No return

 

¶ Karel ¶

 My feet moved on auto pilot because I actually never wanted to go there. Never wanting to even look at the message. But he said he'd give back my position, that's why I'm doing nothing else. I told myself, as I counted the steps to the equipment building. Every step echoed through the empty hallway. I could still turn around. No one would know I was here. Including Ferdi. 

 The image of the roster flashed in my head. My name was gone. 

My feet kept moving. 

The dim light in the passage went on. Then footsteps. It wasn't Ferdi. I know because I've got it in my stupid brain that failed to comply. Just as I was about to turn left, I bumped into Zayne. “Watch out–” he started, but eyes turned cold when he saw me. “Karel?"

I suddenly felt like itching my head. My lips pressed into a thin line. My jaw clenched unintentionally when I perceived Ferdi's cologne on him. 

“What are you doing here?” Zayne emptied the silence. I just knew he'd talk first. Always the one to ask questions. 

“I should also ask you the same." I looked away lazily. 

"When I ask a question, Karel. I deserve an answer." He launched forward and I knew better than to stand in the way. My left ribs still ached from Trenton's belt. I staggered to a corner. “Just cut it. I'm going to drop something at coach's office." 

I didn't look back at him but I could feel his burning glare at my back. I prayed to the gods silently so that he wouldn't become too curious. 

 

I pushed open the last door at the end of the hall,the air hit me differently, like oxygen doesn't exist where Ferdi lives. My lungs forgot how to take in air at every passing second. I suddenly felt cold and missed my bed a little bit when Ferdi came into sight, the dim light cast a dangerous glow over his jawline. His lazy lashes slowly swept over to the door where I stood. My heart recognized its prince and started hitting drums. I swallowed hard, I heard the gulp in my shoes.

Ferdi strolled to the lockers leaning on it like he bought the school and didn't ask for change. “You came." He said quietly, I almost didn't catch.

“You said you'll put back my name." I clenched my fist hard, my fingers almost pierced through. Saying the words tasted like sour milk. I hated that I had to ask him for anything. Hated that he knew it. 

He drew a laugh. Too quiet but I could see his intentions through it. “You think it's free?"He took slow steps towards me. My mind told me to use the door, it was my only escape but my legs refused. "How much is it? I'll get the money.”

He laughed quietly. Made me wonder how he laughs too quietly like that. "Money? I'll give that instead."

My stomach sank. Whatever game he was playing, I wasn't winning. The smile on his face wasn't playful anymore. It was the kind people wore when they'd already decided your fate. 

“You think this is a joke?”

"No. I think you're a joke." He was now standing a foot away from me.

I didn't bother about the nickname, all I wanted to do was scratch off that smile off his face. Of course I'm a joke because I'm Karel. The guy who gets beaten for money. The guy who never got good grades and the guy who… whatever. “What's the price?" I clenched every part of me and looked away. 

“What you did that night.” His smirk was slow.

“What?” I felt my body go stiff. He wants to bang me. He knew that night was a fucking mistake. I wished I could revise time, I wished I could have been sober that night. I wish I never went into the basketball court.

“You're dating my brother." My lips felt like lead. The words were sharper than I intended. I didn't know whether I was accusing him…

…Or reminding myself that there should be a line he wouldn't cross. 

His gaze sharpened for a second before returning to his usual smirk. "What I do with him isn't your tea, vice. Just cooperate.” 

“You're despicable, Captain.” I felt my eyebrow twitch upward. 

“That’s not new." His cold fingers brushed my earlobe. I shook slightly, took a step back but he advanced.

“I'm not complying.” I gave a distinctive distance between us. He stepped closer. “You'll not?” Now his gaze burned, those pale grey weren't smiling anymore. 

“Yes,” I bit the corner of my mouth, not knowing where my confidence came from. 

“Then you left me no other choice.” Ferdi thinned the space between us and pulled at my shirt forcefully. “Whatever happens here is all your fault. And it doesn't leave this room." 

My brain sharpened. He isn't thinking straight anymore. I felt my throat bobbed. Pushing him wasn't an option, dude didn't move, he leaned into me and I did the next best thing like biting him. He didn't even flinch, instead his lips widened into a dirty grin “Didn't tell you I love bites?” His mouth went hot against my neck. I shoved him harder. And threw a punch. 

It wasn't like last night. 

He caught my hand mid air then pinned me against the wall. My breath hitched as my back hit the cold steel door making me shiver when the cold reached my wound. 

“I only let you the other time. You have no right to touch me." His grin was replaced with a downward lip curl. “Let's do it this way instead." He moved two steps back. My hands tightened on the hem of my wrinkled shirt. 

“I'll hit you back. On your face. Fair game. Karel"  He clicked his tongue sharply. 

The room fell painfully silent. I could hear my own breathing. 

I could take the hit. Just one but my knees already buckled twice. My chin is already broken. And if Ferdi touches me– I won't be able to breathe anymore. But I wanted to die, because I wanted to scream but couldn't. “I can't take a hit." I muttered. It was embarrassing. I hated being weak, at least not in front of him. But my ribs still burned from yesterday. Another hit might separate my body from my soul. 

Ferdi's intense gaze made me feel small. “Then what do you want?" His voice came out softer now. 

I looked down at my feet. “Home." I couldn't think of anything else. Home wasn't safe Diego, Zayne, debt. But somehow they all sounded better than standing in front of Ferdi. His scent made heat crawl up my skin even though I was pinching myself. 

Ferdi paused. Then a dry laugh tore out of his throat. You can't, vice." 

I clicked my heels toward the door to prove him wrong. To show him he means nothing to me, but his next word burned my feet. “Step out that door, and you kiss goodbye to your team." 

Fuck. I'd almost forgotten why I came. I took a deep breath. I can't let him take my spot away. It was the only place people remembered my name before my mistake. No way I turned to him. “I'll do it." 

His grin fell back to place. “That's the spirit vice. Two nights for a match." 

"What? How do you even calculate that?”

“You wasted my time, Karel.” He drew. “My time is fucking.”

How shameless, I threw out a sigh. He stepped closer again. His hands circled my waist, while his teeth grazed my ears. “Let's start tonight." His hands went up my ribs and a whimper escaped my dry lips. 

He let go, hands still lingering. Then faced me. “Excuses?" 

My hands clenched at my side. "No excuses. I'm leaving." 

I walked out that door the same way I'd come in, just that something hurt in-between my thighs. If I look back I wasn't sure I won't regret what I'd do.