalang magiging magaang lang ang simula namin sa college dahil sa pangalawang linggo pa lamang ay binigyan na kami ng gawain. Kailangan pa naming i-cancel ang gig noong sabado para lamang magawa at makapag-submit. Dahil nga sa sobrang busy ay nagpasya muna kaming mag-post ng isang cover sa aming page at YouTube channel upang makabawi."Arat, night club?" aya ni Devika. "Relax muna tayo, wala namang masama sa pag-e-enjoy kahit saglit.""Dito na lang kami, may tatapusin pa akong kanta," sagot ni Eleanor."Collete, ano sasama ka?"Colette shrugged her shoulders. "Why not? Maiwan na lang sila dito, saglit lang naman tayo.""Ikaw, Eve? Sasama raw sila Adiel." Lumipat ang atensyon sa akin ni Devika.Naibaba ko ang ballpen na hawak matapos marinig iyon. "Totoo?""Oo nga!"Napatingin ako sa kisame at sinimulan ang paggawa ng desisyon. Marami pa akong gagawin at magsusulat p
Chapter4 I recoiled as my forehead started to gain cold sweat. I also felt a lump inside my throat preventing me from freeing my agony. Suddenly, all the sacrifices I made for him became radiant in my mind and the happy memories with him slowly altered. Hindi ko na mahanap pa ang saya at tanging pighati ang kumakatawan sa akin. I was staring at the door of the cubicle. Should I wait for them to come out?But why should I wait for them to finish? Mas lalo lang akong masasaktan. “Saglit lang naman ‘to, I can endure it,” I whispered to myself, being a fool again. “Matatapos din ‘to. The pain will fade..” Para akong asong naghihintay sa kanyang amo. Waiting for the moment when it’s my time to receive a treat no matter how long the time escapes, even if I have a rival to his heart. Bigla na lamang bumukas ang katabing cubicle at iniluwa no'n ang lalaking nagligtas sa akin na abala sa pag-bubutones ng kanyang polo.
Chapter 05 "Bakit nakasimangot ka, Eve?" I rolled my eyes and snorted, making Eleanor chuckle. I thought everything would be alright after the embarrassment I made. I thought buying him lunch would ease the awkwardness between us and would lessen the debt I have committed. But seeing him here, inside the fast food chain sitting in front of a girl, eating and ignoring the paperbag beside him which was the lunch I bought created madness of thunder. "Tangina niyo," usal ko at saka sumubo ng fries. Add the fact that he said that Adiel would never appreciate my efforts. All I could feel right now was anger. How could he say something offending? Hindi niya ba iniisip ang kalagayan ko? I have paranoia at the same time, I am secretly loving my boy bestfriend. “May problema ba?” Colette pressed her body on mine. I groaned. “I’ve just wasted my money, I should’ve kept it.” “Oh, I thought it’s about a guy.”
Hindi ka dapat magpatalo sa kalungkutan. It can kill you inside. At kapag tuluyan ka na nitong sinakop, mahihirapan ka ng maging malaya muli. Tinignan ko ang lalaking kasabay ko sa paglalakad. He has soft features and can tease or laugh at me the whole day. But who wouldn't though that he hides enigmas.It must be so hard to fight. Tunay ngang hindi lahat ng masaya sa paningin mo ay masaya hanggang sa pag-uwi nila.He was there, he was always saving me from my fear but he was also there, finding someone who'll help him escape his cruel sadness.Sinong mag-aakalang ang isang katulad niya ay nakakaramdam ng lungkot?"Where do you want to eat?" He asked, I didn't answer instead I remained staring at him. Naglalaro sa utak ko kung paano niya nagawang maka-survive. Siya na rin mismo ang nagsabi, unti-unti na niyang natatanggap ang lahat ng mga nangyari ngunit hindi pa rin naman mawawala ang alaala na iyon, nasasaktan pa rin siya.
Maaga akong nagising at hindi ito ang nakasanayan ko. Natagpuan ko na lamang ang sarili na nag-set ng alarm bago matulog. At pagmulat ko pa lang, siya kaagad ang pumasok sa isip ko. It's my fault, bakit ko pa kasi sinabi iyon? Kahit pa ay sabihin niyang naka-move on na siya ay hindi ako naniniwala. I can still see his pain, the longing he was hiding for a long time. He is not fully healed.Napatingin ako sa kabuuan ng kaniyang kwarto. Nakapatong sa cabinet ang picture niya kasama ang isang magandang babae, nasa beach sila at masayang nakatingin sa isa't isa. Mayro'n ding malaking frame na nakasabit sa dingding at lahat iyon ay naglalaman ng litrato. Lahat iyon ay litrato ng iisang babae.Maputi ito, singkit ang mga mata at mapupulang labi. Sa unang tingin ay masasabi ko nang siya nga babaeng minahal ni Xavion ng halos dalawang taon. She looks soft, the opposite of the girls he played.Ala-sais pa lang ng umaga kaya aingat kong sinar
Chapter 08"Feeling better?"Inalalayan ako nito mula sa paglabas sa kanyang kotse. I only responded with a nod due to the embarrassment I felt earlier. I faced the crowd with him, I faced my fear. Ayaw na ayaw kong nakakakuha ng atensyon mula sa nakararami. I feel like they are judging my life.Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala sa nangyari. Hindi lamang kami ang naroon, maraming tao ang nanood kung paano niya ako pakalmahin. Mabuti sana kung ang mga kaibigan ko lang ang kasama kong tumugtog kanina pero hindi. He was there. He became my partner.Iniwasan kong magtagpo ang paningin namin. My cheeks was burning. Nang dahil sa simpleng kilos na iyon, napaulanan kami ng tukso. The tension between us decreased but it formed an awkward atmosphere around us."Bakit hindi ka nagpaalam sa akin?"Naramdaman ko ang pagsandal nito sa pinto ng kotse. He was pertaining to what I did earlier, I left
Chapter 9"Kumain ka na." Inilapag niya sa harap ko ang plato. Amoy na amoy ko ang niluto niyang tinola. He did know how to cook well, he impressed me again. I didn’t even hear him complaining, it seemed like he loved what he was doing and I am glad that I was able to watch him taking care of me.Hindi ako umimik at tumango lang. Kinakahiya ko ang sarili. Kahit pa noong pumasok muli kami sa bahay ay walang nagtangkang magsalita, tila pinakikiramdaman namin ang isa't isa. I told him to stay, he did yet the awkwardness we had before returned. The invisible barrier between us just weakened but never shattered."Are you free tomorrow?" he asked. Napaawang ang labi ko. Is this deja vu? I gulped before giving him a nod. "Yes, I guess."I wanted to ask him why but i
Chapter 10Nang magising ay naramdaman ko na ang mabigat na bagay na nakapulupot sa baywang ko. Nagmulat ako ng mata at napaawang ang labi ko nang masilayan ang dibdib ni Xavion. His warm arm was embracing me tightly. It seemed like he doesn't want to let me go. Pag-angat ko ng tingin ay mas lalo lamang akong na-enganyo. Hindi ko na ikakaila pang nakakahatak talaga ng pansin ang kanyang itsura.Tumaas ang kilay ko. Sa aking pagkakatanda, natulog kaming baliktaran ng higa. Wala namang kaso kung matutulog kami sa iisang bubong, but do we have to sleep beside each other? Tapos nakayapos pa ito sa akin. Napailing na lamang ako.Maingat kong tinanggal ang kanyang braso at saka umupo. Maliwanag na kaya naman komportable na akong kumilos. Dumiretso ako sa taas upang maghilamos pagkatapos ay bumaba muli at simulan ang