I had a plan. Wait until it gets late and Grayson and his boys go off to wherever they went to at night, then ransack the shed for every secret hidden behind the curtain and in the desk drawers. Excellent plan, I think we can all agree.Unfortunately, the moment I put my head down to give my eyes a rest, I was out like a light. Whether my body was getting used to being in this place or I was just knackered, the next thing I knew, it was morning.We were woken by Grayson banging a spoon on a dish (I knew the bastard had spoons hidden somewhere!).“Good morning,” he boomed cheerfully. “Looks like it’s going to be another beautiful day. Sunshine and fresh air aplenty.”We groggily got up, faces squishy and eyes glued shut. The fire was dead, and it looked like the last two days of constant fear and anxiety had wiped us all out.“Now, I do want to remind those of you left, I and my men will be leaving today. You’ll need somewhere else to sleep, and you’ll have to take care of your oth
Running away felt good. Partly because the distance between me and the monster was getting bigger, and partly because it always feels good running downhill.You might think it was a missed opportunity. The ogre had no idea we were there, the ideal chance for a sneak attack. What a prize we might have claimed! Yeah, well, death ain’t much of a prize. The problem is, you can’t understand what it’s like to see an actual monster.Imagine if you walked into your living room and a gorilla was sitting in your favourite chair. You’d shit yourself, right? Now imagine the gorilla ten times bigger, with the face of the uncle who molested you when you were a kid, and you’re in the ballpark. Oh, you didn’t have an uncle like that? Sure, and you think I’m the one in denial.I didn’t stop till I was back in town. I zoomed around the wheatfield and didn’t slow down as I approached the buildings. Not once did I look back to see if the others were following. If they couldn’t understand basic instruct
The bunnicorn sat there, twitching slightly. The grass around the pile of shit had wilted and withered, slimy with shit that hadn’t dried out. I thought it might feel exposed out in the open with five strangers standing around. But then, the rabbits back in the meadow never gave a damn about us, and, as it turned out, neither did this one.It shook its head, pawed at the ground and then lowered its head, aiming the horn at me. It charged.With all the available targets, why it should decide I deserved to have my ankles gored, I don’t know. I guess I’m just lucky.I took a few stumbling steps backwards as it came at me, then turned and ran.“Hey, do something!” I called out to the others. They decided to offer me the absolute worst form of help: encouragement.“Run!”“Dodge left.”“Don’t let it touch you, it’s covered in shit.”The rabbits back in the meadow had been slow and listless. This thing was hyper. I headed for the taller grass, hoping I might lose it if it couldn’t see
“Shouldn’t we all go in together?” asked Claire.“No,” I said. “I’m going to have a quick look just to see what’s in there. If it’s okay, then I’ll come get the rest of you. If it isn’t, then I’ll be running when I come out. If I’m running, that’s your cue to also start running, got it?”How brave, how selfless. I planned to investigate this dark, forbidding cave alone — had I suddenly found my true hero’s heart? No. I just didn’t want them stumbling around in there, attracting attention and getting in my way when I tried to get the hell out.My intention was to literally stick my head in the cave entrance, see what was in there and see if it looked safe to investigate further, and then call the others over. Heroics would be kept to a minimum. And by minimum, I mean exactly zero.“Remember, if I run out, don’t wait to see what’s behind me, don’t ask questions or make any noise at all — get in the water and head for the island. If they can swim, at least we’ll be able to defend ours
Once I’d explained we weren’t in any immediate danger and they’d calmed down, I told them what I’d seen. I used a stick to draw a rough map in the ground, showing the layout.“That’s it?” said Maurice. “Just five rooms?”“There’s also whatever’s under the trap door. I figure the two of them used it to avoid being captured when the other mice were killed. If they have any treasure, that’s probably where they keep it. Of course, who knows what mice consider valuable? It could just be a big lump of cheese.”“Actually,” said Dudley, “mice don’t really like cheese. Bread or even chocolate works better in traps. Their love of cheese is a myth.”“Thank you for that, Dudley,” I said sarcastically. “Very interesting.”“You’re very welcome,” replied Dudley with complete sincerity.“So you want us to go in there and kill them,” said Claire. “While they’re having their dinner.”“Yes. I told you what they said. They plan to attack humans as soon as reinforcements arrive — it’s not like they’
If you’re expecting an intense series of life changing experiences bookended by Dudley struggling around an assault course at the start, and flying around the same course to the theme from Rocky at the end, I’m afraid you’re going to be disappointed.I didn’t have time to rebuild Dudley from the ground up, and even if I did, changing him from upper class twit to stone cold killer was well beyond me. My only goal was to get him to focus on one thing at a time so that when I told him to do something, I had confidence he would actually do it. With a normal person, you’d just say, “Look, I want you to do this thing, and it’s important, really important, so don’t stop until it’s finished. No matter what happens, this is your number one priority. We’re all counting on you, okay?” And the person would understand.That kind of approach wouldn’t work with Dudley. He would certainly agree to the task, but once he got distracted (by Flossie, by a passing bird, by the sound of his stomach rumbli
As we waited for the girls to come back, Dudley continued to try and stack the stones even though no one told him to and we weren’t shouting at him any more. He just wanted to do it. Once an idea took hold in that brain of his, it really took hold.“So,” said Maurice, “we going back in there, then?”I nodded. “They’ll be ready for us this time, but I think we can still take them. That spear he had looked pretty nasty, but he could hardly hold it. If we rush him, I don’t think he’ll be able to stop us.”“Yeah, yeah,” said Maurice. “There was something else I wanted to ask you. About Claire.”I turned to face him. “Oh? What?”“Is there something going on between you two? Just wondering, you know, because you’re always at each other’s throats. If this was movie, the couple that’s always fighting are the ones who end up together at the end, right?”“If this was a romantic comedy, maybe. But this more like a horror movie. Believe me, there’s nothing going on. Why? Are you interested i
Everyone stood around trying not to look at the bodies of the mice. We’d managed to keep going on pure adrenalin during the fight, but now it all looked very real, and very much like a crime scene.“Dudley, you know the washing line outside? Pull it down and bring it in here. Maurice, go get the sacks from the island. Claire, take Flossie to the pond and wash her eyes out, she looks like she’s still got some of the dust in there. I’ll take care of this.” I pointed at the bodies without looking at them.They all stood still for a moment — I thought they were going to have a go at me for trying to boss them around — but they turned and went off as instructed. I didn’t particularly feel like giving orders, but they needed to stop dwelling on what we’d just done, and I think they were glad to have something to do. The other reason for my sudden take-charge attitude was that I really needed to be alone.As soon as they’d gone, I sat on the ground with a bump and burst into tears. I know,