Chapter 2 Alexis’s POV

As I sat in my car that evening I did not move.

My car was hot, stuffy. I rolled down the window but it didn't help. My shirt was sticking to my back and my tie felt like it was choking me but I couldn't make myself drive home yet. I kept replaying the events of the day with Dorian and the words he had spoken to me.

Say hi to your wife for me.

I scoffed. Can you believe that?

That fucking kid. Who says something like that to their professor? He wasn’t even scared of the consequences he could face.

Why was this bothering me so much, you’ll ask?

Well it’s because he has seen right through me. Seen and noticed what no one else sees.  Seen the thing I'd been trying to pretend wasn't there for the past two weeks. Maybe longer. Maybe since the first day of class when he'd walked in late and sat in the back row like he owned the place.

I sighed and finally started the car engine. I grilled the wheel and started driving home.

The drive home was a blur. I took the long way, even though it added twenty minutes. When I pulled into the driveway, Julie's car was already there. Thursday. She always worked from home on Thursdays. How had I forgotten that?

I sat there again, just staring at the house. The porch light was on. I could see her moving around in the kitchen through the window. Making dinner, probably. She always made dinner.

When did that start bothering me? When did I start feeling trapped by all the normal things we did?

The front door opened. Julie stood there in an old sweater, her hair pulled back. "You coming in or are you gonna sit out there all night?"

"Sorry. Long day."

She moved aside so I could get past her. The house smelled like something Italian garlic, tomatoes. "You want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

"Okay." She went back to the kitchen. Didn't push it. She never pushed.

I dropped my stuff by the stairs and pulled at my tie. My brain kept replaying the lecture hall. The way Dorian had looked at me. The way his hand had felt on my leg last week. The heat of his breath when he'd leaned in close.

Stop it. Stop thinking about it. I am married and he is also my student. I looked over at Julie who had returned, tying her hair up into a ponytail. She looked a bit tired.

"How was your day?" I asked, because that's what married people do. They ask about each other's days.

"Fine. Boring. Edited some memoir about a woman who quit her job to find herself in Nepal or whatever." Julie stirred something on the stove. "Dinner's almost ready."

I went upstairs and changed out of my work clothes. In the bathroom mirror I looked normal. Same face. Same hair going gray at the sides. Same wedding ring.

I was happily married. This life is just perfect for me. I keep trying to convince myself. This is just how life is. You are supposed to be happy. This is normal.

But I didn't feel normal. I felt like something had cracked open inside me and I couldn't shove it back down.

Dinner was quiet. We talked about nothing important. Her work. My work. Whether we needed to fix the furnace. The kind of stuff you talk about when you've run out of real things to say. There was no passion in our speech, no excitement in our discussion, no desire to entertain the other. It felt like we were speaking only out of necessity. That it was routine to do.

"You seem off," Julie said after a while.

"Just tired."

"You're always tired lately." She set down her fork. "Are we okay?"

My stomach flipped. "What do you mean?"

"I mean you're barely here anymore. Even when you're sitting right in front of me."

She wasn't wrong. Shit, she was completely right and I had no idea what to say.

"I'm just stressed with work stuff. It'll get better."

She stared at me for a second, like she was deciding whether to believe me or not. "Okay."

We finished eating. I helped clean up even though I wanted to hide in my office. We watched TV but I couldn't tell you what show it was. My brain was somewhere else. With the young handsome dark haired arrogant student who won’t shut up in class.

In bed, Julie reached for me. Her hand on my chest, gentle.

I should have responded. I should have pulled her close and been the husband I was supposed to be. Instead I just lay there, frozen, thinking about a student I had no business thinking about.

I shrugged her hand off a little,

“Julie I’m tired. Tomorrow please?”

She immediately pulled back and did not argue any further. I stayed awake until I could hear her fall asleep. I stared at the white ceiling, deep in thought.

I still could not sleep. So  I gave up and went downstairs. Poured a drink. Sat in the dark. Thought about how I was probably ruining my life and couldn't seem to stop myself.

My screen suddenly lit up with a new message. I was confused. Who would message me in the middle of the night? I grabbed it and my eyes widened in shock from a message froma unknown number yet I knethat it was Dorian;

“Hey Prof. You up?”