CARAMy heart is still slamming hard against my chest, each new beat more paralyzing than the last.All my emotions right now are like a mighty tsunami—a thick, wickedly entwined rollercoaster mix of pain, longing, anger, and desire—all twisting and whipping violently within me like stormy waves. All at once.And it only happens with him in the room. In my space. In my head.I can't stop feeling this way whenever I am around him, no matter how much I try to. Dane is really, really fucking with my mind. My heart.My everything. “Everyone, also assess yourselves as you watch them and learn.” Gamma Carmden says to the other forty eight watching Dane and I before she turns to the sparring ring.“You both may begin.”That statement of her sounds like a fucking timer just got tapped on. I take in a deep breath, hold it in, and let it out.This sparring shit is about to get real. Worse, I am about to do it with an opponent that is now rendering me breathless again just with his fucking sexy
CARAI watch from the window of my office as the sunset dips below the mountainous ranges surrounding the base.And the view is so beautiful….My stomach grumbles with hunger. I grumble back and massage my hand gently over it.Despite going through that intense sparring with Dane, I ate just a single meat burger and water for lunch.I was too busy to care about eating proper food.Also, if I had eaten the sumptuous heavy filled plate of the Moo Shu Pork meal—my favourite—that Rhia nearly tricked me into eating, I would not have been able to finish sorting out those piles of paperwork that Garrick punished me with.And here is why.During digestion processes of heavy meals in the gastrointestinal tract, there is a decrease in the supply of blood to the brain, due to the suppression of the sympathetic part of the autonomic nervous system.This decrease in blood flow can make you feel a little bit dizzy or sleepy. Like you are suddenly tired and in need of a warm, soft, cozy bed.I can't
CARABreathless.I can't…. I can't breathe properly. I feel…. I feel like my brain is about to burst out of my head. “Cara?”“W–where… where is he?” I stammer out.“Last I checked, he was in your dad's study office. I am guessing they should be done by now.” Her hand caresses my left cheek softly. “Is everything alright darling?”I manage to flash her a weak smile and a couple of nods. “Yeah. I–I am just hungry and tired. I want to go to my room now.” I sputter out, standing up to my feet.”I bend and give her a quick peek on the cheek. “Goodnight mum.”“Goodnight darling. Sweet dreams.”“Sweet dreams.” I chorus back as I begin to head for the stairs, with only one destination raging throughout my entire mind….Dad's office. I get to the stairs and begin to climb. I can't fucking believe this. Mum was clearly not joking or laughing when she was saying that Dane will be living here with us. But I have to confirm for myself.I need to hear the news from the damned horse’s mouth if he
DANEI am still a fucking coward.That night two years ago. This night two years after.I am right here, standing at her door with my fist raised towards it to knock. I keep trying to connect my fist to the door, to fucking knock, but the more I hear her sobs, the harder and clearer the truth keeps hitting down on me.A truth that keeps stabbing me like a cruel knife to the chest.It is all my fault. I am the cause of the pain she is going through. And I must be really stupid to think that I can take that pain away by coming here and… and trying to know if I can….“Damn you Dane,” I curse to myself as I step away from the door and lean on the wall near it, closing my eyes.What the hell am I fucking doing? I think I am going mad. Was I expecting her to just open the door for me after I knock?Even if she does open the door, what then? What the fucking hell I am going to say?Sorry?I chuckle sadly at my miserable, stupid self. I might not even get the chance to even say that pathetic
DANEI also want… I also want to scream that despite how much I try to stop myself, that I still want to be close to her.Even if it is just once or twice a day.But we do not always get everything we want in life, do we?I sigh, my hands disappearing into my pockets. I am suddenly tired, weak, but I also think that my aim to distract her from crying for a while has been achieved.“I know you hate me Cara, and you have every reason to. But your dad allowed me to live here. Your mum too. I promise not to get in your way, and I will try as much as I can to stay away from you, since that is all you need from me, right?”“Absolutely.” She says back emotionlessly. And it hurts. It hurts to hear her agree so fast, so nonchalantly. Like she is really dying with the need to get rid of me.It also hurts to even think that there is an existence of the possibility of staying away from her, despite living just a door away from her.But clearly, she does not want me, and I have to keep the promise
CARAA very loud noise startles me awake.I sit up straight in an instant, my body going completely still. I listen, trying to make out what the hell just disturbed my peaceful sleep.For a moment, I hear nothing.The second I choose to succumb to the idea that the sound must have been my imagination, I hear another loud crash.The noise is coming from the room next door.Dane’s room.“Seriously?” I huff in annoyance, wiping my eyes before turning to look at the low beeping digital clock on my nightstand.It is just a couple minutes past 2am in the morning!“Ugh!” I can't believe Dane is already messing with my sleep just hours after moving in here.I am really going to be so fucked up if this is any indication that my future night rests will always be meddled with.Right now, I am really tempted by my sleepy muscles to lie back on my bed, to ignore the crashes and continue enjoying my peaceful sleep.But those crashes were loud, too jarring, and they happened twice.Twice. At fucking
CARA.The bowl fills up to the middle, and I quickly turn off the rushing water.I sniff as I wipe my tears away from my face. I need to get a grip over myself. I need to be strong now and act fast.My hands fly to the medicine cabinet, opening it. I grab the medicine kit in there. Next, I drape the white towel over my shoulder, carry the water filled bowl and the medicine kit, and then, I exit the bathroom.Immediately I enter the room, I see Dane trying to crawl his way up to the bed.“Stop. You are going to stain the sheets with your bloody mess!” My voice increases as I hurry over to him.He stops moving and groans as he relaxes back on the floor.Getting to him, I kneel by his side and keep the water bowl and the kit on a clean spot on the ground near me. I take a moment to check out his healed wounds.They are pretty closed up now, but judging from how grisly they were before, I am sure they will ache his body internally if they are not massaged with rose oil.“Stay still,” I sa
CARAThe silence in the room is thick. Very thick. Almost palpable.Dane rubs his hand down his face, clearly frustrated with me.I do not bloody care.“Damn Cara,” he groans into his palm, “you just don't know when to let things go—”“No I don't!” I yell, finally fed up with him and his evasive lies. “When it comes to you, I start to think and behave like a total freak! I lose all my control! My sanity! Everything! You really know how to scare the shit out of me, and I hate it! I hate how I could not stop myself from crashing apart when I stumbled in here and saw you lying on this bloody, miserable floor! I hate you! I fucking hate you! I hate how you still make me feel so attached and so hooked up on you like some fucking parasite!”“Cara—”“Fuck you!” I know I am just rambling, but I can't seem to stop. “Fuck you Dane! because I can't believe that you just had the nerve to wave me off so casually like nothing happened in here. Am I some kind of joke to you!?“Cara you are taking t