CHAPTER THREE

AVA

I woke up to cold sheets and an empty bed.

The morning light filtered through the floor to ceiling windows of Ryder's penthouse and for a split second I forgot where I was. Then it all came rushing back. Tyler. Jenna. The bar. Ryder carrying me here like I was fragile and worth saving.

And then the kiss.

God, the kiss that turned into so much more.

My cheeks burned as I sat up and pulled the silk sheet against my bare chest. Every muscle in my body ached in ways I had never felt before. I was sore and tender and the reminder of what we had done made my stomach flip.

I had given Ryder my virginity.

Not Tyler, who I had dated for two years. Not some college boy I would meet later. Ryder Kane, the man I had loved from a distance for three years, had been my first.

And I did not regret it.

At least not yet.

I climbed out of bed and found my dress from last night draped over a chair. My underwear was somewhere on the floor. I got dressed quickly and ran my fingers through my tangled hair before padding barefoot out of the bedroom.

The penthouse was silent.

Maybe he was busy somewhere. But there was still this eerie feeling that I couldn't shake off.

I found Ryder in the kitchen standing by the marble counter with a cup of coffee in his hand. He was already dressed in dark slacks and a crisp white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He looked perfect and put together while I felt like a hurricane had torn through me.

"Morning," I said softly.

He did not look at me. He just stared down at his coffee like it held all the answers to questions I had not asked yet.

"Ryder?"

"You need to leave." His voice was flat and emotionless.

I froze. "What?"

"Last night was a mistake." He finally looked up and his gray eyes were cold and distant like he was looking at a stranger instead of the girl he had held all night. "It should not have happened."

The words hit me like a physical blow. I stepped back and wrapped my arms around myself like that could somehow hold the pieces of me together.

"A mistake," I repeated slowly. "That is what I am to you?"

"Ava." He set his coffee down with more force than necessary. "You are eighteen. You just graduated high school. I am twenty seven and your brother's best friend. Do you understand how fucked up this is?"

"You did not seem to think it was fucked up last night when you—"

"Last night you were drunk and upset," he cut me off. "I should not have let it go that far. I took advantage of you."

"You did not take advantage of me." My voice broke and I hated how weak I sounded. "I wanted it. I wanted you."

"Well I did not want you." The words came out hot and cruel and I actually flinched. "Not like that. Not ever."

What the fuck!

I felt like I could not breathe almost like someone had reached into my chest and squeezed my lungs until there was no air left.

"Then why did you sleep with me?" I whispered.

He turned away from me and gripped the edge of the counter. "Because I am a bastard who made a stupid decision. But it ends here. You are going to college in a few weeks. You are going to forget this happened and move on with your life."

"And what about you?" My hands were shaking now. "What are you going to do?"

"I am proposing to Melissa Grant."

The world tilted.

Melissa Grant. The daughter of some powerful businessman my brother had mentioned once or twice. She was beautiful and poised and everything I was not.

Of course he chose her.

"You are engaged," I said numbly.

"Not yet. But I will be by the end of the week." He finally turned to face me again and his expression was hard and unreadable. "She is the right choice, no, the smart choice. What happened between us last night does not change that."

I wanted to scream. I wanted to throw something at him or beg him to take it all back. But I did not do any of those things because I still had some shred of pride left.

So I lifted my chin and forced myself to meet his eyes.

"Congratulations," I said coldly. "I hope you will be very happy together."

Then I walked out of his penthouse and did not look back.

***

I made it home before the tears came.

Thankfully my parents were not there. Ethan was probably still asleep after his own graduation party from college. I locked myself in my bedroom and collapsed onto my bed as the sobs tore out of me.

I cried until my throat was raw and my eyes were swollen. I cried until there was nothing left inside me but an aching emptiness that felt like it would never go away.

Ryder had been my first.

I had saved myself for years because I wanted it to mean something. I had turned down Tyler every time he pushed for more because I was not ready. I wanted my first time to be with someone I loved and someone who loved me back.

And I had given it to Ryder.

The man who just told me I was a mistake.

I pressed my face into my pillow and screamed until my voice gave out. It did not help. Nothing helped no matter how hard I tried. The pain just kept twisting deeper and deeper until I felt like I was drowning in it.

He did not want me.

He had never wanted me.

And now he was going to marry someone else while I was left with the memory of his hands on my skin and his lips on mine and the way he had whispered my name like it was something sacred.

I had been so stupid.

“So desperate and naive and stupid.” I muttered hitting my chest in anguish.

By the time the tears finally stopped I felt hollow. Like someone had scooped out everything inside me and left behind nothing but a shell.

I was leaving for college in two weeks. I would go across the country and start over and forget Ryder Kane ever existed.

That was my priority now.

Because staying here and watching him build a life with someone else would kill me.

****

Three weeks later I stood in the bathroom of my dorm room staring at the pregnancy test in my hand.

Positive.

The word blurred as tears filled my eyes again but this time they were different. Not heartbreak or anger.

Terror.

I was pregnant.

With Ryder's baby.

I sank down onto the cold tile floor and pulled my knees to my chest. My roommate was not moving in until tomorrow so I was alone with the test and the crushing weight of what it meant.

I was eighteen years old and pregnant and the father was a man who had made it very clear he wanted nothing to do with me.

What was I supposed to do?

I could not tell Ryder. He was engaged now. My brother had mentioned it casually over the phone last week like it was good news. Ryder Kane was marrying Melissa Grant in some big society wedding that everyone who mattered would attend.

If I told him about the baby it would ruin everything. His engagement, his reputation and my relationship with Ethan.

And for what?

Ryder did not love me. He had made that painfully clear. He would probably think I was trying to trap him or force him into something he did not want.

I could not do that to him.

Heck! I could not do that to myself.

But I also could not get rid of this baby.

I pressed my hand against my still flat stomach and felt something shift inside me. Not physically but emotionally. Some part of me that had been shattered was slowly starting to piece itself back together.

This baby was mine.

Not Ryder's. Not anyone else's. Mine alone.

Ryder was nothing but a fucking sperm donor.

And I was going to keep it.

I did not know how I was going to manage school and a baby. I did not know how I was going to tell my parents or what I was going to do when people started asking questions.

But I knew one thing with absolute certainty.

I was never going back home.

I was never going to see Ryder Kane again.

And I was going to build a life for myself and this baby that had nothing to do with the man who had broken my heart.

I stood up slowly and wiped my eyes. My reflection in the mirror looked different somehow.

I looked older as if I had aged years in the span of a few weeks.

Good.

Let the old Ava die.

The girl who believed in fairy tales and happy endings and men who would choose her was gone.

What was left was someone stronger who did not need anyone else to survive.

I threw the pregnancy test in the trash and walked out of the bathroom.

I had a future to build.

And Ryder Kane was not going to be part of it.