I am at the woods, training my self. I've been training for years and my skills in the battlefield remain the same. Expectations from others really makes me feel insecure.
As the moon became very visible in the night skies I heard some howls from my fellow werewolves. I'm so sure that I'm alone awhile ago. Napakunot naman ang nuo ko as I slowly follow the direction where I heard it. The howling only last for a minute.
I slowly heard the voices and as I walked closer, it becames louder and louder. There's no source of light other than the light that the moon emits.
"What about that omega? What are we going to do with her?" It's a male's voice talking. Who are they talking about? All I know is that all werewolves here have a bond as tight as a knot. I'm not good at fighting but one of my special skills is hiding. Father said it's the least thing I could do to save myself and mother said it's the least thing I can contribute in case if something might happen.
"She's weak. What's her use to this plan? " I heard a female voice. I tried to peek to see who they might be. There voices sounds familiar.
"Who knows? What if she's actually strong and just hiding it? Her kindness scares me." I see Alpha Loren. He's one of my father's aquaintance. I can't seem to get what are they talking about.
"She's weak, dumb and obviously useless. We can even lure her to join us." Jaime, an omega. The last time I checked he's part of my circle of friends.
"I'm assigning you to handle her. Seems like you two are in a relationship. It's up to you if you'll manipulate her to join us or not." Loren said to Jaime.
I got out of that place. One thing is for sure, they are planning something. I can't let them caught me evesdropping.
I came home trying to solve the puzzle in my head. Loren is a male Alpha who's somehow related to father. I enter my room still in dazed.
Tomorrow, magkikita kami nila Jaime. It's a general training for werewolves who ranked as omegas so I'll be able to see him. I don't know how should I approached him because normally I'm always nice and kind to him and others.
Loren and father were a big foe of each other way back. Currently they don't seem to have that kind of relationship anymore. They are casual with each other but they don't have anything or any reason to fight now. I guess?
I also saw my mother's friends there. The brother of my father's ex-lover. If I'll connect the dots almost all of them shares a not-so-good past with my family.
I'll figure it out first before I'll share it to father. I don't want to give false accusations. Be rational and prove a point.
Natulog ako ng may mga tanong pa rin sa isip ko.
•••
"Let me out."
"Here me out"
These words keep on repeating. I can't see anything other than my own reflection. What's going on?
"I am you." I jumped as I see my own reflection said that. Im facing at myself infront of a big mirror. She smiled so widely that makes me take a step back.
"But you are not me." She said and her clothes changed but mines didn't.
I walked backwards as she is trying to pull me towards her. I screamed at top of my lungs. I heard her laugh out loud then shouts louder than me.
•••
Bumangon ako habang humihingal. I touched my head because it hurts so much.
"What happened?" My brother asked. I didn't even notice that he entered my room.
"Why are you screaming so loud?! I thought something happened to you." Mother said while looking at me intently. I also didn't notice her.
Natulala ako saglit. Hindi ko na maalala yong panaginip ko. I'm so sure that I screamed because of that dream but I couldn't decipher what it's all about. I just smile at them weakly.
"Nothing mother. Maybe it's because of the tiredness I felt due to excessive training." I softly said. My mother nod at my response.
"Rest well and take good care of yourself. I need to go now. May mga gagawin pa ako and your father said he's going to train you. Talk to him about that." She said and got out of the room. I'm left with my brother.
"Did you overtrained yourself again?" He seriously asked.
"I told you to stop those dangerous trainings. You've been repeating that training cycle for years and--" I cut him off.
"And I didn't even improved. I know that already but what do you want me to do then? That's the least thing I can do for myself. It satisfies me, okay? The pain satisfied me." I'm not mad or whatsoever. I didn't even raised my voice. He inhale and exhale aggressively.
"We are going to have a dinner tomorrow. I'm inviting a special guest so rest and get yourself together." He said without any hint of emotion in his voice. Iniba nya ang usapan.
When he got out of my room, I take a shower. These hierarchy ranks makes me sick. Minsan nagdududa na nga ako kung kabilang nga ba talaga ako sa pamilyang to. They are all great. Saling-pusa lang yata ako sa pamilyang to.
Today is the general training for omegas. That means I'm going to meet Jaime too. Naglakad na ako papunta sa lugar kung saan kami magte-training. I don't even know what to expect. Marunong akong makipaglaban in human and wolf form pero hindi ako magaling.
Pagkarating ko sa lugar ay agad naman nagsimula kaya wala na akong ibang oras para makipag-usap pa sa mga kakilala ko. After the training, that's where I got the time to talk to my friends.
"That was easy" Jaime said. He's acting the same so maybe I should act the same as well.
"No it's not! I'm so exhausted." Karla said. The general training includes training in human and wolf form. It was indeed exhausting but not as exhausting as my daily training.
"Siguro namali lang ako ng katawan na napuntahan. Hindi ko talaga keri yong training-training na to. Dapat pinanganak nalang akong isang tupa." Cheska always whine like a child. She's so sheltered at home kaya siguro hindi kaya ang magpagod masyado.
"True. I shoud have been born as a bird. Just flying and free." Karen said. She's a daughter of a beta parents.
"Styx, aren't you tired?" Jaime asked me. I looked at him and smiled.
"Of course I'm tired. I even want to sleep whole day. If only I could then I would." I said truthfully.
"Are you hungry? We can eat some food together." Pag-iiba nya sa usapan. Buong barkada naman ang sumagot sa tanong nya. Our group is so loud that we caught the attention of other people habang naglalakad kami papunta sa kainan. Napagpasyahan naming kumain nalang sa food stall. It's just a food stall who's open for everyone whatever rank you belong.
Habang kunakain ay nag-iingay pa rin sila at medyo lumayo ako kasi gusto kong mas pagtuonan ng pansin ang pagkain. May naramdaman akong kumakalabit sakin kaya nilingon ko kung sino. It's just Jaime.
"What is it?" I asked softly. I'm just used to talk softly at home that's why it became my normal voice tone.
"Are you busy tomorrow?" Jaime and I are close even before so his question is not a big deal. He asked me the same question many times way back.
I don't remember to have any plans tomorrow kaya umiling ako.
"As far as I can remember, I'm not busy tomorrow." Don't tell me it's about what I heard. That he's going to lure me to be with them. I can't even imagine what he'll possibly do to make me agree.
"Great! Can we meet tomorrow? Same time at the woods. I just want to show you something." He said cheerfully. He's normally a cheerful person and he always bright up the mood but I can't fully trust him now.
Nagdududa ako because of all places, why would he choose an uncrowded place? Para hindi sya magduda sakin sy agad akong tumango.
"Which part of the woods? I'm not quite familiar of all parts of woods here. It's just too big." It's half truth and lie. The forest is really big but I'm familiar of all parts of it. My family don't even know that I'm training myself in the woods. No one knows I'm always in that place. It's not a secret though but not until I saw Loren and the gang.
"Oh! I forgot. Maybe I can just pick you up? Then I'll bring you to the woods." He suggested.
"What is it ba? Now I'm excited! because you, picking me up at our house is not a common thing." He's somewhat like a playboy.
If it is about what I heard that night then I'll gladly come with him.
I got home feeling exhausted. My whole family is in the living room talking about something but I just walked pass at them. I have nothing in mind other than laying in my bed and rest in peace. I am about to enter my room when I heard my father calling me. "What is it father?" I lazily asked. "Did your mom tell you about our training?" His disheveled hair makes him look neat and presentable. I guess he just got home too. Just a little bit earlier than me. "Yes, she did tell me. Except the date, time and place." I'm so tired! Nahuhulog na talaga yong eyelids ko. Tomorrow princess, are you free?" Agad akong umiling sa sinabi nya. "Father, I'm not free tomorrow. I'm free the day after tomorrow." I said. He shows me his thumbs up and I nod as a response. I'm so tired to keep up with them so I just take a half-bath and sleep. The next day all I did was taking down notes. I often forget my memories so just in case. Just memories of a certain situation. I take down every conversation
After that conversation with father, I enter my room. He said hindi na kami tutuloy sa lakad namin. I'm disappointed. Pagkapasok ko ay agad akong pumunta sa table ko. I sit there and kinuha ko ang isang notebook. I write father's name next to Jaime. I remember again my prophecy. They said, you should not see or have any idea about your prophesy because either it will be reversed or it'll happen in a very chaotic and extremely unimaginable way. I rolled my eyes as I remember my so called friends saying their perspectives about being aware of your prophecy. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? Pagkatapos kong magsulat ay nilagay ko sa pinakadulo ng drawer ko yong notebook. I casted a spell on it so no one can open. Just one of the advantages of having this 'death symbol' embroided in me by some weird but fun-to-be-with creature. I am able to cast some minor spells. Kinuha ko ang isa pa sa mga pinakagandang gamit na pag-aari ko. Binuksan ko ang box to see the knife looking bla
Agad akong napabangon at hiningal. Tiningnan ko ang paligid ko at kumpirmadong nasa isla pa rin ako. "Cy." So that's her name. From Cy to Styx. Ngayon pamilyar na sakin ang mga mukha nila hindi ko lang ma sabi kung sino. Agad akong tumayo at umalis na sa isla. Ramdam ko pa rin na parang sinusunog ang kaluluwa ko kaya mas maiging umalis na lang muna ako. Hindi na ako nag-abalang tumakbo at magmadali dahil umaga na rin naman at wala akong sapat na lakas para gawin yon. Habang papalayo ako sa isla ay nawawala na ang init na nararamdaman ko. Bumalik na sa normal ang pakiramdam ko. Para akong lantang-gulay na naglalakad. May mga tumatawag sakin pero hindi ko pinapansin. Nagre-replay sa utak ko ang pangayayring yon. "So that's how I died." I exclaimed. A life for a life. Pinipilit kong pakalmahin ang damdamin ko pero hindi ko magawa. Galit na galit ako. Yong tipong gusto kong manakit pero wala akong mapagbuntungan. Nakaka-frustrate. Patuloy lang ako sa paglalakad na wala sa
"Hey", sabi ni Jaime habang inaabot ang siko ko. I've been waiting here for almost six hours. Hindi naman ako galit, nagtatampo lang. Hindi naman ako ganito noon. These past few days medyo mainitin na ang ulo ko, medyo lang naman. "You were the one who asked me out. Muntik na akong amagin kakahintay sayo and all this time nakalimutan mo pala and you're with this... wait, who was that girl?," tanong ko sa kanya. I don't know why I always hear this little voices in my head, telling me that Jaime is up to no good and there's a part of me saying that he's cheating or doing something unfaithful. I'm not usually like this...or that's what I thought. "I was busy. They gave me a lot of chores and I was preoccupied this whole time," malambing na ngayon ang boses n'ya. Sobrang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko habang hinahaplos niya ng marahan ang braso ko. I let out a heavy sigh. Hinarap ko siya at tinitigan ng maigi sa mga mata. "Sorry... I'm just...sorry for acting like this. I understand. I jus
Napangiti ako sa sariling repleksyon. Hindi na ako makapaghintay sa mga kaganapang mangyayari ilang oras mula ngayon. "Love." napatawa ako sa sinabi. Great god. Seriously? How far would love destroy a person's life and a person's principles. Nakakatawa. Kumain ako sa hapagkainan mag-isa. I was avoiding my so-called family because I couldn't control my actions when I'm extremely mad and furious. Gusto kong magpatawad pero hindi ko kaya. Kapag pinipilit ko, mas lalo lang lumalaki ang galit, inis, at pagkamuhi ko. I wanted to forgive them but I just can't. No matter how hard I tried but I couldn't. I can't be an angel when I'm being surrounded by traitors all my life. Nasa bayan na ako ngayon at tinatahak ang daan papunta sa isang building kung saan napagkasunduan na magtipon-tipon para sa isang pagpupulong. I'm late but who cares. I'm a significant person in that meeting so they couldn't and shouldn't start the meeting without my presence. I tried living a life being nice and good
Bawat nilalang may pinaglalaban. Para man ito sa buhay nila, sa pamilya nila, sa pangkat, para sa Alpha, at para sa paniniwala. Ang digmaan ay katumbas ng pagdanak ng dugo at kapag nasimulan, hindi kailanman matatapos. Nilapitan ko ang mga kinikilala kong magulang sa loob ng ilang taon. Hindi ko mawari na sa loob ng mga taon na nakasama ko sila ay sila pala mismo ang nagkait sakin sa buhay ko, ang totoong pagkakilanlan ko para lang sa anak nilang mismong kaibigan ko pang traydor ang nagmamay-ari sa katawan na ito. Nilapitan ko si Fredo na naghihingalo na. Tinitigan ko siya ng ilang minuto bago nginisihan at walang humpay na sinaksak ng patalim na siya mismo ang nagbigay. Nang makuntento ay tinigilan ko siya at medyo lumayo para makita ang kabuuan ng kaniyang kalagayan. Nakita kong humihinga pa siya ngunit hindi magtatagal ay mababawian rin ito ng buhay."a-anak," saad nito ngunit tinitigan ko lamang siya."s-s-styx..." ngumiwi ako ng marinig ko ang tinawag niya sa akin. Tinalikuran k
Wala na. Cy is gone. I should be happy, right? Ito naman yong gusto ko. Ito naman yong goal ko. After she finished her sentence ay bigla nalang siyang nanigas at ilang segundo lang ay nawala na parang bula. Nagkakabuhol-buhol na ang utak ko at hindi ko alam kung ano ang mararamdaman ko. I am not even sure if she's telling the truth or not. Somehow that woman earlier... is familiar. Nakahiga ako sa gitna ng kagubatan kung saan nangyari ang madugong digmaan. My body feel numb. I don't even know what exactly happened. Bigla nalang akong nagising ilang segundong nawala si Cy. Sobrang tahimik ng paligid at naaamoy ko ang malansang amoy ng dugo. May naririnig akong mga yapak sa paligid. Naalarma ako dahil hindi ako makagalaw at mas lalong lumalakas ang mga yapak papalapit sa pwesto ko. Sinubukan kong gumalaw pero hindi ko magawa dahil naninigas ang katawan ko. Literal na hindi ko maramdaman ang katawan ko. Hindi ko nga alam kung patay na ba lahat ng kasali sa digmaan. "Patay na nga laha
Sinabunotan ko ang sarili ko pagkarating ko sa kwartong pinanggalingan ko kanina. Bwesit! Kanina muntikan na talaga kaming maghalikan. Na-a-amoy ko na nga ang hininga ni Acheros kanina buti nalang may babaeng dumating. Hindi ko na inabalang tingnan kung sino 'yong babae dahil dali-dali na akong bumalik dito. Damn him! Sigurado akong ginamitan niya ako ng kapangyarihan niya. Something like hypnotizing. Sigurado ako. Hindi puwede na nadadala nanaman ako sa kanya. Hindi ako marupok. Hindi ako matitinag. Hindi puwede!Kailangan kong mag-isip ng maraming plano. Para kung sakaling gagamitan nanaman ako ng kapangyarihan ng lalaking 'yon ay may plan b at c at d at hanggang z pa ako. Marupok ang lalaking 'yon. Hindi lang ako. Pero kailangan ko muna kilalanin siya para alam ko kung paano siya paikutin. Para alam ko kung ano ang dapat kong gawin. Ayaw ko man aminin pero muntik na ako mawala sa sarili kanina. Hindi na puwedeng mangyari ulit 'yon. Kung mangyari man ulit 'yon ay talagang ikamama