A bit bored

I could remember when I used to suck at drawing. My attempts were nothing more than a pathetic scribble. A meager scrawl that stained the pages. Despite the bad effort, my stress and anxiety still melted away as I drew whatever I could.

It was practice that made me better. 

Long hours huddled away as I repeated the same doodle until it actually turned out into something good.

Looking back on my old drawings was a weird balance between soothing and cringey. I took in the old drawings that I’ve given Daniella, a little surprised and kinda happy that she’s kept all of them. I could easily remember when and why I drew what I did. A good day that I wanted to share and show with Daniella. A bad day that I longed to escape. A boring day that I decided lightly doodling would help appease the boredom.       

My hand itches to do something.

I’ve been sitting on Daniella’s bed, waiting for her to return with the surprise she had for the both of us. Normally I’m a patient person. You can’t be friends with a shopaholic and not learn to be.

I couldn’t explain the sudden restlessness. Sitting still without anything to do made my nerves rattle endlessly and I was not-  

“I have churros!” Daniella squealed. I tore my gaze away from the old drawing, watching as Daniella sauntered in with a tray piled high with churros. She plopped down beside me on the bed, placing the tray between us with a giddy grin. “I even got some accessories to go with them! I have nutella, hazelnut spread, cinnamon sugar, and champurrado!”

“Thank you!” I eagerly went for a cup of champurrado and a churro. I happily gulped down a mouthful of the sweet beverage. As the hot liquid warmed my body in a comforting flush, I dunk the churro into the nutella and chomped down on the sweet treat that was in my grasp.

“What should we watch first?” Grabbing the remote, Daniella flickered through the choices that appeared on the screen. Stopping on a seemingly bubbly looking movie, she eyed the summary as the trailer began to play. A lively brunet appeared on the screen, body hovering over a basket filled with water and floating apples. Water dripped from her hair and face as she spewed cheerfully about halloween parties. Daniella scowled, flickering to a different option with a grumble. “That was twenty seconds I’m never getting back. Movie or TV show?”

“Law & Order: SVU!” 

“Oh, good choice! I think a new episode is out.”

“Yeah, in season twenty three! You're still on season twenty two! You can’t see the new episodes until you're done with season twenty two!” I insisted as sternly as I could. I was serious about this. There’s no way I could just let Daniella skip to the next season. Especially not after the hissy fit she threw after I tried to skip a few episodes of Claws.   

“But-”

“Nope! A wise person once said that skipping episodes is like skipping out on important life lessons.”

“That excuse was bull and you know it!”

“You…” A deep frown wormed its way to my face, “You told me that everyone abides by those rules.”

Daniella blinks. “So season twenty two, huh?”

At my firm nod Daniella sighed, turning her attention back to the TV. I took another bite from my churro as she fiddled with her remote. The cinnamon flavor and sweet baked dough danced on my taste buds as I chewed happily.   

“Okay, I have four episodes left until I’m done with this season.” Shifting until she was laying down her stomach, Daniella swiped her cup of champurrado. She quickly pressed play and gulped down the hot, hispanic beverage with practiced ease. “Gimme a few hours and I’ll be ready.”

I let out a lazy hum. 

I was fine with waiting until she was ready. Rewatching episodes was a pastime that I was very familiar with whenever I had nothing else to watch. I was perfectly content to sit back and enjoy the episodes I’ve watched before.

As the faceless voice spoke its usual words at the beginning of the episode in a deep rumble, the screen bleeds into a flurry of heart wrenching flashbacks about the tragic death of Kathy Stabler. 

Her honey brown pools stayed glued on screen as her fingers gently sprinkled the cinnamon sugar into the hazelnut spread. “Oh shit. I forgot Kathy died.”

“How can you forget that?” My bewildered gaze flickered to Daniella, “You cried when you watched it.”

“I cry about a lot of stuff. And it’s been a long time since I’ve watched this. I’ve been busy so stop looking at me like that, you judgemental whore.”

“I learn from the best.”

“Flattery will get you everywhere my little bean.” Daniella snorts out. She nudges me with her green painted toes, “Now, shhh. I’m trying to watch this episode.”  

The familiar episode droned on as Daniella and I watched and ate. We slowly demolished the pile. Dunking the churro into our personally favorite spreads and gulping down the cooling champurrado. A somber tale spewed from the TV as I scooped a generous amount of nutella onto the donut-like treat.     

I eyed the dark spread that coated the churro. My stomach rumbled hungrily as my mind slowly began to drift off. The blaring TV and Daniella’s loud slurping faded quietly as I was pulled deep into my thoughtless abyss.  

I wanted to change something about myself. 

I feel stuffy being me.

I had no idea what I wanted to change or improve? 

Maybe I should cut my hair. Would I be able to part from it? It took years for me to get it to this length and I’m proud of what I’ve managed to do. Sure it has its days when I wished I could cut but that’s always during the heat of my frustrations.

Maybe I should dye it. I wouldn’t mind a pop of color. Maybe something soft that will compliment my skin tone. A pastel bubblegum pink or gentle lavender or maybe a bright shade of pastel teal. Or maybe I should go in a different direction and choose a darker color. Burgundy might look great on me or maybe a royal blue.

I cringe at the thought of dying my hair royal blue. I could always dye my hair some other time. I should actually put some thought into the color I would like to stain my hair.  

Maybe I should change up my wardrobe. I could try expanding my taste. Though I adored the clothes that I have, it wouldn't be horrible if I added new things here and there. I was told by Daniella I had this cute and comfortable aesthetic. I’m not entirely sure what that exactly means, but maybe a small change to my “aesthetic” is what I need. 

I need something not cute and comfortable.                 

Finally bringing the nutella covered churro to my mouth, I blurted out my random thoughts. “I want a nose piercing.”

“As the oldest I should ask why, but the thought of you with a nose ring is too good to pass up on.” She waved a half eaten, hazelnut spread covered churro in the air. Shifting around so her feet were firmly planted onto her carpeted floor, Daniella stood up. She popped the rest of her treat into her mouth as she twirled around to face. Swallowing, Daniella grinned excitedly, “You’ll look like a cute little baddie and I’m so here for it. Come on.”

“Where are we-”

“There’s no way you can say that and not expect to go.”

“I’m still in the middle of my churros and my champurrado.” There was no way I was leaving now. My stomach rumbled hungrily at the thought of leaving my share of food. “And you're still in the middle of an episode. And there’s a lot of stuff I have to do before getting a nose piercing!”

“Like what?”

“Like picking out a nose ring.”

A pout wormed its way to her face, “....So you have a point.”

“I know I didn’t want a hoop. I barely wear the hoop earrings you’ve given me.” Rose gold diamond studs usually were the only thing that graced my ears. They were simple and it didn’t hurt that I adore the color rose gold. “Maybe I should get a rose gold diamond stud for my nose. Or maybe I should just get a regular diamond stud. Or I could-”   

“Why don’t you design your own nose ring? You're an amazing artist. I’m sure you can draw something you can like. And I know a store that makes jewelry. I can ask the owner if she could-” 

I squealed, “Ohmygosh! Are you serious?!”

“I have never been more serious! This is something that you want and I’ll be damned if you don’t get it!”

“I need my drawing book! Ideas are just-oh! I can draw you a new design too if you want me too?”

“I swear on my mom I will never take it out if you do!”

Excitement bubbled as Daniella and I continued to gush about my new project. Our sweet desserts and desire to watch TV long forgotten as we swapped different ideas. This is exactly what I needed. Nothing too big. Just a small job that will occupy my time and help make me feel less “stuffy”.

My hand itches for my favorite pencil.

I can’t wait for the chance to put our ideas to paper.