Hating you

JERALD 

The rink was freezing, not the regular freezing but the kind that makes you grind your teeth and shiver. The kind of freezing that crawled beneath your skin and settled deep in your bones.

"Again!” Benjamin roared, standing perfectly still like the cold wasn't affecting him.

I glared at him from where I was bent over, trying to catch my breath.

"I just fell.”

He snorted, “You’re not the first.”

He leaned lazily against the rink wall, hockey stick resting against his shoulder while watching me with that same irritating expression he had been wearing since this week.

He stared at me like this was funny to him, like it was entertainment.

“Get up, Jerald.”

I groaned, “I hate you.”

I pushed myself back onto my skates, it was barely six in the morning and my whole body was beginning to ache.

“Your balance is terrible.” He said as I skated forward.

“Thanks for reminding me.” I said with an eye roll. “This is basically the tenth time you're saying that today.”

“That's because it really is.”

I shot him a glare and he smirked.

“Focus.” he ordered.

“I'm trying,” I muttered, pushing myself forward.

“Yeah,” he scoffed, "I can really see that.”

I muttered something under my breath, glaring so hard at him.

“What did you say?”

“Nothing,” I whispered. "Captain.”

His eyes narrowed slightly then he pushed himself away from the wall, skating towards me, really fast.

I panicked immediately, “Benjamin wh...”

“MOVE!” He shouted.

“I don't know how to.”

Then he grabbed my wrist, spinning me before I could fall. My back hit his chest and for just a second, everything seemed to calm.

His chin brushed against my shoulder, my breathing heightened.

His hand was still wrapped around my wrist.

I immediately shoved him away, “Don’t touch me.”

His expression tightened immediately as he stepped back.

“Do you panic every time someone gets close to you?”

“It’s none of your business.” I spat at him.

Anger flickered across his face.

“Go again.” He said.

I stared at him in disbelief, “Are you serious right now?”

"Yes.” He said without even blinking.

“I’m exhausted,” I whined. "I can't continue.”

“You’ve been here for barely one hour.”

"Barely?” I shot him a look.

"Again!” he roared.

I exhaled sharply and dropped the hockey stick onto the ice.

“You know what?” I'm done.”

Benjamin sighed, running his hand through his hair.

“You are the worst person on earth to teach.”

I laughed, hard enough that it made my heart ache.

“You think this is about the game? About hockey?” I asked quietly.

He frowned, knotting his brow.

My legs moved closer before I can even stop myself. “Do you enjoy this?”

“Enjoy what?” h asked, feigning ignorance.

"This,” I gestured between us angrily, “Us.”

He exhaled sharply, biting his lower lip.

“How long will this keep on,” I added. “Acting like nothing ever happened, acting like you didn't ruin everything and moving on like it was nothing.”

My chest tightened, my voice stuttered as I spoke.

"You wanted the training.”

“Oh please, Benjamin.” I fired at him. “We both know this has nothing to do with the training or the team or anything.”

His jaw tightened.

“Just focus on the money, Jerald.” He said, “That’s why you're here in the first place.”

The coldness in his voice hurt more than any thing. His words pierced into my chest like a sharp edged sword.

I laughed bitterly, stepping back. “Wow.”

“What?”

“You really don't care, do you?” I said. “You never cared, not then, not now and never.

“You don't know...”

“No,” I cut him off. “I know exactly what you are.”

The realisation suddenly hitting me, for weeks I've kept to myself, swallowing it all down, telling myself he'll come around someday but I was just lying to myself.

He never for once cared about me and now he wants to stand here and pretend we're teammates, like everything is fine.

But no, never.

“You used me,” I whispered, poking his chest but he stood still. "You whispered words to me,” I continued, voice shaking. "You made promises but now...”

My chest tightened painfully as I swallowed hard.

"And you know what the hard part is?” I whispered. “You don't even look sorry.”

“I’m sorry.” he said and the words startled me as I blinked.

But before I could respond,

“Baby?”

I heard from behind me.

I turned slowly towards the rink entrance.

A slender blonde guy walked in, carrying two coffees, smiling brightly before his eyes landed on me.

“Oh,” he said awkwardly. “Am I disrupting anything?”

“No, you're not.” Benjamin replied, stepping back from me like I was something disgusting.

The blondie walked closer, he was beautiful anyways just as Benjamin liked them.

“This is Aiden.” He said Casually.

Aiden smiled politely, “You’re Jerald right? We met at the house the other day.

I nodded with a weak smile.

“Ben talks about you.” He said.

“Does he?” I asked, plainly.

Benjamin's eyes flickered towards me sharply.

Aiden handed me one of the coffee before looking between us.

“I heard you're joining the team, Jerald.”

“Yeah.”

“And Ben's training you? He asked, eyes hovering around.

“Yes baby,” Benjamin responded. “You know, brotherly bonding.”

Something snapped inside me.

Brotherly bonding, really? That was it, that was everything about us?

Aiden grinned, “That's so cute.”

I stared at Benjamin, he just stood there, beside his little boyfriend. His hand resting on Aiden’s waist like it belonged there.

I bent down slowly, grabbed the training bag and shoved it hard at Benjamin's chest.

“I quit.”

Aiden blinked, “Why?”

Benjamin frowned immediately.

“Jerald,”

“No,” I cut him off. “You don't get to say my name.”

I sighed deeply.

“I actually hate you, Benjamin.” I added, “And I hope never to see you face ever again.”

His expression tightened instantly, but I didn't stay to see how long it lasted.

____________

The cold morning air hit my face the minute I stepped outside, and suddenly, I could breath properly.

My chest hurt, everything hurts.

I kept walking, far away from the training arena, far from Benjamin.

Maybe I should have left the moment my heart aches for him, I shouldn't have let mom accept his father's proposal.

Maybe I shouldn't have even believed the three words he whispered into my ears after every heated session.

By the time I got home, the servants were up and working, mom was still sleeping.

I walked into my room and stared around quietly.

My eyes landed on the hockey recruitment email still blinking on my laptop.

I'd gotten it three days ago, a hockey team in Seattle looking for temporary trainee players.

I almost deleted it but I think it could be useful right now.

I exhaled shakily and clicked the acceptance button.

It felt like something heavy left my shoulders.

I packed quickly after that, anything useful.

Then I grabbed a sticky note on the table.

~Mom,

I'm fine, I just need a little space. Don't look for me, I'll be back. 

I'll call you soon.~

I left the note in her dressing mirror before I finally walked out.