chapter seven

Chapter Seven : Maya pov

Something was wrong.

I didn't know how I knew. I just did. The way Cole avoided my eyes at Sunday dinner. The way Jay canceled plans twice in one week. The way both of them went quiet when I walked into a room. Like they'd been talking about something. Like I was the interruption.

"You're imagining things," Sarah said. We were at the coffee shop. Jay was working the counter, but he hadn't looked at me once. Not once. In forty-five minutes.

"I'm not." I stirred my latte. The foam had gone flat. "He's been different for weeks."

"Jay? Or Cole?"

"Both."

Sarah raised an eyebrow. "That's weird."

"Yeah." I watched Jay hand a customer their drink. He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. It hadn't reached his eyes in days. Maybe longer. I just hadn't been paying attention. "It's weird."

That night, Jay came over to my apartment.

He was quiet. Distant. He sat on my couch but didn't lean into me like he usually did. His body was stiff, like he was sitting next to a stranger. His hands were folded in his lap. He kept rubbing his thumb over his knuckles. Nervous habit.

"Jay." I put my hand on his. "What's going on?"

"Nothing. Just tired."

"You're always tired lately."

He looked at me. His eyes were sad. There was something behind them — guilt, maybe. Or fear. Or both.

"Maya..."

"What?"

He opened his mouth. Closed it. Shook his head. "Nothing. I'm sorry. I'm just in my head."

I wanted to push. I wanted to scream at him to tell me the truth. But I didn't. I just leaned into him and pretended not to feel the distance. Pretended not to notice that he didn't pull me closer. Pretended not to notice that he barely touched me back.

We watched a movie. I don't remember what movie. Something romantic. Something funny. The girl got the guy in the end. Happy ending. Everyone clapped.

I fell asleep on his shoulder. When I woke up, he was gone. A text on my phone: Had to leave early. Early shift. See you tomorrow.

I didn't remember him leaving. I didn't remember him kissing me goodbye.

That was the first time I really knew something was wrong.

Three days later, I drove to Cole's guest house.

I hadn't told him I was coming. I just needed to see my brother. To talk. To ask him if he'd noticed Jay acting strange too. Cole was always honest with me. Brutally honest, sometimes. He would tell me if something was wrong. He would never lie to me. Never.

The door was unlocked.

I walked in.

The guest house smelled different. Not like Cole — like someone else. Someone's hoodie was draped over the back of the couch. Gray. Worn. I'd seen it before. I'd touched it before. I'd borrowed it once when I was cold.

Jay's hoodie.

My heart stopped.

I stood there for a full minute. Staring at the hoodie. At the two coffee mugs on the table, both half full. Both with lip marks. One mug had a small chip on the handle. I'd bought that mug for Cole last Christmas. It was his favorite.

The bedroom door was half open. Sheets tangled inside. I could see from where I was standing. I didn't need to go closer. But I did anyway.

"Cole?" My voice came out small. Like a child's. Like I was five years old again, looking for him in the dark after a nightmare.

No answer.

I walked to the bedroom. Pushed the door open slowly. It creaked.

The bed was unmade. Two pillows. Both smelled like cologne. One was Cole's. The other was Jay's.

I backed away. Hit the wall. Covered my mouth with both hands. My knees went weak. I slid down the wall until I was sitting on the floor.

No. No, no, no.

This wasn't happening.

I pulled out my phone. Called Jay.

He answered on the second ring. "Hey, babe."

"Where are you?"

"At work. Why?"

"Are you sure?"

A pause. "Maya, what's going on?"

I hung up.

I called Cole.

He answered. "Hey. What's up?"

"Where are you?"

"At practice. Why?"

"Are you sure?"

Another pause. "Maya, you're scaring me. What's wrong?"

I hung up again.

I sat on the floor of Cole's guest house for a long time. Ten minutes. Maybe twenty. I don't know. I couldn't feel time. I couldn't feel anything except the cold floor under me and the weight of what I'd just seen.

Then I stood up. Walked to the couch. Picked up Jay's hoodie. Held it to my face.

It smelled like him. And like Cole.

I started to cry. Not pretty crying. The ugly kind. The kind where you can't breathe. The kind where your whole body shakes.

I don't know how long I stayed there. Long enough for the sun to move across the floor. Long enough for my tears to dry on my cheeks.

Then I put the hoodie back exactly where I found it. I made sure the coffee mugs were still in the same position. I closed the bedroom door the way it was.

Then I left. Locked the door behind me. Got in my car. Sat there for another ten minutes.

Then I drove home.

I didn't confront them that night.

I went home. I sat in the dark. I didn't turn on any lights. I just sat on my couch, in the same spot where Jay used to hold me, and I thought about every late night, every canceled plan, every time Jay said he was "at the gym."

The gym at Cole's house.

I thought about the way Cole looked at Jay during that first dinner. The way he couldn't stop staring. I thought it was hatred. I told myself it was hatred. I told myself Cole was just protective.

Maybe it was never hatred.

I thought about the way Jay talked about Cole. Not like someone he hated. Like someone he was trying not to think about. Like someone he was trying not to want.

I thought about the way they looked at each other when they thought I wasn't watching.

I didn't sleep.

At 3am, I texted Sarah: I think Jay is cheating on me.

She replied immediately: With who?

I typed. Erased. Typed again.

I think it's Cole.

Maya... that's crazy.

I know.

Did you see something?

I'm at his guest house. Jay's hoodie is here. Two coffee mugs. The bed is messed up.

Long pause.

I'm coming over.

She showed up at my apartment at 4am in her pajamas, hair a mess, eyes wide. She didn't say anything. She just sat next to me on the couch and held me while I cried.

We stayed like that until the sun came up. The sky turned from black to gray to pink. Birds started singing. The world woke up. Mine had already ended.

"What are you going to do?" she asked finally.

"Confront them."

"Both of them?"

"Both of them."

Sarah squeezed my hand. "I'll be there. Whenever you need me."

I nodded.

But I knew this was something I had to do alone.

The next morning, I sent two texts.

To Cole: We need to talk. Guest house. 7pm.

To Jay: Be at Cole's guest house tonight at 7. I'll explain when you get there.

Both replied: Okay.

I spent the day in a fog. I went to class. I didn't hear a single word. The professor was talking about something. Art history. Renaissance paintings. I didn't care. I stared at the board and saw nothing.

I came home. I stared at the clock. The minutes crawled by. Each one felt like an hour.

At 6:30, I got in my car and drove to the Ashford estate.

The sun was setting. The sky was orange and pink. Beautiful. The kind of evening that should have been romantic. The kind of evening I used to dream about with Jay. Walking hand in hand. Laughing about nothing.

Instead, it felt like a funeral.

I parked at the bottom of the driveway. Walked up slowly. My heart was pounding so hard I could feel it in my throat. My hands were shaking. My legs felt like they might give out.

The guest house lights were on.

I knocked.

Cole opened the door. His face was pale. His gray eyes were wide. He looked scared. I'd never seen my brother scared before. Not even when Mom was dying. Not even when Dad yelled at him for losing a game.

"Maya. What's going on?"

"Wait for Jay."

"Maya —"

"I said wait."

He stepped aside. Let me in.

I sat on the couch. The same couch where I'd found Jay's hoodie. The cushions still smelled like him. I wondered if Cole knew that. I wondered if he'd noticed.

Jay arrived five minutes later. He walked through the door, saw me sitting there, saw Cole standing by the window, and his face went white. Like he'd seen a ghost. Like he already knew what this was about.

"Maya."

"Sit down."

He sat.

The three of us were in the same room. My brother. My boyfriend. And me.

The silence was heavy. Thick enough to choke on.

"I know," I said.

Neither of them spoke.

"I know about you two." My voice was shaking, but I didn't stop. I couldn't stop. "I found Jay's hoodie. I saw the bed. I'm not stupid."

Jay dropped his head. His hands were trembling in his lap. He wouldn't look at me.

"Maya..." he started.

"Don't." I held up a hand. "Don't say you're sorry. Not yet. First, tell me the truth."

Cole looked at Jay. Jay looked at Cole.

Something passed between them. A conversation I wasn't part of. A language I didn't speak.

Then Cole said, "It's true."

The words hit me like a punch to the chest. Even though I already knew. Even though I'd prepared myself. Hearing it out loud was different. It was real. It was permanent.

"How long?"

"Weeks," Cole said.

"Weeks?" My voice cracked. "You've been lying to me for weeks?"

"Yes."

I stood up. Walked to the window. Turned my back to them so they couldn't see me cry. The window faced the backyard. The trees. The sky. I stared at nothing.

"Why?" I asked. "Why him? Why behind my back? If you had feelings, why didn't you just tell me?"

"Because we were scared," Jay said.

I turned around. "Scared of what?"

"Of losing you." His eyes were wet. Tears streamed down his face. He wasn't even trying to hide them. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me, Maya. Both of us. We didn't want to hurt you."

"Then why did you?"

Neither of them answered.

Because there was no answer. There was no excuse good enough. No explanation that would make it okay.

I looked at my brother. The boy who taught me how to ride a bike. Who held my hand at Mom's funeral. Who promised to always protect me. Who promised to never let anyone hurt me.

"You were supposed to be my safe place," I said to him.

Cole's face crumbled. Tears fell from his eyes. He didn't wipe them. He just let them fall. "I know."

"You were supposed to love me more than anyone."

"I do love you."

"Then why does it feel like you chose him over me?"

Cole walked toward me. Stopped a foot away. Close enough to touch. Close enough to hug. I didn't move.

"I didn't choose him over you," he said. "I fell in love with him. It wasn't a choice."

"Love is always a choice."

"No." He shook his head. "Who you fall for isn't a choice. What you do about it is. And I chose wrong. I should have told you. I should have been honest. I should have never let it get this far without telling you."

"You should have never touched him."

Cole flinched. Like I'd hit him.

Jay stood up. "Maya, don't —"

"Don't what? Don't tell the truth?" I laughed. A broken, ugly sound. It didn't sound like me. "You slept with my brother. In my brother's bed. While you were dating me. That's the truth."

Jay looked at the floor. His shoulders shook. He was crying too.

I walked to the door. Paused with my hand on the handle. The wood was cold under my palm.

"I'm not going to tell Dad," I said. "Not yet. But I need time. Both of you. Stay away from me."

"Maya —" Cole started.

"Stay away."

I walked out.

The cold air hit my face. I walked to my car. Got in. Sat there for ten minutes. Fifteen. Twenty. Gripping the steering wheel. Crying until I couldn't see. Until my head hurt. Until I had nothing left.

Then I drove home.

That night, I lay in bed and stared at the ceiling.

The same ceiling I'd stared at when Mom died. The same ceiling that had watched me fall apart a hundred times. The same cracks in the paint. The same water stain in the corner.

Cole was all I had left. And now I didn't have him either.

I picked up my phone. Opened my text thread with Cole.

I typed: I'm not going to tell Dad. But I need time. Don't call me. Don't text me. Don't come to my apartment.

Sent.

Then I opened Jay's thread.

I typed: I don't hate you. But I can't look at you right now. Please respect that.

Sent.

I turned off my phone. Buried my face in my pillow.

And I cried until I fell asleep.