Chapter 2

Kiara's pov

The music was blaring loudly through my headphones, drowning out every other sound around me. Notes collided and bounced into a chaotically melancholic melody. I swayed until my feet felt numb. It had been three or four hours since I started but I did not keep track of time. It was all a blur. The room was spinning with every turn I made but I refused to stop moving. I welcomed the pain because it kept the thoughts at bay. I relished in my solitude away from all and every civilization. I didn't want to be still enough to have the privilege of thinking. I wanted to stay suspended in this world of chaos and disarray. I wanted to be free from the world and its expectations of me.

“Kiara, I've been knocking for almost five minutes. Can't you hear me?” My brother announces, slightly annoyed as he barges his way into our home dance studio.

“Sorry, I had my headphones in and don't just barge in here next time, dude,” I mirror his annoyed expression. I did not play about my privacy and was embarrassed whenever I was caught dancing although I didn't have any rational reason for that. Seb knows this too which is why he appears almost guilty at my words.

“Sorry, but I did knock first, Kie. And I'm worried about you. You've been locked up in here since the crack of dawn. Don't you think you're pushing yourself too hard little sis?” he says with a hint of worry.

I didn't like being a burden and the cause of worry for my brother. He already had a lot on his plate with managing the business empire in New Orleans. I was still waiting for an opportune time to ask him when he'll cut his visit short but from the look on his face, it seemed that he came to get me for another matter entirely.

“I'll try to take a break once in a while. I get carried away sometimes,” I blatantly lied to sooth his unease and concern for my health.

“Anyway, your boy toy is here for you. Says you guys have a date or something,” Seb said the earlier irritation evident in his tone. I held back a laugh. Seems like Seb wasn't a big fan of James, my boyfriend.

“Oh, I almost forgot I was supposed to meet up with James for lunch today,” I replied putting an emphasis on James so he would stop referring to him as my boy toy.

“You're too good for him Kie. He almost shit himself after I asked for a simple handshake. He's just a coward under all that expensive suit and that over-the-top pungent cologne of his. Almost had me going into bouts of sneezing,” he added begrudgingly.

I couldn't help the laugh that burst out of me. Seb had described James exactly how I've been doing it in my head except I'm not vocal about it. James is set to inherit his father's law firm and our acquaintance was arranged by Alejandro on the account that he fit what I needed status wise. We were introduced to each other at a business closing Alejandro was discussing with James’ dad. Very romantic, exactly how every young girl expects to meet the man of her dreams. James seemed smitten by me but if my guess was correct he only liked me for the physical appeal my father boasted about whenever my name was brought up. He wasn't curious about me because every time we met up, he would dominate the conversations with talk of his clients and cases he's working on and I would just listen and nod whenever the need called for it. Not that I'm complaining, I was groomed for this role since I was a little girl. At least he wasn't physically abusive or a sadistic monster like the men my father surrounded himself with so for that I'm grateful. I put on the beige modest dress my father asked Greta, our maid, to have ready for me.

James sat on the sofa in the living room fidgeting with his tie nervously holding a bouquet of red roses. He stood to hug me when our eyes made contact, handed me the bouquet and walked me out to his car. This was what every girl wanted, right? But I couldn't help the sinking feeling that instead of the red roses, I wished they were white with a lone sunflower as the only spot of colour.

Throughout dinner, I would catch James leering at my body like I was a piece of meat and I tried my hardest to conceal my distaste and discomfort at his blatant objectification. The dinner was uneventful with James chatting my ear off about work and the firm and like the compliant girlfriend that I am, I listened to him talk with a polite smile on my face. Or I was pretending to listen to him because despite my attempts at focusing on the conversation, my thoughts kept straying to another man who made my body light up like a live wire eliciting all kinds of reactions from me. I couldn't find it in me to feel guilty for thinking about another man while I was on a date with my boyfriend of two and a half years.

“Our fathers will be in talks soon about our upcoming marriage,” he said, breaking me out of my reverie.

“Yes, I think we've held it back long enough and I'll be ready when the moment arrives,” I replied emotionlessly.

“Good. As it should be,” was what he responded to that and I wished he would cut the date short and grace me with his absence.

We ate our dessert which was the last course and he stood with me to seal my lips with his for a kiss like he always did at the end of these dates. I restrained myself from pushing him away and throwing up in the nearest trashcan. I returned his kiss and pulled away when he wanted to advance the kiss.

“I'm not really ready for more James. I think we should call it a night,” I told him, preparing to head back.

He appeared perturbed for a while before his cheerful mask fell in place.

“Yeah, it's late. And I'll have you all to myself very soon,” he said with an unsettling grin as his eyes lowered to my covered cleavage.

I tried not to think about the implications of his words and got into his car and he drove me home.

As I lay asleep that night, I found myself replaying the kiss we shared that night only it wasn't James that I was kissing.