Five Years Of Hell

He had lost control and almost blew it.

Thankfully, when they all were in his office, everything returned to ‘normal’ as normal as they could be. Kian couldn’t help it. The moment that Raina saw Mia, he knew she would start getting cold feet. He predicted it the moment his eyes laid upon Mia when Elder Richmond, Elder Samson, and Elder Luca came into his office while he and Sebastian were discussing rogues and how they could make it more welcoming.

He saw the mental battle waging in Raina’s brain. He saw it in her awkward, uncomfortable mannerisms. He saw the split seconds of pain that seeped into the cracks of her hardened exterior. If he hadn’t been looking so closely, he never would’ve guessed it affected her, but he knew better.

Then Mia had kissed him and it really shouldn’t have shocked him. Mia hadn’t taken it well when he broke up with her. He honestly didn’t expect her to. They had been together for years and he had made promises to her that he couldn’t keep anymore.

When she left, it had been for the best. He never wanted to hurt her and he had hoped that she had found her happiness out there, because he couldn’t deny it that there was a part of him that loved her still. She was his first love. He had given her all his firsts and she had too.

Those three years a part taught him that he could live without her. It taught him that it wasn’t what his parents now had with their fated mates. As much as he loved and cared for her, that chapter of his life was fully over with.

But Raina was pulling away and trying to find an escape, giving into her fears and insecurities. Alarm bells and red flags sounded in his mind like hairs on his neck standing up. She was too much of a flight risk not to do something extreme.

So he kissed her and his entire world was blown. He forgot where they were. He forget that they were in the middle of the hallway in a crowded pack house, where anyone could see them. He forgot that he was supposed to pretend that he didn’t know she was his fated mate. He forgot all of his carefully laid out plans… and he would’ve have claimed and fucked her right against the damn wall if he hadn’t started realizing himself and his surroundings.

Even then, when she looked like that after being kissed so thoroughly and her body betraying her desires, it was so hard to fully pull away and act accordingly. She had been so fucking responsive and ready for him.

“You’re not going to last long if you keep doing that,” Sebastian chuckled when Raina rushed off the moment she was allowed to.

When had his Beta become a scared little rabbit? Probably when the big bad wolf made himself known to her. In most cases, when fated mates found each other, it would be almost impossible to keep away from each other. Then the modern time hit and most females nowadays, especially ones that weren’t trying to attract a mate or a companion, used scent suppressants. He also found out even if he already suspected that Raina took contraceptives so she would be out of action for awhile. They needed to wait until Raina’s natural cycle kicked in.

How was he supposed to keep away from her that long? He just found late last night and he had claimed and breed her in the hallway this afternoon.

Kian groaned. “I didn’t mean for that to happen.”

He was still seated behind his desk, because he didn’t trust himself to be anywhere near Raina at the moment. His body had a mind of its own when she was right there. Now that he knew, his instinct was to be with her.

“Oh, but it did,” he pointed out, leaning against the wall. “I’m all for you convincing her that this is genuine. But how is that not genuine what you just did? You almost fucked and claimed your mate in public where everyone could see.”

“I know, but she’s still going to think that it’s because I’m trying to breed her for an heir.”

Sebastian sighed, nodding his head. “Well, you got your work cut out for you.”

There was a few knocks on the door and he knew Raina’s sister was right on time. Sebastian walked over to the closed door and opened it. Sterling walked in with her head held up high, carrying a padfolio. Her cat-eye glasses sat perched on a familiar nose as she looked directly into his eyes. Instead of her sister’s classic French braid, she wore hers in a high ponytail. Kian nodded his head and Sterling sat down in a chair while Sebastian closed the door.

He didn’t want anyone to know what was going to be said in this room. This would be between the three of them. He just hoped that Sterling would be an alley in this. He had a good feeling she would be, but word had to be getting around that Mia had returned.

“Thank you for coming,” he said to her. She gave him a curt nod. “Something has come to my attention that I need you to clarify it.”

Sterling frowned in confusion. “It depends on what you need clarified.”

He continued to stare openly at her and was happy when she didn’t flinch or shrink back. She continued to stare back. He smirked at the observation. She wouldn’t bend. He liked that, just like her sister. They both had the same strong willed backbone. He glanced down at the laptop that had the surveillance footage he had saved into his personal files. He clicked play to start the video and then pushed the laptop around so the screen faced her.

Her eyes widened in realization at what was being shown. Her mouth dropped slightly and her hands got a little sweaty as she gripped the padfolio against her chest. Her eyes continued to stare at the screen until the video footage stopped. She swallowed thickly before her eyes flicked to his.

“What exactly do you need me to clarify?” she asked softly in slight defeat.

He tilted his head to the side, watching her carefully. “How long has she known that I’m her fated mate?”

She paused for a moment. Hesitating as she observed him until she finally sighed. Those same cognac eyes stared in him as she delivered her answer.

“Since she turned eighteen.”

It was quiet for a moment. In his mind, he calculated how long she had suffered and the realization broke him.

He cursed, slamming his fist down hard on his desk. A crack appeared, splintering wood as chunks of it went flying. She had known for eight fucking years. Tears filled his eyes as rage burned through his veins like fire igniting. She had suffered that long? He had been with Mia until he turned twenty five years old. She suffered for five years with him being with Mia. She had five years to poison herself with insecurities, doubts, and pain. She suffered five years while trying desperately to become his Beta. How in the world did she manage to train as hard as she had while suffering as much as she did?

Tears filled cognac eyes and he looked away, because they looked like hers and what they could’ve looked like when the pain became too much. He had watched both sister breakdown in the footage. Raina had always been so strong and to see her break like that over him… it shattered him.

How did she not die from heartbreak? Sure, she was given three years of reprieve, but it still didn’t make it any better.

“Kian,” Sebastian whispered.

Kian shook his head to silence him. “How did she survive that?”

“Some moments, I thought… I thought she wouldn’t,” she told him honestly. “Her chest and body were covered with bruises. I-I tried to help her with what I could. I gave her healing remedies and creams, but she…” she broke off. Tears escaped down her cheeks. “She-She would curl up in a fetal position with a wooden spoon between her teeth to keep herself from screaming out in pain. Her body would contort and twist. I… I thought she was going to die.”

Tears fell down his cheeks, unable to stop the raw emotions from taking hold. He could’ve killed his own fated mate and he’d never know. He would’ve never known the truth. He glanced over at Sebastian who was brushing his own tears away. Raina had become a part of their family — a trusted member in their small little circle.

He covered his face with his hands with his elbows on his desk and just cried. He knew it was going to be bad, judging by the way she reacted to him. It was uncharacteristic to how she usually was, but he started noticing things about her that he hadn’t before.

“I’m going to make it up to her somehow,” he finally promised Sterling as he forced himself to look straight at his fated mate’s sister and Sterling’s eyes widened in shock before joy transformed her entire face.

He wasn’t even upset that she rushed around his desk and launched herself at him, embracing him tightly in a bear hug. Instead of crying sad tears, she was crying tears of joy. Her murmurs of appreciation caused him to breakdown again and he held her close thankful that she wasn’t trying to murder him.

“I’m going to need your help, Sterling,” he whispered to her. “You know your sister isn’t going to believe that I want to be with her for real. She’s going to think I’m just doing this for an heir, the good of the pack, and the Elder Council.”

Sterling nodded, choking on her emotions. “She’s so stubborn like that.”

“Will you help me?” he asked her. “Can you keep this a secret that I know?”

“As long as you promise to make her happy. She deserves to be happy after everything she went through.”

He could only nod his head, because he was too overwhelmed by the emotions pumping through his veins. He wanted to promise Sterling he’d give Raina the moon, the stars, and the entire world to make her happy.