Chapter 8

" What's was that all about ?" asked Selina who fell a step behind me , her tone inquisitive .

" Maybe he is so upset that its messing with his brains " I could only offer her this , Because I knew that there was a trap in laid there , Jacob Knight won't ask me on a date for no reason because I wasn't the girl who will get the guy .

The guy I deserved was most probably someone who will work a 24 *7 job in some stupid boring company not the one who rattles my entire body senses with his gorgeous smile . 

And Jacob Knight most certainly falls into the latter category , with his razor sharp jawline sharp enough to cut glass and stormy gray eyes in which a person can practically lose himself .

Selina looked at me ,as if she knew what was going on my mind but thankfully she doesn't say anything to me , good , I don't need her pity .

But down deep down , I couldn't help be disappointed at the giddiness that was enveloping my heart .

Once I reach my home , I drag myself upstairs to my room ,fighting my inner demons has sapped my energy .

I felt too tried to even think , part I wished to stop taking the high road and let myself indulge to whatever Jacob has to offer , part I knew that it was wrong , He has made my life in highschool hell from the past two years and I shouldn't ever think about being in such close proximity with him .

" He was joking ; He didn't mean it and you will be a nice little joke if you fall for his tricks " I repeated this mantra over and over again , to stop the monster roaring within . 

Once I used to look down on those girls who's eyes will shine with little hearts in them , I rolled my eyes when they claimed they lost their control whenever a cute guy was around and therefore , it was sensible enough for them to make dumb decision .

Turns out I was just like them .

I can still feel it .

His warmth 

His breath 

His nearness 

God. Get a grip .

Turns out Karma really did slap one in the face , For two years , Two years I have been fighting my inner self, repeating it over and over again ; that I didn't like Jacob , nor did I enjoyed the forceful he planted on my lips , on our first encounter .

But 

Karma did me good , being this close to him once , rattled me so badly that I could still hear my heart thumping and I cannot lock my new found awareness about my feelings for Jacob into the darkness of my head as if they don't exist . 

I liked him , I fucking Liked him .

" God , I'm screwed " I buried my face in my hands, I couldn't understand why , just why , why it has to be him ? Just why did my first crush has to be on that guy? 

I ate three meals a day 

He was someone who counts his calories 

I wanted a stable life 

He was unpredictable 

I had nothing to offer 

He had everything .

I felt raw undiluted fear , it was as if someone has stripped me naked , leaving my insecurities to unravel themselves .Its a struggle to breath, how am I supposed to act now, ?

I let my backpack drop on the floor with a' bam', pressing the play button on my phone ; I fill the void in my space .

Tears barge into my eyes as I snuggle into my bed covers , I didn't dare to think about my feelings or Jacob anymore. I knew how this was going to end , Guys like him , do not settle for a girl like me , what am I supposed to do ? Go along with whatever he might be planning for the sake of a night pleasure ? Because that's all he will ever want for me, Guys like him goes for girl like Anna ; with barely any fat covering their body and I wasn't desperate enough to let him ruin me like that .

That's right .

He might have been successful in getting inside a teeny tiny part of my heart but it was all upto me , How I take care of these unwanted feelings ,Jacob might rule me the entire student body but he won't be ruling me much less my heart . 

Today , Just today , I will let my heart cry all it wants for a love it can never have and by tomorrow I will hold head high again , burying my feelings deep where they belong .

I close my eyes and let my tears loose for the love that didn't even get a chance .

I startle awake .

Heat smothering my body , hair sticking to my face and my breast tightening against my shirt .

and that wasn't all .

My hand was resting in between my legs and I felt something sticky on it ...I .. was ..wet .

I sit up straight , jerking my hand away . 

I didn't even remember what I was supposed to be dreaming about .Why ..what was this reaction ? 

I was thankful that I didn't turn the lights on in my room or else I would have seen my face turning red in humiliation. 

Parting my lips , I lick my lips wet .

Everything about this should feel wrong but it doesn't infact I'm even surprise to feel the sudden passion rising and falling inside my body .

My heart pounds with nerves and pleasure .

I'm petrified and ashamed. 

Its said that dreams shows what a person desires unconsciously but I'm too embarrassed to accept my shameful arousal, the dream was nothing but vague mist but I knew who and what I was dreaming about .

But I wasn't going to admit to it and there is no way 

in hell I'm gonna do it with Jacob.

It was better for me to bury this along with my feelings as well .

Jacob Knight was a depraved bully and no way in hell will I be letting myself indulge in carnal sin.