Chapter 4

Vivian

I regretted taking the job the second I saw Valentine. If I’d known he was friends with my boss and he often comes here, I’d have said no to working at that bar. Even if it meant going broke. I didn’t want to see him. Didn’t want to remember prom night, the mornings after, or the stupid heartbreak text he sent. It was all a hell of a memory I spent years to forget.

He broke me and then disappeared like it never mattered, like I never mattered, what a mean guy. But this looked too good to be true.

What kind of small-town horror movie was I living in? Of course Elsa would be friends with him. Of course he’d show up the day I finally got a stable job. Huh, nice. And of course Marvel would recognize the one man in the universe I couldn’t deal with, because it looks like fate clearly hates me.

So I did what I do best, pretend. Told Marvel we were classmates. Shrugged it off and of course, Marvel caught on right away. He always does.

After storming out of the bar with Marvel in town, I walked faster than I had in years. I tried my best to hold back my tears. I didn’t want to think he could be after us. Could he have seen the resemblance? Heard something in Marvel’s voice that made him pause? I didn’t want to know.

“Mommy chill out,” Marvel said, completely unbothered. “That’s the man, right?”

“What?”

He gave me a look. “Don’t lie to me monmy. You stared at him like you knew him. And he smells like you.”

I stopped in my tracks. “What?”

“I mean, you smell a bit like lavender, and he does too. But…a bit warmer?”

I blinked. “Okay. Enough with the smell talk.”

“Classmate?” he teased me as we walked away. “He didn’t look at you like a classmate though, I could tell that.”

I gave him a look. “Drop it.”

Marvel snorted. “You’re so obvious, Mommy.”

He was such a smartass. I couldn’t help but think he might have gotten that from him. Maybe not, I was smart too but not that smart for a kid his age. God, I hated how easily Marvel picked up on things. The instincts. The way he watched people like he could see straight through them.

I couldn’t even lie right anymore.

And worse, that scent thing? What the hell did that even mean?

The only thing I know for sure is that I shouldn't dwell on any of this. I didn't come back for him, and I can't let this incident thwart my plans.

I don't have time to dwell on myself. Yes, I should have known from the moment I prepared to return that this situation would eventually come to pass. I'm prepared, and I won't let anything sway me.

Come on, Vivian, you can do it.

But some people really know how to act haunted.

The next morning, we went to the hospital for Lion’s checkup. My head still throbbed from the wine, my stomach was tight with anxiety.

But I had no choice. And couldn't even avoid that white coat walking towards me.

I knew Valentine would show up. This wimp, after 6 years, finally knows how to act like a haunted rogue. How old is he, 6?

I spent one night trying to adjust myself as quickly as possible. I swore that I would never again show any mercy to this bastard.

I wonder what he was up to. He was wearing that stupid white coat, making rounds like some charming health god. Looking all put together, like he hadn’t shattered me once and walked away. He spotted me immediately and changed direction.

Here we go.

“Morning,” he said, all casual and simple. Fuck, how could he still sound like that? Like he wasn’t the reason I stopped trusting people? Like time hadn’t carved a thousand cracks into me because of him. I tried to act normal and hoped my face didn’t show any emotions.

“Please don’t talk to me now Valentine,” I muttered.

“Hello Marvel, how are you today buddy?”

“Doing good.” Marvel replied and threw his eyes at me. Waiting for my facial expressions so he could know how to behave. My face, my tone. He was always watching me, mirroring me, learning how to read people like I did.

“I didn’t know Lion was your father,” he said, keeping pace with me.

“Now you do. Congrats.” I said as I walked to the table to try and arrange Lions film examination that were going to be a hustle for me. I didn’t want Valentine’s help. Didn’t want his charm. Didn’t want the feeling of being noticed by him again, not when I had fought so damn hard to stop caring. But he went ahead and did it anyway. Scheduled everything like it was easy, like he knew the system better than I ever could. he perfectly did everything even as I tried to push him away. Of course he had to be helpful. Of course he had to be good at this. Stupid golden boy.

I let Marvel walk to his grandpas ward and the silence between us was now loud. My mind racing with endless questions I didn’t want to ask, not ever.

“I can help with the X-ray scheduling and stuff.. if you don’t mind. I’ve talked to the nurse and I think everything will go on with his examination.” He said a after a long silence I started walking away from him.

“I don’t need your help Valentine, why can’t you understand that, I’m trying to handle things here.” I always have. With or without anyone’s damn help. Me, cleaning up messes while you walk in like nothing ever broke.

  He cleared his throat “Vivian, I… I’m sorry, I was young and stupid, I…”

  “Don’t,” I snapped. “Don’t try to fix things now. It’s been six years. There’s nothing left to fix.” He stopped walking. I didn’t. I couldn’t stop. If I stopped, I’d cry, and crying was a luxury I couldn’t afford. Not in front of him. Not ever again. He had no idea how many nights I cried myself to sleep. How many lies I had to tell to keep going. You don’t abandon someone and then expect a clean slate just because you feel bad years later.

“And please, let’s not keep doing this. This random meet ups Valentine. Are you stalking me. I don’t want anything to do with you Valentine, just leave me and my son alone, please.” I said to him and walked away, didn’t care if it sounded harsh. I had to protect my peace, and most of all, protect Marvel. Because Marvel didn’t need confusion. He didn’t need the ache of wondering why his father never showed up. He didn’t deserve that.

I walked back in the ward and found Lion shouting at the nurse again. His voice echoed down the hall.

Marvel shrank beside me, his fingers digging into my hand. Shit! That was it!

I slammed the door behind me. “Enough! I am done with your drama dad. What the hell is wrong with you. You broke your leg, you’re old, and you need help cant you see that, you’re gonna let me and my son help you out. Either accept it, or rot In this bed yelling at strangers like a bitter old man.”

Lion blinked at me. For once, he didn’t shout back. He just turned his head to the wall and stayed quiet. Like he had heard nothing.

Marvel looked up at me with awe. “That was so cool mummy, you’re so baad.” He whispered his face lighting up like I’d just won a fight. I didn’t feel proud, though. Just tired.

I collapsed into the chair beside the bed and dropped my head in my hands. “No, baby. That was Mommy having a breakdown.” But maybe breakdowns were overdue. Maybe I needed to break just a little, to get the weight off my chest.

But weirdly, I felt a little lighter. A little relieved from everything that was going on.

"Come on, boy, we have one more thing to do." I took his hand and sighed. Time to figure out where Marvel would go to school next.

"What?" Marvel blinked in confusion. "We just came to see Grandpa, didn't we?"

"Yeah, Grandpa can wait. Let him get some more sleep." I led Marvel down the long hallway again, heading towards the elevator.

As we passed the nurses' station, I heard some loud laughter and couldn't help but glance over. Several nurses were standing, some sitting, seemingly chatting, or perhaps complaining about a patient.

I seemed to be showing an expression I shouldn't have. Cause Marvel asked, "Mommy, are you okay? Did you meet anyone you know again?"

"No," I quickly recovered and patted his head. "They were just laughing too loudly."

Marvel imitated me, glancing back and sighing, "Yeah, they seemed happy."

"Maybe. But it's none of our business. Come on, boy, quickly. Let’s go." I decided not to stop, grabbed his hand, and quickened my pace.

What I didn't tell Marvel was that that had been my dream: to go to college, become a nurse or a doctor, and live a normal life.

What I didn't tell Marvel was that that was once my dream. Going to college, becoming a nurse or doctor, and living a normal life.

But you can't always have everything you want, right? Look at me now: a mother, a bartender, and a chaotic life. Not too bad, huh?

Great. Just how life is great.