Chapter 1: A HUMAN FISH

[Months earlier…]

JOANNA

“Paula is your ex?!” I screech like a banshee.

Kenneth, my boyfriend, who’s just returned from the bathroom, freezes in the doorway.

Panic flies across his face before it hardens into pure, ugly irritation.

His eyes dart down to the glowing screen in my hands, and his jaw sets.

“Are you fucking serious right now, Joanna?” he sneers, his voice dripping with condescension as he crosses his arms. “You went through my phone? What happened to privacy? What happened to trust?”

My jaw drops. The sheer audacity of him standing there in his sweatpants, trying to turn this around on me while the evidence is literally burning a hole in my hands, makes my blood boil.

“Trust? YOU’RE talking to me about trust?” I shout, my chest heaving as I hold the screen out to him.

“Look at what you sent her, Kenneth! LOOK at it!”

Though I catch him swallow nervously, Kenneth lets out a dramatic sigh and rolls his eyes like I’m a child throwing a temper tantrum.

“Oh, grow up. You’re yelling because of some harmless banter? You’re acting completely crazy right now. Hand me my phone.”

For a few seconds, I’m stunned. I stare at him open-mouthed. Have I really gone crazy?

“Harmless banter?” I whisper finally. My voice cracks, raw and furious.

I look down at the text exchange he’d sent to his ‘best friend’ just minutes ago while I was lying in his bed:

Kenneth: you know i’ve always wanted it to be you, right? she’s lying here in my arms and all i can think about why we ever broke up. you were it for me.

Paula❤️: LOL, Ken. Don’t bring this up again. You and I, we’ve had our chance.

Kenneth: yeah, but you broke up with me because your parents didn’t like me. i never wanted to break up.

Paula❤️: Ken, seriously. Drop it. And don’t pin it all on me. You’re the one who couldn’t wait.

Kenneth: are you being fr rn? I’ve always asked you if were cool with me asking out other girls and you’ve always said yes.

Paula❤️️: Newsflash: not every yes is a yes. God, you can be so dumb sometimes.

Paula❤️️: How could I ever be cool with you being with anyone else?

Paula❤️: I’ve always nursed the idea that you and I will eventually end up together, and this will all be stuff we can laugh about when we’re old and married.

Kenneth: yeah, me too. but…we just have to get your parents to approve of me first….

Paula❤️: Yeah. And until then, I’ll stay and watch in the sidelines while these girls come and go.

Kenneth: you don’t have to be in the sidelines tho…👀

Paula❤️: LOL, tease.

I stare back up at him, tears finally blurring my vision.

“All this time, you’ve been best friends with your ex, and you MADE me accept her? You told her you only think about why you two broke up while I was lying right here in your arms!”

“It was just nostalgic bullshit, Joanna! Jesus!” he snaps, taking an aggressive step toward me. “I was just stroking her ego to keep her happy! Is it my fault I’m a good guy who cares about his friends? You’re taking entirely normal messages out of context because you’re pathologically insecure!”

I laugh, a bitter sound that scrapes against my throat. I raise a hand to my head.

“Oh my God, I can’t believe I’ve been so stupid. You made me feel insane for an entire year! Every single time I brought her up, what did you say to me, Ken? Tell me!”

Kenneth closes his eyes, his mouth set in a tight line, like I’m being exasperating. “Jo—”

“No, say it!” I shout, pointing a trembling finger at his chest. “You told me I was being dramatic! You sat on MY bed and swore to my face that she was like a sister to you!”

“She IS like a sister to me—”

“Sisters don’t text you with sentences like ‘when we’re old and married’, Kenneth!” I snap, tears finally spilling over my eyelashes. “Sisters don't get full birthday extravaganzas while your ACTUAL girlfriend gets ignored!”

Kenneth scoffs and raises his arms.

“There it is. This is the problem with you. I apologized for your fuc.king birthday!” he barks, his defense finally showing its first hairline crack as he realizes he isn't turning this around. “I tried to make it up to you, but you’re completely incapable of letting anything go!”

“You didn’t make up shit!” I yell, my whole body shaking. “You bought her cakes, flowers, and books, and had me film her reaction like a fucking clown! And then a month later, on my actual birthday, you didn't even send a text! You had HER reach out to beg me to forgive you! How sick is that? You had your EX fighting your battles for you!”

“She was trying to fix what your insecurity broke!”

“Wow,” I say, staring at him with wide eyes.

Kenneth mutters a curse and runs a hand through his hair. “Jo, I didn’t mean that…”

But something has shifted inside me.

All those moments I had pushed aside, all those times I had wondered whether I was simply being jealous or unreasonable, suddenly don’t feel so easy to explain away.

He tries to reach for me, but I move before he can touch me. He frowns and crosses his arms.

“Jo, look, don’t overreact. Paula was just trying to help us—“

“No, she was marking her territory! That’s what she has always done! To let me know that she has the upper hand when it comes to you—and she’s right. She always found a reason to show up on our date nights. Always found a way to turn your attention back to her!”

I step directly into his space, forcing him to look at my tear-stained face.

“And you let her because there was more to your relationship than you let on! I spent twelve months asking myself why I wasn't enough for you, why you always confided in her first, why I was constantly competing with your 'best friend'! And God, I TRIED to be understanding. I tried to be her friend too because it seemed it was the only way to stop us from fighting.”

Kenneth’s eyes dart around the room.

He looks at my tears, then at the phone in my hand.

The righteous indignation drains from his face, replaced by a sudden, pathetic wave of desperation as his mask slips.

“Jo… look, okay, calm down,” he stammers, his tone abruptly shifting into a soft, pleading whine as he reaches out for my arm. “I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have yelled. I was just upset that you didn’t trust me. You know how much stress I’ve been under with work.”

I pull my arm back like his touch burned me. “Don’t.”

“Jo, baby, please,” he begs, his eyes widening with sickeningly sudden tears. “I loved you. It was just some stupid text game with Paula. It didn’t mean anything, I swear to god. You’re the one I’m actually with!”

I freeze. The word hits me like a blow to the gut.

Loved. Past tense.

“Loved?” I whisper, the anger suddenly draining out of me, leaving a vast, hollow ache behind. “Not love? Loved?”

Kenneth catches his mistake instantly. “No—Jo, that’s just a slip of the tongue—you’re twisting my words—”

“You never loved me,” I say softly, the realization slicing straight through my heart. “Every late-night call, every canceled date, every time you looked right through me… it was always her. I was just holding her spot until her parents approved of you. It’s all there in your texts.”

“That’s not true!” he insists, reverting back to a defensive glare. “I never cheated on you, Joanna! I’m a loyal guy!”

“THAT’S your defense?” I scoff, wiping a tear from my cheek. “That you didn’t physically stick it in her while you were pining for her behind my back? Well, guess what—there is something CALLED emotional cheating!”

My hands shake so violently that I drop his phone. It clatters to the floor and I hear a sharp crack, but I can’t even bring myself to care.

I rush to the closet, yanking down my overnight bag.

“Jo, stop acting crazy—at least let’s talk about this rationally—”

“I’m done talking!” I snarl through fresh tears as I frantically put my clothes on over my bra and panties. “I can’t believe I took a sick leave from work to spend the weekend with you.”

We had literally just had sex an hour ago.

The thought makes me feel nauseous. Used. Stupid. Small.

And to think that I even felt sorry for Paula at one time because it was obvious she had a thing for him and I thought it was one-sided.

I laugh, but it’s wet with tears. “God, I’m so fucking stupid.”

I zip the bag closed with a sharp jerk and grab my phone from the nightstand.

At the door, I pause and turn back to him. I need to know something. Call it closure, call it a hunt for pain.

“Did you ever truly love me, Kenneth? Or was I just a game to you?”

Kenneth stands in the center of his apartment, his hands dangling uselessly at his sides, his eyes hold mine as silence stretches between us.

His mouth opens and closes. A human fish.

Five seconds. Ten seconds.

“Oh my God,” I whisper, a broken sob tearing from my throat.

“Jo—”

I don’t let him finish.

I walk out and slam the door, my bleeding heart trailing behind me as I go.