Chapter 3: Is He Really Tempted

Why should I cry?

Why should I even cry for?

I should have known better.

I should have thought a hundred times before I tied the knot with that person. If I hadn't been too hasty and given in to my emotions, I would have had more choices now.

Two nights have passed but I still can't get Lejandro's answer to my question out of my mind.

'Forgive me, dear. I only did that because I was so excited to be with you but you didn't let me have my way with you. In fact, you are the only one in my mind and heart even though I have a different partner. I was only tempted because of that woman's eyes. I didn't mean to.'

He didn't even deny it, he even managed to blame me for his lust for the flesh and infidelity.

'You know that even then many sexy women forced themselves on me, but I married you. Just forgive me, my wife, I will never give in to others temptation again. You are the only one I love.'

I thought at first I could forgive him when I found out his side of the story, but I was wrong.

Should I be happy because I was the one who you 'chosen'? It seems in his eyes, I am very lucky and I  should be feeling a great debt of gratitude that he married me.

I laughed blandly.

If only I knew what kind of man you really are, I would never marry you.

I remembered the photo that Margo and the woman with my husband sent recently. From any angle, the beautiful shape of the woman's body is obvious.

Big chest, thin stomach and wide hips.

I bit my lip to get rid of the insecurity that was slowly eating me away. I closed my eyes tightly.

In Lejandro's tone, it was as if he didn't care if I caught his betrayal or not.

I let out a deep breath before picking up the phone that had been ringing for a while, a sign that it had received messages.

"Are you really an animal?"

I couldn't help but let out a crisp string of curses after reading the messages.

'It was just a mistake I know you can forgive me so please forgive me already. I won't turn to anyone else if you let me, I'm just a man, I make mistakes too, dear. I can't bear to lose you.'

The thickness of his face is disgusting.

"A mistake? And what if you're a man? Does that mean you have the right to betray me?"

I immediately opened the other message that I wish I hadn't done.

'I miss you so much, have you eaten yet?'

"Are you crazy?"

Lejandro is still sending sweet words without missing a beat. As if all that would take away the bitterness he caused me.

If before, my heart used to dance every time I received his chats, now all I feel is disgust.

Tears pooled around my eyes when I realized the years I've wasted with him.

I spent several years as Maria Clara* for him. I even changed the way I talk  because I am concerned about not meeting his family’s expectation.

Lejandro's family is wealthy and all his siblings are professionals. Whereas when we were newly engaged, I was the only one in our family who graduated from college.

I have a humble mother who is a seamstress and my father is a farmer. Although it was difficult to budget their meager salary, by God's mercy they supported our family without a word of complain.

As the eldest and the bread winner of the family, I immediately looked for a job shortly after starting college, to help with the education of my four younger siblings and my expenses. Until now that I have graduated, I still  support my family.

That's why when Luis gave the proposal, I didn't hesitate and took the job right away. Lejandro and I had a good conversation about my going abroad, so I can't imagine that he would do this to me.

I looked around to make sure no one could see me.

"You're really stupid. Stupid."

I burst into tears. I just let my tears flow until they ran out. Like a horror movie flashes of happy times we spent together come playing before my eyes accompanied with the pain of his betrayal.

Letting the pain, regret and dellusion wash away my composure, my gaze followed each wave hitting the rocky shore. With every breath of salty air, the weight on my chest seems to gradually lighten easing the strain on my chest.

It was around this time that I decided to do something that I promised I would never regret.

"You think you're the only one who can commit a mistake? If this is the kind of marriage that you want, I'll give it to you."

I decided to entrust myself to fate once again. To be cheated again and again by different people, I decided to try it too.

"I will also look for a man who is more handsome, taller and more fragrant. I will show you that I can also choose to be with someone else whenever I want."

I want to know what is so addicting with having sex that people will do anything for it.

They say: one wrong can't be corrected by another mistake.

But I want to challenge that. I am no saint.

In the island called 'The land of the Howling Winds' I will create memories that I will take to my grave.

"I will give my virginity to another man."

Knowing how much he cared about “claiming’ my purity, is he even worthy of the word “purity’? I will let him taste his own medicine. Just imagining his face contorted with anger and disappointment fueled my determination.

Then I will show him how it feels to be treated like a shit by the roadside.

I will make him regret cheating on me.

I have always noticed how highly he thinks of himself. Lejandro is a proud man, and now I know he's also a complete hypocrite.

I gathered the two bottles of wine at my feet and stood up from the boulder.

Maybe the alcohol I drank was a bit much, as every thing my sight landed to, doubles.

I carefully crossed the other rock but the last thing I heard was a violent gust of wind.

Maybe I shouldn't drink too much atop a big rock by the sea. My sluggish brain fails to wrap around the situation.

I could feel my body continuing to sink into the depths of the water no matter how many times I struggled to raise my arms.

And then I remember: I don't know how to swim.